"What?" I blurt in disbelief.
"How many times do I need to repeat myself?" scorns the dark-haired kitchen girl, Naya.
"And keep your voice down. Are you try to wake Shounou-sama?" joins Naya's older twin, Nade.
"But you just said-"
"I know what I said," Naya scoffs, rolling her eyes. "Shounou-sama has granted Asuka and her father a week's holiday. And you will be serving him instead."
The first thing after I set foot in the kitchen is having these scornful twins grudgingly relate to me of the news. Even after Naya enunciated it for me twice, I still think I've misheard.
"But I've my own tasks," I protest. Naya throws me a glare. The twins ended up just as Asuka described them to be, though they were fine with me until this morning.
"And we had to do them even though they're your job," Nade says, arms crossed over her chest. Her expression is the splitting image of her sister's, as if she's her closest minion.
"Although Shounou-sama told us to do them, don't think you can take it too easy and play princess," Naya adds.
"Play princess? Where are you getting at?" I fight to sound even. "I can get my own work done by myself."
I'm about to turn to leave when Naya says, "And your work at the moment is to be grateful that the lord chose you to serve him." She groans to her sister beside her, "I don't know why he chose her when he could choose one of us. She doesn't even know anything!"
"Wait, he what?" I ask, earning an irritating pair of annoyed faces.
Since that evening in his office, I've been selecting ways on how to avoid him, which was rather a tough time since I'm working in his estate. For few days I was able to successfully work without even a glimpse of his shadow. I don't know what to think of what he spoke to me. A chill swims down my back whenever I recall of his touch.
Now Asuka is absent and Naya is telling me he chose me for servitude. Perhaps I'm imagining things too much for my own good. Because, he granted not only Asuka holiday but also his assistant, who is the girl's foster parent.
"Why don't one of you serve him instead?" I say over to them at the countertop.
"Well sounds like someone can't even do that properly then," Nade says without glancing back.
I bristle, but restrain from retorting. Determined to find some other chores to do, I turn from the kitchen and exit all the while resisting the urge to kick something.
_______________
"Agh! I don't get the lord!" I hear Naya cries out when I approach the kitchen. "He keeps asking for her!" A shattering noise sounds soon after.
I halt near the door. It's not surprising that he is. Feigning a rough voice and executing some coughs right before it was time to serve him, I was able to pass on the task to Naya. She instantly believed it, stating that I should never be near him with my 'dreadful' sickness. For once I thanked her squeaky love toward the Mayor.
The twins turn as I enter the kitchen. Naya gives me a resented look before proceeding to clean up the mess she made near the fridge. Sourness spreads from the broken jar of pickled radishes. Nade simply ignores me.
I walk to the sink and put down a new container of soap I found in the storage room. Pouring a good amount of it, I wash the used utensils and wares. It's already evening, signifying the end of my work time. Naya has been a good bait.
As if on cue, the younger twin jabs her words to my back. "Shounou-sama asks for you once you're done," she begrudgingly says.
A bowl nearly slips from my hand should I not catch it in time. I throw her a look. "Why?"
She glowers. "How should I know?"
My mind races, dismayed. I'm only one step away from going home. Why can't things just go my way for few minutes longer?
But I don't have much choice. If I want to support Senya I need this job.
I have to do it.
______________
It's late by the time I tread on the porch toward his quarters. The moon is probably visible. There's nothing more I want to do than just stay somewhere and stare at it. To remember all those moments again.
My thoughts scatter when I come to a stop before a pair of intricate screen-doors. A cup of steaming tea rests on the tray in my hands. The lord didn't particularly ask for it, but I figure it's better than to come empty-handed. Pretending away the event that evening is the best method to face him I've decided.
"Excuse me, my lord," I speak to the doors without getting down on my knees. "I have brought you tea."
A few seconds after comes a soft response. "Come in."
I steel myself, and open the door. Alluring scent of lavender greets me firstly as I step inside. His room is neatly furnished. I try not to let my eyes stray.
The lord stands before a huge wardrobe, his back to me. He's adjusting the sash to his light gray yukata around his waist, and turns to me. His gaze holds the same certain tenderness that I don't know how to respond with. So instead I search for a surface to place the tea.
I move to the low table positioned at a side of the spacious room. Kneeling down, I lightly set the cup onto the table.
"I hear that you're unwell," the lord says behind me. "Are you alright?"
"Yes, it is only a mild cold," I say, getting up, and startle at the closeness between us. I hadn't hear him coming over to me. I stagger back a little, willing my chest to calm down.
He searches for my eyes. I allow a quick look. A shiver rattles in me at the realization of privacy that's given on the situation. With a downcast face, I say, "You might catch my illness, so please excuse me for now."
Clutching the tray to my chest, I make a polite turn.
"I don't mind," he abruptly says and grabs my wrist. I freeze at the contact. "It might have been rude of me the other day, but I don't intend to be sorry. Because I meant it."
I swallow. "Thank you," I manage without turning around, "but-"
"I want to know more about you," Shounou cuts, his grip becoming firmer. "I've been watching over you ever since. I know how you look so sad whenever you're alone. Is there something wrong?"
My mouth parts to respond, but the word won't come. The lie won't come.
"We can get to know each other more," he says. "I want to understand you."
I want to understand you.
Emotion rises like waves to my throat. How did the words I use find it's way back to me? In a different place, another time. To another person.
More than anything else right now, I want to understand you.
Shinsuke.
"My lord, please-" My voice fails as tears flood my vision. I drop the tray to the floor. Shounou flips me around. He looks wide-eyed when he realizes I'm crying. Embarrassed, I wrestle my hand away out of his. "Let me go," I plead.
He only tightens his grasp and steps closer. "Then tell me why are you crying," he mutters. His tenderness cracks the walls I've been building to shield my true feelings. He brushes a finger underneath my eyes. His gaze reaches into mine and reminds me of a certain solitary green. Longing tears my heart like savage claws. I shout to myself that this isn't that person at all.
"It's nothing," I croak, still struggling away. But he won't relent. My movement becomes one of desperation. Shounou grabs my other arm as I force myself apart. The impact sends us tumbling to the floor.
Sharp pain shoots from my back as I hit the ground. Shounou supports himself at the last second before he could collide on me. My breaths turn ragged. I stare at his face inches from mine, eyes wide and teary. Emotions are still raw in my throat.
I attempt to shove him away. He pins my arms down on either side. Tears of humiliation and fear stream from the corners of my eyes. "Let me go, please," I whisper over the sobs.
I shut my eyes when I feel him lean down. I want to scream when he lays his lips atop of mine, but a weight pressed to my abdomen where my wound is silence my voice as pain overtakes.
Strength gives in to a drowning hurt. No matter how hard I writhe he won't spare a chance to a separate. Tears pours down my face as I weep beneath his touch.
In another life, maybe I could welcome him into my arms. But not this one.
Not this life.