𝓢𝓪𝓶
"You're mine now, il mio passerotto. Proprio come io sono tuo."
His words kept repeating in my head on a loop. His tone of voice, the look in his eyes, even the way he touched me was all so vivid in my memory.
Erick was exactly what I was looking for, and by the sounds of it, he felt the same way about me. Oh, what I would give to be under him again, just as I was last night. I would give him everything I had to offer, and I knew he'd take it mercilessly.
"Mr. Rees?" My student, Amber, startled me.
"Yes?" I said, swallowing my thoughts of last night. The crude image of Erick looking down at me. Shit, I needed to focus on where I am, not where I was.
"How many pages are required for the essay due next week?" She questioned.
I sighed, knowing I had already told the class on two different occasions. Amber was a good student, so I didn't mind repeating myself. It was rare that I had to with her.
"I'm not requiring a set number of pages or words, Amber. As I said last week, and over the email announcement, this assignment is student driven, requiring four sources, and is on a topic of your choosing."
"Ok, thank you, Sir," She said, smiling as she turned to walk back to her seat.
As I watched her leave my desk, I had to appreciate how active she was in making the instructions clear. Yes, sometimes it got on my nerves, having to repeat myself multiple times, but it was better than having incorrect work turned in.
Some people needed that little bit of affirmation, even if they knew the answer to their questions.
"Mr. Rees," I looked up once more, expecting to see Amber with another question. Instead, I found Ryan in front of me. "I'm having trouble picking a topic." He stated, looking uninterested.
"You haven't picked a topic yet?" I asked, confused.
"No, because I don't know what I should write about," He said pointedly.
"Your sources are due on Wednesday, in two days, you know that, right?"
"Yeah, which is why I'm trying to find a topic," He shrugged.
I pinched the bridge of my nose, closing my eyes to remind myself that it's good that he's at least trying to do his work, even if he did procrastinate the hell out of it.
"It's a short essay that can be informative, persuasive, argumentative, or anything else. Just pick a topic that interests you,"
"I don't have an interest so interesting that I'd want to write a whole essay about it," He complained.
"Well, what are you interested in?" I asked, leaning on my desk with my arms crossed. Sounds like he'll have to make do with whatever comes to mind.
"Night Lux,"
I gave him a bored look. "You cannot write an essay about Night Lux." I stated firmly.
"But it's a topic that I'm interested in," He said, trying to convince me. "Plus, didn't you say that it could be anything of our choosing?"
Taking a deep breath, as I refrained from sending Ryan away. He's just trying to get on my nerves. I kept telling myself that I should be thankful that he came to me instead of letting the assignment go unstarted.
"If you can keep the essay PG, then I'll allow it." I said. I'd rather come to a compromise instead of having a futile argument with him.
"I promise it'll be PG," He said with a shit eating grin.
He was lying, no doubt about it. I dismissed him anyway, waving him back to his seat. Throughout the remainder of the class. I didn't have any other students asking questions, which meant I had that time to work on my own 'writing assignment'.
I started working on my book again, and after my... experience last night, I had some insightful emotions to write about.
Everything about last night seemed unreal, god I couldn't get it off my mind. Erick was the cornerstone of my desires, and last night only proved to exacerbate that. I would sign that contract a million times over if it meant I could have him all for myself.
The remainder of class was rather quiet with the low hum of whispers as the students worked on their essay sources and rough drafts. They only had a limited amount of class time to work on the assignment, so a few skipped class, and the others took advantage of their allotted time.
By the end of the lecture, everyone had packed their things and made their exit. As I wrapped up my last sentence, Ryan approached my desk on his way out as the last few stragglers were making their exit.
"Essay coming along well?" I asked, looking up at him as I shut the lid of my laptop.
"I mean, yeah, I guess," He shrugged.
"You guess?" I raised a brow.
"Can I ask you a question?" He said, switching the topic on the fly. I swear, talking with him is like talking to a grade schooler.
"Sure, Ryan, what about?" I sighed as I slid my laptop into my bag and stood from my seat.
"Are you sleeping with my boss?" He asked in complete seriousness.
