Under Working: 10/09/2024
Zhan woke up with a splitting headache, his migraine flaring again. "Yi---"....Zhan was about to call but then realizing his foolish act that too this early morning, he cursed himself under his breath......."damn!!!"....... Zhan rummaged into the bedside drawer but no avail, he didn't repurchase his medicine.
"Shit!!", Zhan cursed again. "But didn't it stop recently??? ". It had been months since his last migraine....ever since his marriage, really??? or when Yibo started taking care of him. His meal was on time, water and liquids were enough, sleep was qualitatively good.
Zhan sighed, he had no mood to tired himself early morning thinking again and again. He dragged himself to the bathroom, hoping a hot shower would shake off the pain. But as he stepped in, he was greeted with another mess. Seeking a warm shower to ease his muscles, he reached for the tap, expecting the usual warmth of the water, but nothing came.
The water was ice cold.
Zhan blinked in confusion before realization sank in. Yibo. Lately he had always been Yibo who made sure the water heater was turned on, who noticed the small details and took care of, making Zhan slowly stopped bothering with such. Zhan shut off the faucet, sighing as the cold bit at his fingertips, a reminder that things had quietly changed in ways he hadn't even noticed before.
Nothing was in its usual place. Yibo had always been the one to keep the towels folded, the soap restocked, the bathroom neat and tidy. Zhan noticed the scattered bottles of shampoo and body wash from last night, still lying there. The towel he used was draped carelessly over the basin counter.
Frustration prickled at him, not at the disorder itself but at the unfamiliarity of it all. Zhan had been so used to everything being just right, never even realizing when Yibo's quiet diligence had taken over the order from him......of him. Without his husband, it all felt... wrong. He gritted his teeth and forced himself through the motions, though the water still felt too cold, too empty.
When he stepped out of the bathroom, dripping and tired, the apartment greeted him with a cold stillness that now felt suffocating. He glanced around........the bed was undone, his office clothes still on the bedroom couch. He somehow managed to make the bed then took his clothes to dump in laundry basket in the balcony. He needed his tea and something to eat as soon as possible as his head felt like splitting into two.
But as he came out of his room, his eyes widen-----tacks of papers scattered on his desk, his shoes left by the door, the coat from yesterday slung over the chair, his half-eaten bread and milk glass carelessly left on the dinning table, the tea preparing things on kitchen island—his own mess, once manageable, now felt like it was swallowing him whole.
What happened to him? He had always been organized, always kept everything in order. Now, his apartment was a reflection of the disarray inside him. He found himself too lazy, too tired to care about tidying up. It wasn't just the physical mess; it was the unfamiliarity of a life that, without Yibo, seemed to be slipping out of his control. He didn't found any zeal from inside to do a single work, a shuttle sadness linger inside him but outside it was all frustration and anger.
"I hate you Yibo. I hate you...You messed up my whole life!!!!".....Zhan dumped the clothes in his hand on the ground. For the first time, Zhan couldn't understand himself. He was getting angry and that too because of a particular person—but why?
Was it really all Yibo's fault?
Zhan had never asked Yibo to do anything for him. Never needed Yibo to quietly handle the small, mundane tasks. But Yibo had done them anyway—filling the silences, managing the little things without being asked. Yibo hadn't just been taking care of the house; he had taken over Zhan's routines, his habits, without Zhan even realizing it.
And now, without Yibo here, everything was falling apart. The house was a mess, and so was Zhan's head. Zhan felt like he had forgotten everything....he had no idea how to manage his own life. He felt lazy or maybe disinterested and this was not who he thought of himself.
Was he angry because Yibo's absence had made him feel... useless?
For the first time in his life prof Xiao felt how it feels to be 'felt like a useless'. How it felt when a person by his/her own felt he/she had became useless. When you wish to give up even without a fight..... 'Did Yibo also felt like this whenever he spoke harshly to him?'.....a thought knocked in back of Zhan's mind
The mess in the apartment was more than just a physical disarray. It felt like a reflection of his life—a life that, without Yibo's quiet presence, felt out of control. It was something that Yibo had made him or maybe he allowed himself to be like this because he allowed Yibo to overtake everything.....he wasn't cautious enough when Yibo was around.
