Calum's POV
"This looks so sick." Sam grins, twisting his arm to see the tattoo now on the under side of his forearm, just below his elbow.
"I like that you finally have it. I've had mine for years, just waiting until the day you got yours to match." Maddie is smiling, but I can tell it's not as genuine as she is trying to play up.
"What a day to get it too." I chuckle humorlessly, leaned between the seats to keep a hold of Maddie's arm as she drives us back towards Grams and Gramps. She has been exceptionally clingy since the news story at the diner, staying at my side, always holding onto my arm or hand, and laying against my shoulder while Sammy got his tattoo.
She's terrified, and it breaking my heart to see her this way. I'm sure no one else in the world could make her this scared, and I can only be so thankful that I am the one who she is trusting to hold her up through whatever storm we are about to enter. At least I know I will not be letting her down, I will not be leaving her side. Exceptionally thankful to my band mates for getting married and having a baby so I can also be at home for the next few months.
"What is Grams doing?" Sam frowns as we pull into the driveway, Grams face looking very troubled as she stares at the stack of mail in her hand. Her left foot is raised onto the porch step but she is frozen in place.
"Grams? What is it?" I ask as I step out of the car, holding Maddie's door open for her.
"Letters." Grams turns, her eyes laced with more fear and hurt than any old lady should ever see.
"From Chris?" Sam frowns, hurrying to take the stack from his grandmother and guide her safely into the house.
"Yes." I hear her say, sending icy chills through my body. "One for Sam, and one for Maddie."
"Why would he... why would he send these?" Maddie asks, taking the letter with her name on it when Sam holds it out shakily.
"My guess is it has something to do with why he was on the news at lunch too. And we better figure out what it is." I swallow my fear as best I can, guiding both Sam and Maddie to the couch as they stare at the letters in their hands.
"Read, read yours first and then I'll read mine, I guess." Maddie stumbles over her words as she nods to Sammy. I make sure to keep an arm around each of them as Grams and Gramps sit nervously across from the three of us on the loveseat.
"Okay." Sam clears his throat as he tears open the letter addressed to him.
"Samuel, I'm sure you are far from excited to be recieving this letter, but following your 18th birthday this week it is no longer illegal for me to send it. And there are things I need to get off my chest.
First, I want to tell you how remorseful I am for the entire duration of your life. I am sorry you never knew safety and love within our home. And I am sorry that was my fault. I am an addict and I was too stubborn to admit it, letting alcohol take over my life and ruin my family. I'm sure you can't believe it but it's true. I hurt all of you and I could have prevented it, if I'd just admitted I needed help. I truly did love your mother at first, I thought she would help save me, but instead I destroyed her...
Second, and I'm hoping Madison gets this news before it breaks as well. I have been approved a retrial, my lawyers have got me scheduled for court dates starting the second week of September. The retrial stands on the grounds that I was not in a right state of mind and that with treatment and my good behavior over the last nine years, I may be able to enter society again as a sober citizen, able to live without causing harm to others.
With this new round of court dates and trial, I would like to extend an invite for you and Madison to come out to visit with me and make amends, so I do not have to stay away from you once I am free. I would like to take this as an opportunity to restart, to be the father I never was to either of you.
Sending this with hope in my heart and remorse in my veins.
Dad."
"Fuck that. No! Hell no! He is not getting out. He is not coming back. No!" Maddie jumps up, storming from the room without her letter. The screen door slamming loudly behind her as she leaves, making all of us jump slightly.
"Are you okay, Sam?" I ask quietly, feeling the need to be the one to take control.
"No. But find her, she's even less okay. She's more damaged, more afraid, more scared. I'll be here when you've calmed her." Sam sighs, rubbing his finger softly along the scar stretching his face.
"She'll be at the park." Grams frowns as I stand up.
"I know. Thanks. I'm going to take this." I mumbles, grabbing the letter off the sofa table.
"Be careful. Be gentle. Remind her she isn't that girl anymore." Gramps stops me by grabbing his arm.
"I know. I'll be careful." I nod, slipping out the door.
My hand slides through my dark curls as I walk, thinking over the contents of Sam's letter, trying to figure out what the hell I'm supposed to do. How can I fix this? How can I protect Maddie, and Sam, and my relationship.
What can I even say that is worth anything to Maddie? I can't promise things will be okay, I don't know if it will. I can't promise to be by her side 24/7, it's not realistic, not with our jobs. I can't promise security to her and that hurts, knowing I can't stop the fear and pain that is already taking over the woman I love.
