I spent Christmas Day with Ricky just like we did every year. It was fun, especially since I felt like we hadn't spent as much time together just the two of us lately. We played games and stuffed our faces with dessert, and it felt just like old times.
So before that I spent Christmas Eve with Javier. They had a lot of extended family over so I got to meet all of them. They were nice but I couldn't tell you any of their names even though everyone introduced themselves to me. It was a little bit chaotic. There were at least twenty-five people in the house at once so I couldn't go anywhere without someone else being there. But I guess it didn't matter because I spent the entire day glued to Javi anyway.
He broke free from the chaos and brought me upstairs to give me my gift in private. Nervously, he pulled a tiny box out of his pocket and opened it to reveal a necklace. It was a thick silver chain bar necklace, the skinny pendant hanging vertically in the middle. Inscribed in tiny letters on the pendant was 'E & J'.
"Woah." I was whispering as I ran my finger over the inscribed letters.
He pulled his knees up to his chest and rested his chin on them. "You don't wear any jewelry so I thought you might like it. And I got it inscribed so that whenever you're not okay you can remember how much I... care about you."
My eyes went wide and I felt a rush of warmth that went all the way to my cheeks as I looked at him. It looked pretty expensive but I was afraid to ask just how expensive it was. I had never owned something as nice as it and I intended to wear it every day.
"I love it." I was still whispering. It was like I couldn't find the bass in my voice because of the sweetness of his gesture.
He chuckled at me. "I'm glad you love it."
Keeping the necklace in my hand, I rolled off the bed and walked toward his closet. Opening it, I said, "Uh, so now that I am thinking about it, my gift may seem childish compared to yours. I didn't mean for it to be that way, I just thought you would like it."
Javi watched me from the bed. "You got me a gift?"
I nodded as I rummaged through all of the junk in the closet. It was a bit unorganized to say the least. "Emerson actually let me use her debit card to buy it, with a budget of course. She said it was my reward for always doing her math homework."
"You could've gotten something for yourself."
I had found the gift that Gabriella had hid in the corner of the closet underneath a bunch of clothes. It wasn't wrapped so I held it behind my back and brought it over to him.
When I got to their house I immediately found Gabriella and got her to hide the gift for me. I didn't want Javi to know that I got him something until he was ready to give me what he bought for me. I thought it would be a nice surprise since we didn't think I would be able to get him anything in the first place. I had a little money saved—very little. By very little I meant that all I would have been able to buy was a couple of boxes of cereal, which was not enough to buy what I wanted. I asked Emerson to help me out when she was in one of her better moods and much to my surprise, she agreed. She agreed even though what I wanted to buy was a want and not a need. She handed her card to me and assured me that if I went over the budget she gave she would never be that kind again.
"Why would I do that?" I laughed. "Then you wouldn't have gotten a present from me."
I then dramatically revealed the soft brown teddy bear with pretty green eyes to him. His lips curled into a smile as he took in the sight of the bear that was about the size of his torso. Javi took it from my hands and rubbed his hand over the fuzziness.
"I know that you aren't five years old but it reminded me of you." I chuckled awkwardly. I held the hand of the bear and turned it upward which showed the tiny heart on its palm. "See how on its hand it says 'I love hugs'?"
"Well I do love hugs, so, accurate." Javi blinked softly as he gave the bear a bear hug. "I love the gift, Eli. So much."
I kneeled onto the bed in front of him, the weight of my body resting on my hands which were balled into fists. He was still holding it like his life depended on it.
"Really? I thought you would but I wasn't too sure. I've always liked teddy bears because they're so fluffy and soft. They're always there when you need them because they never go anywhere. Obviously that's because they're inanimate objects, but still. And... I don't know, I just like them." I took a small breath. "I realize that I'm rambling about fucking teddy bears and that this is pretty cheesy. I just thought you should understand why I wanted to give it to you."
Javi was biting the inside of his cheek as he listened to me. When I finished speaking he didn't say anything and simply continued watching me with a small smirk.
I scratched my forehead. "What is it?"
He tilted his head to the side. "You're really cute, you know that?"