It was hard for Zhan to accept that his husband with his quiet care had stripped him of Zhan's independence
Zhan sank onto the couch, rubbing his face in his hands. He had prided himself on being independent, on not needing anyone. But here he was, realizing how much his life had unknowingly intertwined with Yibo's. Every small thing, every unnoticed habit, every warmth that Yibo brought—it was all there, holding Zhan's life together in ways he couldn't have imagined. Now, in Yibo's absence, it was all unravelling.
Zhan's pride—the pride he had built over years, being the best in everything, the one people admired and respected—was shattered. He was always in control, always the one others looked up to. And now, here he was losing his controls, and for Zhan, that was the most unbearable thing of all.......'No, I can't let that happen!!! I have to manage, I am not someone who will rely or depend on other.....I can do it!!!!'
Zhan convinced himself that he could manage. After all, these were just habits, things he could change with time. It wasn't that big of a deal. His mind was just exhausted from overthinking.
With a sharp exhale, he picked up his phone and called the agency that used to provide him with house helpers earlier. In minutes, a helper arrived, and Zhan gave her a quick rundown of instructions before rushing to get ready. A glance at the watch confirmed he was already running late than his usual schedule.
Stepping into his room, Zhan stopped in front of his closet, staring at the rows of neatly organized clothes—coats, suits, shirts, trousers, blazers, watches, cufflinks, everything in perfect order. But for the first time, Zhan felt... lost. His fingers hovered over the hangers, unable to decide what to wear.
It was just like the green tea, he thought bitterly. Zhan had always made his own tea, but one day, Yibo had quietly taken over that task. Zhan hadn't objected, and then he didn't even notice when it became a habit—something Yibo just did, without being asked. The same had happened with his clothes. He used to pick his own outfits, but at some point, Yibo started laying out a neatly pressed suit for him after his showers. Zhan had worn it to avoid disappointing Yibo, and then... it became routine.
Now, standing here, his organized closet felt like a maze. Five minutes passed....the cupboard had became unsolved puzzle with clothes scattered everywhere and Zhan still couldn't decide what he needed. He sighed in frustration, finally grabbing the first thing that came to hand, though it didn't feel right.
Once dressed, Zhan rushed out, only to be met with another problem.
The house helper had, in her well-meaning attempts to clean, completely mixed up his documents and papers. The files were in disarray, spread across the table in a confusing mess. Zhan pinched the bridge of his nose, a wave of frustration building. He could feel the edges of his calm fraying.
He wanted to hit his head against the wall. He had always worked in his study, where no one ever disturbed him, and he kept everything in order. But once Yibo started spending more time around him, Zhan had moved his work to the living room. Yibo, even without being asked, would arrange everything neatly even before Zhan could address. Now, without him, even his professionalism was at question.
His frustration boiled under the surface, but he maintained his composure. "Could you please serve the breakfast?" he asked the helper politely, though his voice was tight. "And... when you clean, just lightly dust without moving anything, please."
The woman nodded, and Zhan forced a smile before retreating to the living room. Every small detail Yibo had quietly managed was slipping out of his hands, and the realization was unsettling. But still, Zhan pushed the thoughts away, convinced that he could adapt—that it was just a matter of time.
When breakfast was served, Zhan's head was already spinning....he needed to eat. He took the first bite and paused......the food tasted bland in his mouth, it was hard for him to swallow. He knew the meal wasn't bad—but it lacked something, just like the tea from last night. What?...he had the answer now.....Yibo's warmth, care and unconditional dedication. After a few half-hearted bites, he pushed the plate away, his appetite long gone.
"Wrap this up, I will be leaving soon" Zhan muttered, his voice flat. The helper obeyed the instruction without question and removed Zhan's plate unlike Yibo who would have stubbornly put more food on Zhan's plate and stood at his head till he finished...silently. Zhan stood up as he felt suffocated by now.
As Zhan made his way to the bedroom door, something caught his eye— the house helper, casually tossing a small, worn-out lion plushie into the trash bin. It was old, ragged, and torn in places, something anyone would easily mistake for garbage. But the sight of it made Zhan's heart lurch.
