Patrick
September 29th 2004
I didn't know what it was like to loose somebody, not in the way Ruby had at least.
Both of my older sisters left when they finished school and I hadn't seen or heard from them since which was five years for Marianne and three years for Jackie.
Marianne told me she was leaving for college and she'd be back for Christmas but when December twenty-fifth rolled around, she was nowhere to be found.
And then two years later I found Jackie packing late one night and she told me she was going as far as she could and she didn't plan on coming back.
Dad didn't want girls. He'd told me that on multiple occasions but even if he didn't, it was evident in the way he raised us. Well the truth was he didn't really raise Marianne, Jackie and Erin. I didn't really notice it until I was older.
He was the eldest of three rugby boys and I guess that's what he wanted as well.
When I was little, I thought he was the greatest person in the world. Which is why I could never figure out why my sisters never wanted to spend any time with him. Until I realised that it was my dad who didn't want to spend time with them and not the other way around. That was when I limited my time with him and tried my best to form a relationship with Erin, it was the least I could do. And over time, I began to loathe my father more and more.
I'd not heard much of Ruby's parents, but I knew they weren't around much. She was the one taking care of Oscar, Jesus Christ sometimes it seemed like she was his mam. She was good at it too, being a mam. Which made me worry how long she had been looking after him. She was fifteen with absent parents and a baby brother she had to care for, while also having people look at her the way they do.
Rian O'Reilly was the talk of Ballylaggin, he was going places. I didn't really know much about him, I didn't even know he was Ruby's brother. But from what I heard he could've been the next Noel Skehan. And maybe even better.
And then he was in a car accident that ended his life before he was twenty years old.
It haunted everyone for a while, there were tributes to him everywhere but the most memorable one was broadcasted live on RTÉ Sport. Mayo were playing Kerry in the All-Ireland final during the summer and had a minutes silence before the match. Kerry even fucking dedicated their win to him. It was a loss the whole of the hurling community in Ireland felt.
And yet the person who was closest to him, the girl with the inky black hair and the dark eyes who I couldn't get off my mind, was left completely and utterly alone. I'd never even heard her or his family mentioned when anyone talked about him, they all said how it was so devastating that such a young talented person was gone. And not about the people he left behind.
It had seriously been fucking with my mind since I dropped Ruby home almost two weeks ago to a, once again, empty house.
"Oi Feely" Hughie called as he jogged up to me. "Any chance of a lift home?"
"Yeah, Gowan lad." I nodded, gesturing for him to hop into the car. We had just come from training, although I could do nothing but think about her for the full hour and a half.
It was a Wednesday afternoon, the twenty-ninth of September. Since that day of my match, I'd only ever seen Ruby with Erin. And it was driving me mad that I couldn't get her alone to just ask how she was.
"What's been going on with you these past weeks, Feel?" Hughie asked, as I booted it out of the car park of Tommen.
I'd known Hughie since junior Infants, as well as Gibsie. The three of us were best friends until Johnny joined our class in sixth class, when Gibsie latched himself on to Kav. The four of us were friends but I was closer with Hughie which is why I had no idea what to tell him when he asked what was going on, because I had no idea.
"No fucking clue, Hugh." I let out a breathy laugh. With Johnny or Gibsie, I would have acted dumbfounded but I couldn't with Hughie, he would have seen straight through me anyway. Whether I admitted it or not, Hugh was my best friend. He was sort of the only person who stuck by me all of these years. He knew me inside and out.
"I've never seen you as distracted as this. Are you sure there's nothing going on at home?" He asked.
Hughie asked that question at least once a week, he didn't know what it was like to come from a broken home and I envied him for it. He got on so well with Claire that I wanted to scream every time I saw them with each other. And his parents were an even more sickening sight. I, however, avoided having him at the house as much as I could and I was lucky enough that he didn't mind. Or maybe he didn't notice. He wouldn't ever get the feeling of being more at home in a Pub with friends than at his own house. I tried not to blame him for it but I didn't understand why he was born into such an amazing family and I wasn't. What did he have that I didn't? What made him more special than me?
"Home is fine. I've just been messed up a little." I answered, tapping my leg sporadically as we waited at a red light.
"Messed up? About what?" He asked.
I shrugged. Mainly because I couldn't even form the words.
"Okay. . . Is it school or rugby, or maybe that new girl you haven't kept your eyes off of for a month." He said as if it was the most casual thing.
I shivered lightly. He was right. Ruby occupied my every waking thought and the fact I hadn't had a proper conversation with her in two weeks was eating at me.
"Fuck, Hugh." I sighed, pressing down on the accelerator harshly. "Is it that obvious?"
Hughie chuckled and when I glanced over at him he had an amused grin on his face.
"Piss off." I grumbled, taking a sharp left.
"Do you fancy her?" He asked, with a grin.
I shrugged again. I didn't even know, but I was sure that I at least needed to know how she was.
"I don't know, lad. I have spoken to her in two weeks and it's driving me mad. Is that a bad thing?" I asked, furrowing my brows.
"Wait." Hughie said, suddenly. "You've actually spoken to her. I thought you were just admiring from afar." He snorted. I didn't appreciate the comment but decided against saying anything.
