❛❛ ─── chapter thirty
PERFECT PEACE.❜❜
TO THROW SOMEONE TO THE WOLVES is to abandon someone to face danger or criticism alone, especially to save oneself.
The first period after lunch always carried the faint scent of microwaved kimchi stew and half-forgotten gossip. But today, for Ye Seul, the air was too thick to breathe.
She walked back toward the classroom with Young Chul trailing behind her, shoulders hunched, steps awkward and uncertain like he could feel the tension leaking off her body and didn't know how to hold it for her.
She didn't speak and didn't look back. She was just . . . existin but even before her foot crossed the threshold of the door, she heard their familiar voices.
Painfully familiar.
"Hi. Hello, my brothers," Hu Min's loud voice sang through the air, playful and grinning as he entered
Her stomach twisted. From the hallway, she could already see Si Eun and Jun Tae sitting together, heads bent over notebooks. Si Eun's pen moved with careful precision, and Jun Tae was kneeling beside him, copying notes in his usual frantic scrawl.
They were probably studying for some quiz she didn't know about. Everything moved on with or without her.
Then, as if on cue, Hu Min flung his arm over Si Eun's shoulders with a crooked grin. "Are you studying?" he asked, peeking at Si Eun's notebook like he had no plans of actually helping.
A voice followed immediately, familiar and sharper.
"You're bothering Si Eun again, you punk," Hyun Tak said as he entered behind him. His tone was scolding, brotherly. There was warmth and comfort in it, kind she once knew.
He slapped Hu Min's back, and Hu Min yelped, turning around to kick Hyun Tak in retaliation. But Hyun Tak didn't even flinch. "Stop bothering Si Eun while he's studying."
And then he pulled a chair to sit in front of Si Eun, leaning back casually, comfortable among them. Like nothing had happened and everything was normal.
Hu Min grinned again, gesturing to something on the page. "Okay, what's this? 2XL? Are you measuring sizes—"
His words stopped as all four of them fell quiet and Ye Seul knew why . . . because she had stepped inside. Their eyes, four pairs of them, found her like magnets.
She didn't even need to look to feel the heavy weight of their stares. Drenched in confusion, disappointment, and a pain they probably didn't even understand yet.
But she looked anyway. She looked and met Jun Tae's eyes first. He looked at her like someone clinging to hope. Hope that she would smile. That she'd say something, that she'd come back to them.
But she said nothing. She only walked forward in a measured steps.
She reached her old seat which beside Si Eun and grabbed her bag with a shaking hand. She didn't look at them, Ye Seul didn't even dare. Even though she felt their gazes burning into her skin.
She turned and placed her bag on the seat next to Young Chul's her new seat.
Her exile.
And then she left the classroom without a word even as their eyes followed her back. Even as her chest ached with the effort of not turning around.
The bleachers were empty. The field stretched wide and quiet in front of her, save for the wind rustling through the leaves. She sat at the edge, arms wrapped around her knees like it could hold her together when nothing else could.
The silence gave her space to think. But her thoughts were cruel. She stared at the grass, eyes unfocused.
The words her father screamed last night echoed in her skull. The look in Hyun Tak's eyes in the hallway. How Jun Tae's hopeful face crumbled.
Her vision blurred as her tears fell silently. Just one, at first, then another. She swiped them away quickly, hand trembling as it brushed her cheek.
But more came. And more, and more before she suddenly she was sobbing. Her shoulders shook violently as she gasped, trying to muffle the sound with the sleeve of her hoodie, but it didn't help. The sound tore from her throat, raw and unkind.
She hated this. Ye Seul hated herself.
How did everything fall apart so quickly
She didn't betray anyone nor didn't ask for this. All she did was try to protect her friends from something bigger than them from Seongje. From the Union.
But no one knew that.
They only knew the vetsiin if Ye Seul that Seongje had told them. That she was distant and quiet and no longer the Ye Seul they trusted.
Her hands balled into fists. He didn't even try to talk to me. And that thought alone made her realize he indeed believed what Seongje had said.
She wanted to hate him, she wanted to scream and tell him everything. But she knew . . . she knew that if she did, he'd come running. He'd fight Seongje and destroy himself to protect her.
And she couldn't let that happen.
She couldn't lose him.
But now it felt like she already had.
And worst of all? They looked happy without her. When she finally looked up through blurry eyes, she saw them. The four of them on the basketball court playing while laughing like she had never even been part of them.
And it shattered her.
She stood up quickly, her chest cramping with guilt and shame and heartbreak. She walked away as she couldn't bear to watch anymore.
Class ended. The sky was dimmer now, brushed with purple and grey. Her legs carried her out of the gate with no real direction.
She had nowhere to go.
Her hands were buried in her pockets, fingers clutching at nothing. Her mind battled with the same thought again and again.
Home or the jjiljimbang?
But she had no money left because she already spent the last bit of it last night. Which meant one thing . . . she had to go home.
The alley toward her house was narrower than she remembered. Or maybe it was her steps that felt heavier, like they didn't want to go forward.
Her palms were sweaty while her gut told her not to open that gate. But she did.
The moment the door creaked open, she knew. The smell of alcohol hit her like a wall.
Her father was home and he was drunk, again. Her heart raced like a caged animal desperate to escape, the rhythm erratic and painful. Outside, the distant chirp of crickets played a mournful tune, echoing the ache that filled the house.
He was in the kitchen, beer bottle in one hand, and the moment he saw her, his eyes flared.