Without thinking, Zhan marched over, snatching it from her hand with a force that startled them both. His grip tightened around the plushie as if it had been a living thing in danger. He glared at the helper, the rage in his eyes silencing any words that might have come out. She stood there, wide-eyed, while Zhan's heart raced.
"How dare you????".......Zhan's voice was sharp and loud making The helper shiver in fear......."Sir, I just-----"........She tried but......."Just shut up!!! Didn't I tell you not to displace any item of this house then who give you the permission to throw it away????..huh????"........Zhan's temper was really something no one should face
"I thought it was a tra-----"......"GET OUT" Zhan said coldly, dismissing her with a wave......."Sir~~~"........"I said GET OUT".......Zhan said with finality though he couldn't even find the energy to explain himself.
Once the door clicked shut behind her, Zhan sank onto the dinning table, his body heavy with exhaustion. In just a few days, his life had spiraled into chaos. He, who was always polite, calm, and composed, had snapped twice now, and both times... because of Yibo.
His fingers traced the plushie's faded fabric, the soft lion head worn from years of handling. It was Yibo's. Zhan remembered seeing it tucked away in the farthest corner of the kitchen, hidden from everyone's sight but never too far from Yibo. Despite its condition, Yibo always adored this one. Zhan didn't know why, but whenever Yibo glanced at it, there was a soft smile on his face, a quiet attachment to something so small.
When the helper had tried to throw it away, Zhan had felt an immense, sharp pain. It wasn't just about the plushie—it was about what it symbolized. In this vast, empty house, that small, torn lion had become something Yibo kept close to his heart. It wasn't just trash, it can never be. It was a piece of Yibo, a fragment of the life they had shared....its valuable, priceless.
Zhan could rationalize all the earlier frustrations as mere habits—things that could be adjusted over time. But what had just happened? Why had he reacted so violently over a simple plushie? Was it just because it belonged to Yibo?
The question gnawed at him. He had told himself that his reactions stemmed from routine, from the sudden absence of small conveniences. But this... this was different. The plushie wasn't part of his routine. It wasn't something he had ever cared about before. So why did it feel like a lifeline now? Why had the thought of losing it made him act so irrationally?
Zhan stared down at the worn lion, his grip loosening but his heart still tight. It wasn't just Yibo's presence he missed—it was the meaning behind every little thing Yibo brought into his life, things he hadn't realized he depended on until they were gone. The plushie, ragged and old, wasn't just an object; it represented Yibo's quiet warmth, the way he softened the edges of Zhan's otherwise controlled, rigid world.
In Yibo's absence, it wasn't just the routines that had been disrupted. Zhan was beginning to understand that Yibo had filled spaces in his life he hadn't even known were empty. Now that those spaces were void, everything around him felt cold and unfamiliar, and Yibo's belongings, no matter how insignificant, felt painfully valuable. It wasn't just the object—it was the connection, the unspoken bond Yibo had woven into Zhan's life, and losing even a thread of it felt unbearable.
Then how could he allow himself to lose Yibo~~~ "can he breath alive without Yibo?".....No, the question had changed....."Did he want to breath alive without Yibo? Did he even want his independence back?"
...To Be Continued
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Mark: 1. The chapter is too long, could seems boring to many, try to shorten.
2. Also by the chapter think a plot to bring Yibo back in action. Zhan's sufferings is inevitable. It is normal habit of people to take people's care for granted so let him suffer without mercy. Not gonna make Zhan a saint that a blub clicked and he became a lovey-dovey husband overnight, not before he made up his mind with strong commitment for Yibo. He accept change for himself.
Resolution to do: 1) Remove all the tags like vote, comment, please share, follow me.......remove all tags from every chapter. There is no need. If readers don't like to do it, don't need to push them. While reading 1000 or more words if someone felt nothing to share, let it be.
2) No picture sharing....strictly....so that no copyright issue and also if that WN plan works then it will be easy to transform all stories into normal novel like a boy & girl story, then this account can be deleted without any problem.