That night was spent by me running my hand up and down my still stitched cuts, each time I flinched. I wondered why I'd lived, I felt guilty for it. Here I was with a hell of a more stable family than Jack but yet I wanted tp die. Jack was simply amazing yet he was put through hell, yet he was still here. I wished I could take Jack's pain away, I wished I could make him happy.
I didn't sleep for more then a minute tonight. I got up and took a warm shower, the water burned against my cuts but it gave me a sense of relief, almost as if maybe this could replace the scars. I looked at my arms, I began to pull on each stitch, I wasn't sure what I was hoping to do only that I wanted to feel something. I began to pull out the first one, it slowly began to bleed. Before my own eyes I watched each of my cuts reopen and bleed once more. I was amazed by the blood going down the drain, I liked it. Soon I was light headed unaware whether it was because of my lack of sleep or because of the blood. I quickly put clothes on and collapsed onto my bed, waking up Rian in the process. I heard him yell for a nurse and I heard the door open quickly. I fell asleep in the nurses arms.
Hours later I woke up in my bed. my room was full of nurses and doctors, I looked around and I saw Jack I quickly smiled at him and he smiled back. I wasn't sure what was going on. I looked at my arms and I had soft casts on them.
"What are these for?" I asked.
"Since you pulled at your stitches you have to wear this until they can come out," a doctor answered.
"At first we thought you passed out because of blood lose but it was mostly do to sleep deprivation," A nurse said.
Every nurse and doctor left the room leaving me alone with Jack and Rian.
"Are you okay man?" Rian asked.
"Well considering the fact that I have to arm casts on I don't think so,"I replied.
"Why'd you do it?" Jack asked.
"I wanted to feel something."
Jack looked down and Rian sighed.
"Your parents came," Jack finally said.
"Did they leave?" I asked.
"Well, yes, but they're worried about you Alex, they're scared," Rian said.
"I wish I had had parents like that," Jack commented.
"I'm so sorry Jack, I shouldn't feel like this when you've got it so much worse," I said.
"Don't compare yourself to me." Jack started, "We're all in the same hell, just different devils."
"That's deep man," Rian joked.
"I think I heard it in a movie or something," Jack chuckled.
Someone then knocked on the door.
"Who is it?" I asked.
"It's Zack." Rian stood up and opened the door.
"Hey Alex, I hope your okay," Zack said.
"I'm fine now, well except I have these things now," I said lifting up my arms.
"Do you guys wanna go into the rec room?" Rian offered.
"It'll probably be more uplifting then this," I said standing up.
We walked into the rec room and everyone stared at me, I assumed the news of my pulling out my stitches had spread. I walked to the couch and sat down, Jack sat down next to me and Zack and Rian next to him. Jack put his arm over my shoulder, I knew it was in a friendly matter but it made me smile and gave me butterflies, but I bruised it off as nothing.
Jack put on some weird ass game show so Rian grabbed the remote and gave it to Zack and he put on a music channel. As each video played Jack and I made dumb commentary. A video by Blink 182 started to play and I saw Jack get the happiest smile I'd ever seen. Once it was over he looked to me and said, "They saved my life."
I was speechless but Jack didn't care, I guess he was glad to have told me. Bulletproof Love by Pierce the veil played and I was suddenly filled with memories of Lisa, God I missed her.
Once curfew came Rian and I walked to our room and I slept a full night for the first time in so long.