"You little bitch," he snarled.
Ye Seul froze when she heard father's heavy footsteps grew louder as he approached, each step a grim reminder of the impending storm. Ye Seul's muscles tensed, preparing for the tempest that was about to unfold. She could hear the jingle of his belt, the ominous sound of leather slithering through loops
"What the fuck were you thinking?! Huh?! The fucking police called me, you shameful brat!"
"Dad—" she started, voice barely a whisper. "I didn't—"
The beer bottle slammed against the counter and the smell of alcohol wafted in, a bitter scent that seemed to seep into the very fabric of the room. His shadow loomed over her, blocking the feeble light that managed to sneak through the crack in the curtains
"Shut your lying mouth!" his words hit her like a sledgehammer, shattering any semblance of peace she had been clinging to.
Ye Seul's eyes shot open, and she saw the rage-filled gaze of the man who was supposed to protect her.
He stumbled toward her, the rage in his face unfiltered, red and hateful. "You got into a fight? You got dragged by cops? You made me look like a fucking joke!" he spat.
She took a step back and then another. "I wasn't fighting anyone. It was a misunderstanding—"
He raised his hand, and Ye Seul felt the weight of the world crash down upon her. The first blow was a sharp sting, followed by a dull throb that resonated through her body. She bit her lip to keep from screaming, the metallic taste of blood filling her mouth.
Her father's hand came down again and again, each hit landing with a sickening thud, as if he was beating a drum made of flesh and bone. Her mind began to detach from her body, floating above the scene like a specter, watching in horror as she took the abuse she had grown so accustomed to.
His hand cracked across her cheek. It stung so violently that she tasted blood.
"You lying whore," he hissed. Ye Seul held her face, tears springing to her eyes.
"I didn't—" Another slap but this time is much harder and sharper, Echoing in the room. Her head snapped sideways, vision dizzy.
"I fed you. I put a roof over your head. And this is how you repay me? You dirty slut," he growled. "Running around with boys. Getting arrested."
"Dad . . . please."
He grabbed her hair and yanked her forward. She let out a strangled cry, hands reaching up to pull free, but he was stronger, so much stronger.
He pushed her against the wall. Fist landing on her side, again and then again.
And all Ye Seul could do was scream and sob as her voice hoarse. He punched her stomach. To her ribs then to her back. The hits grew more erratic, fueled by his rage and intoxication. Ye Seul felt the warmth of tears mixing with the blood on her face.
Her father's ranting grew incoherent, the words blurring into a cacophony of anger and despair.
As the beating continued, she found solace in the thought of her mother, her gentle touch and soothing voice a stark contrast to the horror she now faced. The pain grew unbearable, and she wished for the sweet release of oblivion to take her away from this torment.
But she knew she couldn't give in. Not yet. For in the depths of her soul, she clung to the belief that she deserved more, that she was more than the sum of her bruises.
Her legs gave out. She dropped to the floor as her body shaking and blood in her mouth.
But it didn't stop.
Her father kicked her side, again and again. His shadow swayed as he stumbled away, the clank of his belt buckle a harsh reminder of the weapon that had just been used against her
And then he yanked her arm. Dragged her up by her wrist like she was nothing more than garbage.
"You think you can embarrass me and stay here?!" he roared. "You're not my daughter anymore!"
She whimpered, barely able to stand. "If I ever see your face again, I'll kill you myself."
Then he opened the door and threw her outside like trash.
Her body hit the pavement with a dull, broken thud.
The air was cold but the coldness couldn't compare how everything hurt. Her cheeks were swollen. Blood trickled from her nose, her ribs throbbed and her legs wouldn't move.
But what hurt more . . . was her heart.
She lay there, bruised and shaking, arms curling around herself as tears fell freely now. She had nothing.
No one.
No family, friends or even a place to sleep.
The pain in her chest felt endless like she could just stop breathing and no one would notice. She pulled herself up slowly. Step by step.
But the whispers of death grew louder, the seductive promise of an end to her suffering beckoning her. Ye Seul's eyes searched the room for an escape, for anything that could grant her reprieve
Her body screamed with every movement but she kept walking. Because if she didn't, she'd die right there.
She walked to the park.
The same one she used to go to with Hyun Tak.
She sat on the same bench they used to share. The world felt too quiet.
She touched her cheek only to wince because of her bruises stung. Her left eye was swelling and her white hoodie was bloodstained. Her own hair clung to her face with sweat.
She looked worse than she ever had. But this time? There was no one to help her wash it away.
Her sobs returned in louder and she sounded hopeless. "I don't want to live like this anymore . . ."
She buried her face in her hands.
"I don't want to live at all . . ."
But even as the tears blurred her vision, her shaking fingers reached into her pocket. Her hand trembled.
She scrolled through her phone. Only one name mattered.
Only one number. She dialed it and screen lit up.
And as the rings echoed, her body slumped against the bench. Her chest rose slower as her eyes fluttered. The bruises throbbed, and she felt the edges of the world blur.
She was slipping.
Her lips parted in a whisper, cracked and hoarse before everything faded to black.
AUTHOR'S NOTE
helloooo how r u all?? i hooe u guys are doing good :D i'm sorry for the heavy chapter . . . IM FREAKIN CRYING WHILE WRITING THIS CHAPTER my heart ached for my baby yeseul :(
jtlygk i'm listening to right where you left me and you're on your own kid while writing this hehe (basically taylor swift songs while writing majority of the chapter of this book so expect some reference :3)