I stop walking as the path curves, catching sight of the Maddie a few meters ahead. She's curled up in a position I've seen before, seated under the large tree where the river bends, curled around her knees, shaking with sobs. Last time she had been upset with me for defending her to some girls at the diner. This time it isn't my fault, but it is so much worse.
"Mads," I whispers, sitting softly in front of her, scratching her knee gently.
"He can't." She chokes, lifting her eyes, bloodshot and full of fear, mascara dripping from her lashes and smudged down her face. She looks more broken than I have ever seen.
"He can't come back. He can't fucking try this shit. He killed my mom, he murdered her and ruined my whole life. They can't let him go, he'll do it again. I know him, he will. What the fuck is he thinking? Asking Sam and I to give him another chance. Like hell I let him anywhere near me or my brother. It's been nine years, Calum, nine years since he got locked away. Why can't he just stay locked away? He hasn't even been locked up as long as he abused me. How is that fair?"
"It isn't, and I am going to do everything in my power to help keep him behind bars. He doesn't deserve a second chance, and I refuse to let him anywhere near you or Sam. I can't promise I will make it happen, but I will use every last effort I have to try. I'm not leaving, Mads, no matter what. I love you more than anything in this world, and I hate that I can't take your pain away."
"I haven't been this scared in nine years, Calum. I don't know what to do..."
"We are going to take this one day at a time, that's what we are going to do. Today we will cry and panic, we have to read your letter today too, and make sure Sam is okay. Today we let ourselves live in the reality of our fears, and collect data on what is happening." I shift to pull her into my arms, unable to watch her sob in front of me any longer.
"And tomorrow?" Maddie's arms tighten around my middle, fisting the back of my t-shirt as she questions my plan.
"Tomorrow we fly home, we accept what is so far and don't bring it up until next Monday. Sam's letter said court dates start in September. You can't leave prison without a court date, so we have a couple weeks of safety. And this week we focus on Luke and Sierra and their wedding. Chris is September's issue. So once we get home we dive in full force to making this wedding perfect, and you can cry your pent up fears out at night to me, when we are alone. I will set up a meeting for us both with the legal team the band works with. Find the right lawyer, the best lawyer we could possibly have on our side, and we will meet with them next week. And they will help us figure out what we need to do, who to talk to, and how to win this. There is no way we are letting him get out without a full blown battle. I won't allow it. Can we make it through this week, baby? Focusing on the wedding?"
"I can try. And I will try. But I haven't been practicing my stone cold blank emotion look for a couple years. I might crack..."
"Do your best. We don't want him taking the joy from anyone else, and if everyone is worried about you this week, it will unintentionally pull some fun from the wedding. So try, for Luke and Sierra."
"I promise. But you have to promise to help me, to watch, to be as on me as you were when I was recovering from my attempt. Because if anything is going to drop my mental state, it's this. And I'm terrified of what I am capable of in a situation like that."
"I've got you, babe. Until the end, I've got you. Don't worry one second about that." I hum, pressing a long and loving kiss to her temple. Knowing for a fact that I will be keeping an eye on her, unwilling to let her spiral the way she did a couple years ago.
"I never thought I'd have to deal with him again."
"I never thought I'd have to deal with him period. But here we are, and we have to show him he hasn't won, that his actions will continue to keep him behind bars paying the consequences. Drunk or not, addict or not, he made a choice that night and he has to live with it. You and Sammy have been living with your own versions of consequences from his actions, he doesn't get to get off easy on his. But Mads, we have to see what he wrote to you, we have to know all that we can going into this."
"Not out loud. Just read it to yourself and I'll do the same." She nods, twisting to fall between my legs, leaning her back into my chest as I tear away the end of the envelope I'd brought with me.
Madison,
I hope these words are even read by you. I know there is no reason for you to want anything to do with me, but I'm still writing anyway.
I apologize, for everything. Sitting in prison has given me ample time to sober up and to think, and there are so many many things I did wrong with you. I never meant to hit you, not originally. That day I did for the first time, it was a bad day for me and my anger got the best of me, so I took a swing, and somehow it felt good in my messed up brain, so it kept happening. Hitting you when I was angry satisfied this weird need. And drunk me couldn't stop the need for that rush.
I cringe as I think back, knowing how many bruises and scars must cover your body and mind from my time in your life. And especially when I think of the big one; the one that should have killed you. I hope you've had it properly checked out and cleaned. I honestly hate that your mother was so afraid of me that she wouldn't go against my wishes and take you in. Your stubborn determination to stay alive for her and Samuel was what kept you alive that spring. I can honestly not see another reason you survived that, and I know Sam would not have. So thank you for protecting him.