I blinked a few times, wondering if I heard him right before glancing to the lecture room door to ensure they were shut.
"Excuse me?" I said, turning back to face him. Sleeping with his boss? No, just a bdsm contract, all normal things, right?
"He's been coming in late lately, and I saw you head into the employee hall last night. Last time I checked, you're not on the payroll," Ryan remarked, a smirk playing on his lips. "So, back to my original question, are you two a thing now?"
"Erick and I?" I asked, raising an eyebrow.
"Yeah."
"Respectfully, that's none of your business," I replied, slinging my bag over my shoulder.
"So, you are," He teased with a laugh.
"Ryan, no," I groaned, shaking my head as I walked around to the stand in front of the desk as I leaned against it with my arms crossed over my chest.
"It's just a question," Ryan shrugged dismissively, waving his hands in front of him. "No need to get defensive. I just didn't think Erick would be your type. Or you being his type either," He added as he started walking toward the doors to leave.
"What's that supposed to mean?" I shot back, my irritation showing in my voice.
"I didn't think you liked dudes," He said, making a vulgar gesture with his hands. He snickered as he reached for the door. "Or BDSM." He added.
As Ryan flung the door open, he slammed straight into someone, stumbling back a few steps. Both of our gazes snapped to the figure standing in the doorway.
Ben stood there, his expression twisting with disgust, eyes narrowing at Ryan.
"You?" He sneered before turning his sharp glare on me. "What the hell is going on here?" His voice was tight with agitation.
Ryan let out a nervous laugh, rubbing the back of his neck. "Uh, wow. You know, I actually have a class to get to, so I'll just... yeah, I'll go." He awkwardly gestured toward the door, already inching toward his escape.
Ben wasn't having it though. He cut him off before he could make it out, stepping in front of Ryan as he spoke.
"How is it that you're late to my class every single day when your lectures are literally in the same building? Less than a minute away, Ryan," He said his name with utter disgust as he continued. "And yet you still manage to come in late, distracting the rest of my students."
I was about to step in, and say something in Ryan's defense since the student was too shocked to speak. Ben was standing over Ryan, looking down at him like gum on his shoe. That type of unwarranted aggression was not going to fly.
Ryan opened his mouth to defend himself after getting over the initial shock of being yelled at, but Ben sighed sharply, silencing him with a raised hand.
"Don't bother." His lip curled in disdain. "You and your... whatever life it is that you lead, it disgusts me." His words were cold and final.
This time, Ryan remained silent. He and I both completely shocked at what Ben was saying.
"Just leave," Ben snapped pointing to the door as if Ryan was a disobedient dog.
Ryan, who looked equal parts uncomfortable and resentful rolled his eyes with a scoff as he left the room. When the door slammed behind Ryan, Ben's focus shifted to me, and suddenly I was in his path of anger.
I was baffled at the audacity of Ben to say those things to Ryan. It was downright derogatory. Completely unwarranted aggression from him to a student nonetheless. I felt myself growing angry in part.
Not only was I defensive for my student, but to what Ben was surely about to say to me as well.
"How much did you hear?" My heart was pounding at the thought that Ben overheard Ryan and me.
"I heard enough to understand what's going on here," Ben replied, his face twisted in disgust as he shook his head.
It took him a minute to even speak. I couldn't tell if it was because of the simple conversation I'd had with Ryan, or if it was because of the other, more complicated fact about me... the part that he didn't want to admit or accept of me.
"Sam," He started, his voice low, full of that frustration that was starting to get on my nerves. "What the hell were you thinking?"
I raised an eyebrow. "Excuse me?" I retorted.
"You can't be serious," Ben pressed as he stepped closer, the distance between us closing. "That conversation with Ryan. You're his professor, for God's sake."
"We were just talking, Ben. Nothing serious. And if you had the context, or hell, even heard from the beginning, you'd understand that Ryan approached me to talk about personal things, and I wasn't entertaining it." I explained, hoping my defense was enough for him to see my side.
He didn't seem to buy it. His jaw tightened. "You're crossing lines. This goes past my disagreement of you're sexuality and interests. You're supposed to have boundaries, especially with students."