I shrugged to which he laughed. He leaned in and kissed me softly, the bear weirdly squished between us as he did. Afterward, he picked up the bear again and held it in front of him.
"What should we name you?" Javi asked the bear. He gave it a moment of thought. "You choose, Eli. Should we name her Everest or Fallon?"
"It's your teddy bear, but I like Fallon."
He pouted dramatically. "But I like Everest more."
Suppressing a silly grin, I said, "I like Everest too."
His eyes flickered to mine and then the bear again. He squinted at it and nodded sharply. "Her name is Fallon Everest."
"First and middle name?"
"Nope, both are her first name." Javi hugged the bear again. "Cool bears have two names as their first name."
Afterward, he sat Fallon Everst down next to us so that he could grab the box behind his bed. It was apparently my birthday present which I did not realize he was getting for me. He apologized for it being late and said that the delivery service had been slacking all holiday season. I didn't mind; I was still surprised that he had gotten me another gift.
Javier got me my own helmet to wear on his motorcycle. He said that we could ride it whenever I wanted to, no questions asked. He had no idea just how grateful I was for the meaning that went into the things he picked out for me. They were always so personalized and it made me feel special. He made me feel special.
-
School started up two weeks after that and we were back into the normal routine of things. Now we were officially in the home stretch of our senior year of high school. Everything mattered now, at least that was what everyone kept saying. It was about to be over so we needed to make the most of what time we had left.
It was also acceptance and rejection letter season. Students were crying in the hallways as they opened the email on their phones and read the 'We regret to inform you' that college had sent them. Others jumped with joy and excitement because they did not receive that email. They were telling everyone what colleges they were accepted into and made it an even bigger deal if they were offered scholarships.
I had applied to a few in-state and out-of-state colleges. I had no real desire to go anywhere specific; I just wanted to go anywhere that wasn't my hometown. I was not worried about getting into the colleges since I had already been accepted into a couple. My only concern was whether or not the extra scholarships I applied for would give me the money. I wouldn't know that for another couple of months, though.
Today was the next round of the academic competition. Javier and I had just finished the third round of it and were waiting for the results. This round was chemistry. It was difficult, to say the least, but chemistry was difficult in general so that was not anything new.
The way it worked this time was we worked on the problems together. We were a team and they wanted to see that. Everyone in the room took their academics very seriously so there was no need to worry about one slacking off and letting their partner do all of the work. Or maybe the judges simply did not care whether that happened or not.
We helped each other with the problems. There were fifty questions and they weren't simple. Half of them neither me nor Javi even knew where to start. I was looking around the room to make sure it wasn't just us who were struggling and I believe it was safe to say that we weren't. One group looked like they were on the verge of tears at the sight of the problems.
We were currently sitting on a bench in the lobby while we waited. I, once again, hated the feeling of not knowing. I usually had little faith that we did better than everyone else, but the fact that Javier seemed like he had just as little faith as I did was concerning.
"Where's all your optimism?" I asked both playfully and seriously at the same time. "Normally right now you'd be talking about how we got first place."
His eyes were closed as he lightly shrugged. "I don't think we got first but I wouldn't say we got last."
My eyes narrowed as I tried to analyze him. I leaned over and put my hand on his forehead. I chuckled as I asked, "You feeling okay?"
That's when he opened his eyes to roll them. Javi pulled my hand off of his head and gave a 'hmph'. "I'm fine, just not super confident this time."
"Why not?" I leaned against the wall.
"I'm not blindly optimistic. I can still recognize when we really did not know what we were doing."
"It's designed to be hard so I don't think anyone really knew what they were doing." I said quietly. "We still knew some of the stuff on there so that's a reason to have hope, yeah?"
Javier's lips curled into a smile as his eyes found mine. "Look at you being positive."
I was surprised at myself. I did not think about what I was saying before I spoke, the words just spilled out. I could feel my cheeks warming as a smile forced its way onto my face. "Guess who I learned that from."
He bowed like he was royalty. Then, he poked me in my shoulder as his eyes glistened. "I'm so proud of you."