Maddie, I hope you know I did love your mother, I did believe she could change me, but we all know it didn't go that way. I destroyed her, I broke her, physically, mentally, emotionally. She wasn't strong enough after losing your dad to control someone with such an aggressive addiction, and it ended up with her being killed. And I'm sorry, maybe life could be different if you had turned me in. But who could blame you for not, you were as terrified as anyone, if not more so.
I want you to know, Maddie, I'm being given a second trial, and a second chance. If I am able to walk free again, I would love nothing more than to get a second chance to be the man I never was in your life. To show both you and Samuel that I have a good side, that I can be a good father. I know I don't deserve that chance, but I am asking for it anyway.
I am so eternally sorry for the awful things I put you through, but I am trying to make amends, I hope you can see that, and will allow it.
From a sober and sincere heart,
Chris.
"Fuck him." Maddie growls softly as she finishes reading. "Stop blaming the alcohol and take responsibility for your actions. You were an abusive, incapable of love, angry, drunk bastard turned murderer. And that's all you'll ever be."
"I'm going to keep this, and Sam's if he will let me, for the lawyers. I don't believe a word he wrote, and I intend to make that very clear to our side. And to his come time." I nod in agreement.
"Thank you. We can go back now I guess. But I need you."
"Come on, Sam needs us both, and Duke is waiting anxiously to cuddle up in his mama's arms and calm her heartbeat." I smiles, scooping Maddie up and standing her on her feet. "I love you, Madison Rose, and no crazy step-dad trying to get out of prison is going to change that, okay? Let's go take care of Sam and you. You need it." I bring her into my chest, holding her tightly for a long moment. Turning then to support her weight against my side as we trek back down the river path towards her grandparents home.
Maddie's POV
"Sammy?" I question softly, pushing open the door to his bedroom.
"I feel like a adult now." Sam lays across his bed, staring at the ceiling, his face paled and expressionless.
"This is not what we meant when we asks." Calum chuckles dryly, dropping Duke onto Sam's chest as I close the door behind me.
"Who the fuck does he think he is? Trying to convince us to let him apologize? Sober him might me more stupid than drunk him. He knows we watched him kill her, he knows we both have scars that affect our lives from him, he knows what he did. Why does he think there is anything he could say or do to make us believe he is a better man?" Sam scratches his fingers over the dogs back, ranting to the ceiling still.
"I don't think he is a better man, not at all. He always had a way with words. Mom fell for it, I learned from it. I think he wants us to believe he is changed, he wants the judge and the lawyers to believe he is changed. But he isn't. The way he wrote my letter it was full of his manipulative writing, and his fake sincerity. It read just like he used to talk to me, the few times he would pretend to be sorry for what he had done. It was fake then and I think it's even less genuine now. And I'm scared. If he gets out, there is no way Grams and Gramps can stay here in this house, or you. Especially you. He will come here, withing a few days he will be at that door trying to get to you. And that terrifies me. He remembered this address, and he couldn't remember the day of the week before. He is playing a game, and we have to make sure we hold the check mate move, or we are all going to be in big trouble." I shake my head defiantly.
"I'm scared, Maddog." Sam squeaks. "I've never been so afraid in my life, I don't want him around. I don't want him writing me letters, or going to court, or doing anything but staying exactly where he is for the rest of his life."
"I promise you, Sammy, I will spend every last dollar I have to make that happen. I don't want that bastard around you guys either. I will buy Grams and Gramps a new house, I will move you all to LA with us. Hell, I'll move you all to Sydney if I have to, to keep him away from you. This fight is not one you will be doing alone. I am part of this family now, and I will fight beside you both until the results are what we want them to be." Calum nods, his face set and stern looking.
"Thank you, Calum."
"So we need to figure out what the news story was saying about all of this, and we need to figure out when his first court date is so we can all be aware. We have to stay on top of this, without alerting him to the fact that we are, until our lawyers let him know."
"My laptop is on the desk, lets start digging." Sam nods, sitting up only for me to pull him into a tight embrace.
"I will protect you, Sammy, just like I always have."
"Let us help protect you this time, Mads, you've been the strong one too many times."
"No," Calum sighs, picking up the laptop, "This time we all carry the weight equally. The three of us will fight this together, and we will rely on people we know and trust if we need, but always us three, as equals."
"Thank you, for choosing us. Even when you should be running the other direction." I nod, knowing he could never understand the weight his words hold on me as he commits to fighting beside us in this.
"I chose you and the past baggage you carry two years ago, and I am never, ever, going back on that choice or promise."
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