I wanted to pull at my hair and yell at him that setting boundaries is all I've been doing with Ryan. Ben wasn't going to get it though. He wasn't looking for my side of the argument. He was still stuck on the fact that I'm not straight, and my interests that weren't normal.
I scoffed. "And you're going to lecture me on boundaries?" I couldn't help the sarcasm slipping into my voice.
Ben didn't back down, even at my accusation. "We're not talking about the same thing. This is different. This isn't just about my beliefs. Just because you're gay, doesn't mean you can sleep with a male student. You don't get any passes because of your sexuality."
I was flabbergasted, to say the least. Words couldn't fathom my emotions. "You think I'm sleeping with my student?" I nearly shouted. "Seriously, how much of that conversation did you hear? You clearly have a completely twisted version of what happened."
Ben's eyes narrowed, and I could see the wheels turning in his head. He was conflicted, that much was obvious. He didn't like me, sure. But was he seriously trying to twist my words and conversation with Ryan all because he didn't like me?
I looked at him, the silence stretching between us, and I realized, he was not going to let this go. What did he want me to do, apologize? I wasn't going to apologize for something I didn't do.
I was not the one who had crossed any lines here, and I wasn't going to be painted as the villain because Ben couldn't separate his personal issues from reality.
"You're wasting your time," I muttered, my voice low but steady, trying to keep my emotions in check. "I haven't done anything wrong, and I'm not going to pretend I have just to make you feel better about whatever it is you're assuming."
"If you weren't doing anything wrong, why does it feel like you're defending yourself so damn hard?" He shot back, voice cold.
Oh my god, am I talking to a brick wall?
I could feel the anger rising in me again, but I held back. Ben wasn't going to get what he wanted from me. I wasn't going to give in to whatever battle he was trying to start.
"Because," I snapped, "You're accusing me of something I didn't do. An accusation that could get me fired. That's not something I'm going to stand for."
There was a long, tense silence. I could tell Ben was struggling with himself. But honestly? I was tired of waiting for him to come to some kind of understanding. He wasn't going to, not today.
"Just drop it, Ben," I said with finality, my voice quieter now, but firm. "I'm not the one with the problem here. If you want to make something out of nothing, go ahead. But don't drag me into it."
Ben stared at me, his expression unreadable. And then, without another word, he turned on his heel and walked away, shaking his head as he slammed the door.
I stayed there, rooted to the spot, my heart racing in my chest. As the seconds stretched on, I realized this wasn't over. I just hoped he wouldn't make this a bigger deal than it was.
I admit, the conversation I had with Ryan wasn't professional, and is something that shouldn't be talked about between professor and student. But I stood by the fact that Ryan approached me, and I wasn't entertaining it. That much was enough for me to justify the fact that I did nothing wrong.
I leaned against the desk, letting out a breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding. This is ridiculous. I wasn't the one in the wrong here. Right? I needed to stop over analyzing things like this. I wouldn't always have someone like Erick to screw my head back on straight after my overthinking fits like the other night.
How could I move on though when I knew this wasn't over. Ben was probably thinking of ways to use this against me, to discredit me, or worse, to have me questioned by HR.
My stomach twisted at the thought. HR? If it came to that, I'd have to lawyer up. I couldn't lose my job over some twisted version of a conversation, some misunderstanding.
I pushed myself off the desk and grabbed my jacket, my mind spiraling. Not only was Ben angry with me, but he was fed up with Ryan too by the looks of it. Ryan looked scared of him though. Did something happen between them? God, I hoped Ben didn't try lecturing Ryan on the same things as he did with me.
Ryan didn't need to be hearing that kind of shit, especially from an educator. Ben argues with me about boundaries, and yet, he seems to be ignorant of the ones that apply to him.
I took a moment before leaving the lecture hall. I didn't want to ironically run into Ben right after our argument. His American Lit class should have started a few minutes ago. Unfortunately, by the sounds of it, Ryan had that exact class with Ben, though I highly doubt he'd be attending it after what Ben said to him.