"Yes, I've fucking spoke to her. I spoke to her the first day of school. And then I gave her a spin home with her little brother from the cubs. And then I practically stalked up to her at Biddies that night and then I walked her home later that night and then I gave her another spin home with her brother that day she and Erin came back to school stoned and then I invited her to the club match and then I practically forced her back to the house and—". Thankfully whatever was about to come out my mouth next was interrupted by a gaping Hughie.
"Holy fuck, Feely." He gaped, "you're in fucking deep with this one."
I hit my head against the head rest and dragged a hand down my face.
"Look, I don't know much about this girl. But I've heard enough to know that she's not a simple person. She's the fucking talk of the school, for more reasons than the fact that she's Rian O'Reilly's little sister, although that is a big part of it." He paused and took a quiet breath before continuing, "She's mates with them Druggies from BCS and that one lad that broke your jaw a few years back. . ."
It annoyed me that he knew so much about her and I so little. I wanted to know everything about her and I wanted to hear it from her. Not what everyone said about her.
"I don't care if she does that shit, Hugh. From the sounds of it she's got a fair fucking reason. She's practically the only one to take care of her younger brother. I've no clue about her parents but it doesn't seem like they're around much." I sighed "she's got a dead brother and a responsibility that no fifteen year old should have. . . There's no one to take care of her."
It was quiet as I took the turn into Hughie and Gibsie's estate. And when I came to a stop outside of Hugh's house, Katie was waiting for him at the garden wall.
Silently, he grabbed his gear back and opened the door before turning back to me.
"Take care of her then."
~ ~ ~
If I wasn't so entranced by this girl, I'd be at home watching the telly or maybe working out the back. But here I was, sat outside Ruby O'Reilly's house debating whether or not to knock in.
I was terrified of her mam or her dad answering the door and telling me to get out. I was even more terrified that Ruby would answer the door and there'd be no one else there at all.
I think I would prefer the first option, knowing she wasn't home alone would be enough to keep me going until I could catch her at school tomorrow.
Taking a deep breath, I slowly climbed out of the car and strolled towards the front door.
It was a big enough house considering it only had one floor. It was a grey brick with a big black door with a few small steps up to it and black painted windows. The dust from the gravel flew up in every which way that made me sneeze. I was pretty much hidden from the road as I walked further and further down the front drive as the bushes in the front acted as a privacy fence.
Quietly, I knocked on the big front door, so quietly I wasn't sure anyone would hear.
After a few seconds the door swung open and on the other side was an out of breath Oscar who had a goofy grin on his face.
"Hi Patrick." He giggled, "Ruby's inside. Tell her I'm gone out to play." Before I could reply, he was halfway down the drive. He was for sure the fastest in the cubs.
"Ruby." I called out, once I closed the door and began walking down the hall to where I hoped she was.
"Osc" she called "who was at the door?"
When I finally crept into the kitchen, Ruby was facing away from me as she stirred a pot of something on the stove.
My heart felt like it was beating for Ireland. I was internally freaking out as Ruby stood only two metres away from me in only her navy pleated school skirt and and her white shirt that's top three buttons were undone, her school jumper and blazer were thrown onto the kitchen table and her her navy socks were pooled around her ankles.
With bated breath, I stepped closer to her and cleared my throat.
"Patrick." She smiled, once she had turned to me. Her tanned skin shone in the lighting of the kitchen like golden sand on an Irish beach in the Summer.
"Oscar told me to tell you he's gone out to play." I blurted out, having quite literally no clue what else to say.
She groaned and turned back to the stove, "He's not meant to play before dinner."
"What are you making?" I asked. I tried to ignore the fact that I had just walked into her house uninvited and unannounced and she smiled at me. She smiled at me.
"Macaroni and Cheese." She said with a soft smile "it's one of Oscar's favourites so I thought I'd make it. It's pretty easy recipe as well."
What I said next was something I'd always remember, whether it made sense to me then or not.
"I'll help."
~ ~ ~
"20, 24, 28, 32, 36, 40." Oscar beamed as he recited his four times tables to me and Ruby as we said at the dinner table with three empty bowls in front of us.
Usually I'd be pretty bored listening to someone do maths. But the fact Oscar knew his times tables was pretty impressive considering he was only six.
"I'm gonna show mam tomorrow at dinner." He told us, excitedly. Although I couldn't help but notice as Ruby stiffened beside me.
"Where's your mam tonight?" I asked, desperate to know.
"She's being a superhero because she saves lives." Oscar nodded before licking his fork and skipping off to the sitting room.
"She's a nurse in the hospital in Cork city, she's working the night shift." Ruby nodded before grabbing the three bowls and heading towards the kitchen sink, I stood up quickly and followed her.
"And your dad?" I asked, gently taking the bowls from her and rinsing them out in the sink.
She sighed and hoisted herself up to sit on the counter, "He's away. He works as an engineer on one of those big cargo ships. He won't be back until November."
Something told me to reach out and pull her into my arms and never let go. But I didn't do that. Instead, I just loaded the dishes into the dishwasher and leaned against the counter opposite her.
"They're not around much?" I asked. Tapping my foot gently against the old wood floor.
"Nope." Ruby smiled softly and let out a long breath. "Just me and Oscar most of the time."
I dragged a hand down my face before looking back up to her. "I don't like knowing you're on your own." I said quietly.
She shrugged, looking absolutely helpless. And for once, she let me see through the tough teenager act and underneath to the lonely little girl. And I knew right then and there.
I'd never let her feel alone again.