My chest was doing that weird tingly thing again.
A little while later it was time to get the results. Just like last time, they gave us the paper and it had the score and our place. Since it was the third round this was the determinant of whether or not we make it to the finals.
To be totally honest, I had no clue how exactly it worked. There was a point system that came from what placed each round but it was confusing. Mrs. Montgomery tried explaining it but she was our principal and not our teacher for a good reason; she was terrible at explaining things. It was fine, though, because she knew it so she knew whether or not we passed.
20/50 was our score. I wasn't surprised but I still felt bad. It was designed to be hard and I knew that. It was difficult for everyone and I knew that as well. But I could tell myself that one thousand times and it wouldn't change how disappointing it was to fail. We placed eighth. Javier and I shared the same defeated look when we saw it.
"Eighth is... wow." Javi mumbled.
Mrs. Montgomery frowned at the paper when we handed it to her. Then, remembering that she was supposed to be the uplifting figure, she forced a smile.
"So are we making it to finals?" I asked, my tone dull because I was pretty sure I already knew the answer.
"Do you boys want me to tell you or wait until they announce it online officially?" She asked with a nervous smile.
Javi and I shared a look, mutually agreeing that we wanted to know now. No idea why she thought we would want to wait any longer than we already had been. By now she had to know that waiting was eating us alive, but I digress.
"Tell us." Javi insisted.
She clicked her tongue on the roof of her mouth and then sighed. "Unfortunately, you needed to place seventh to have had enough points to make it."
Of course. I would have rather we got last place because at least then we wouldn't have almost made it. Knowing that one or two more correct answers could have put us in the finals was annoying. But what was done was done and it was over so, oh well.
Mrs. Montgomery congratulated us on our efforts and told us that she was grateful that we agreed to participate. There was only an hour left of school so by the time we got back it would be over. That meant that we were allowed to go back home and not back to school, thankfully.
Javier started the car but didn't start driving. I felt his eyes linger on me for so long that I couldn't pretend like he wasn't. So, I met his gaze.
"Whatcha looking at?"
"You."
I rolled my eyes. "Clearly, why?"
He paused and then exhaled. "Are you okay?"
"Peachy." I forced a smile but it came off more sad than I intended. "Are you?"
"I will be." I had looked away but he was still looking at me. It seemed like he wanted to ask more than what he was actually asking but was afraid to. He was walking on eggshells. "But are you seriously okay?"
"If you're worried if I am going to cry again, I'm not." I chuckled at myself. "But I mean—it sucks. We lost."
"It does suck." Javi relaxed a bit. "I just want to make sure you know that this doesn't make you any less than."
I rested my arm on the console and leaned on it. "I know. Like your mom said, it's impressive that we even made it here at all. And as stressful as it was, I had fun doing it with you."
Knowing this and hearing that from him did not make the feeling of being a failure blink away. That was not how it worked. However, while it did not get rid of the feeling, it still made me feel better about it. I could recognize now that in everything there was always an accomplishment that came out of it. I could ignore the underlying feelings and focus on the good things that we did, and it truly helped.
"Me too." Javi grabbed my shoulder and rubbed his hand on it gently. "I'm sad that we don't have a reason to study together anymore."
"We don't need a reason to study. We can study for class together, it doesn't have to be for the competition."
He put the car in reverse and relied on the backup camera as he pulled out of the parking lot. "But can we really be rivals if we study together?"
"Studying together doesn't make us any less of rivals. It just comes down to who retained more from the study session." I smirked. "I'm still trying to be valedictorian."
Javier scoffed lightly. "Trust me, I know. Don't think that because I like you that you will get it without a fight."
"Oh, don't worry, Mr. President, I know." I wiggled my eyebrows playfully. "You would do anything for me. Well, anything besides letting me win."
"I would kill for you, but letting you beat me in chess is way too far." He joked.
"Understandable."
We both burst into laughter. A couple of months ago this conversation between us would have been hostile. I would have been pissed and felt like he was bragging because that's what I felt he always did.
But now there was not an ounce of animosity between us.