After leaving the classroom, I walked passed Ben's class towards the exit. I didn't spare him a glance as I walked passed the open door. I heard him in there teaching, as if he hadn't just caused a hurricane of problems. I rolled my eyes while shaking my head as I left the building.
Things would go back to normal soon enough.
When I arrived home, an unsettling sense of anxiety settled over me. It was the same feeling that had kept me from writing for so long. That emptiness which drained my motivation and gradually killed my dreams, piece by piece.
That may be a bit dramatic, but who could blame me? It wasn't easy to push today's events out of my mind, but I tried.
I guess the answer to Ryan's earlier question was a definite yes.
There was no denying the connection Erick and I shared. When I had signed that contract, something inside me awakened. Perhaps the freeing sense that I found what I had been looking for. Erick had this unique way of taking control, making me forget all the negativity that had been weighing me down.
Ben would never understand that. He would never know what it felt like to trust someone like that. But honestly, I didn't feel bad for him one bit. He chose to look down on others, to isolate himself from any kind of real connection instead of opening himself up to things that aren't apart of the norm.
Unlike the argument I had with Ben before, I didn't let this one get to me. It had already taken root in my mind from when I left campus to when I arrived home. I didn't want to spiral again. I couldn't.
What was really the worst that could happen? Ben goes to HR and tells them a lie? There's no way they would take his word for it without hearing my side. Hell, they may even ask Ryan for his side too. I needed to keep a rational head about this. Spiraling wouldn't get me anywhere.
I rubbed my temples as I pushed open the lecture hall door. I halted in my steps when I saw Erick and Ryan at the bottom of the stairs along the sidewalk.
Erick?
The moment Ryan noticed me, he scrunched his face and walked away with his hands in his pockets, leaving Erick uncertain.
"This is a surprise,"" I said as I walked down the stairs toward him.
Erick tilted his head slightly. "I told you yesterday that I'd be picking you up,"
Oh, right... it must have slipped my mind.
"I thought you were joking," I chuckled as I stood right before him. "What was that about?" I asked, gesturing to Ryan who was almost out of sight by now.
Erick looked in his direction momentarily, and then back to me. "I ran into him as he was leaving. He wanted to talk to me about his employment at the club." He responded.
I sighed internally. I hope Ryan wasn't trying to withdraw because of what Ben said to him. It was way out of line.
"He's quitting?" I asked with concern.
Chuckling, Erick took my hand and started walking with me down the sidewalk.
"No, he's currently suspended because of the incident on Halloween night. He's itching to get back as soon as possible."
"Oh," I said, half relieved.
"Is everything alright? You seem stressed."
"No, it's nothing to worry about," I sighed, looking at him with a smile.
Erick gave me a suspicious expression, seeing right through my fib.
"A coworker said some harsh things." I answered half heartedly. "It's okay, really,"
"Is this the same coworker who said D/s and homosexuality were wrong?" Erick's voice dropped to a low, more serious tone.
I remained silent, confirming his suspicion. I discreetly looked around us to make sure nobody heard, primarily, Ben and his somehow everywhere hearing. I guess I was still self conscious to a point.
"We can talk about it another time." I stated, squeezing his hand in mine.
"Of course, amore mio," He said, reluctantly complying. I know he wasn't exactly happy about letting it go, but now wasn't the time.
There was a chilly breeze, making the warm sun feel a bit more cool. As we walked, the fresh air filling my lungs helped to level my head. Erick and I walked for a while, just around campus, talking about the littlest things.
"Why don't you come over to my place tonight? I can cook you dinner," His words making me blush inside and out. I hardly contained a wide smile as I responded.
"I would love to,"
We stopped in a small cafe on campus to grab a quick lunch before walking back to the parking garage. I told Erick that I'd needed to get some work done before tonight, to stay punctual with grades.
He was accepting, of course, and walking me all the way to my car, despite us being parked on opposite ends of the garage.
Leaving with nothing more than a gentle kiss, I drove home. All the while, my mind warred within. Ben, Erick, Ben, Erick, Ben, Erick... balancing both would be hard, especially when it came to the former, but I was determined to keep things sane. I had to.