tell me whatcha say now
tell me whatcha say
you said that you
would come again
you said that we
would remain friends but
you know that I do not depend on
nothing or no one
so why would you show up?
so uninvited
just change my mind like that
don't take this personal
but you ain't shit
and you weren't special
til I made you so
you better act like you know
— jhene aiko, the worst
-
|january 8th 2020
michael's house
7:27 pm|
everything michael knew was a lie. everything he knew was a lie.
it's been less than a couple of hours since the account had the group gather at gazzy's to expose the fact that jarad outed michael to the entire school and caused him to become paranoid and distrustful of his own friends, since they were the only ones who knew, and caused people at school to mock him, call him names and say he'll always be a girl - the thing that he had gotten away from at his old school.
he had a feeling that ayleks didn't do it from jump. after all, they didn't have sex and they only went out for a few weeks, and he never came out to her during their dating stint. he should've known something wasn't clean in the water when jarad started trying to fervently convince him and everyone else that it was ayleks behind the exposure.
and yet, michael believed it, because she was an easy scapegoat, and he didn't want to consider the possibility that someone within his inner circle snaked him out.
especially not his own boyfriend.
he just could not wrap his head around it, it felt so fake. jarad, the one who stood by his side to comfort him and attack anyone who even dared to speak ill on his name was the man behind it all along.
he had to get out of there. he had to get out of there before he snapped and killed jarad.
and so, he left in an anxious huff, still coming down off of a panic attack and calling an uber to the garcia residence to whisk him back to the safety and comfort of his own bedroom, where he could have a mental breakdown in peace.
but of course, jarad wasn't about to let michael shut him out that easily.
obviously, michael had no intentions of hearing him out of hearing his explanation as to why he did what he did, what could possibly be a good enough excuse for outing your own boyfriend? but if there's one thing to be said about jarad, he's persistent, and above all, pretty shameless. he was not going to rest until michael heard him out,and eventually, took him back.
so he hopped in his car and followed behind michael's uber when it arrived, already preparing a speech with his reasoning for doing what he did, with a little bit of manipulation and gaslighting thrown in there to sweeten the deal. and michael would go for it, because he's weak minded and easily manipulated and would do anything to feel accepted and loved by someone.
truth be told, jarad didn't see what he did wrong. yes, exposing your own boyfriend as transgender to the entire school knowing that he'd get backlash for it is a dirty and underhanded thing to do, but the way he saw it, his intentions were pure.
he knew that michael would get exposed sooner or later, or at the very least, people would soon grow suspicious of him. he'd never taken his shirt off in front of anyone and was extremely self conscious of his body, he didn't have facial hair and his voice was pretty high for a man. couple that with his feminine facial features and the way he seemed to always get moody around a certain time of the month, people were going to find out eventually. jarad just decided to speed up the process.
jarad knew that if he got exposed all at once as opposed to people just finding out, that the backlash would eventually fade out and people would find something else to talk about. had it just stayed a rumor, it would've followed michael for the rest of the year.
all jarad was trying to do was help. getting outed was michael's worst fear, and in a way, he helped him get over his fear, so really, michael should thank him, even if he didn't understand why he did it yet.
it was faulty logic at best, but it all made sense to jarad.
there was another reason why jarad did what he did, that he wouldn't even admit to himself: he likes seeing michael vulnerable.
obviously, he doesn't enjoy hurting his boyfriend or making him upset, but the way that michael sort of depended on him and needed his support during the entire fiasco, it made him feel needed, and a little bit powerful. michael is a sensitive, delicate person who needs validation to thrive, and by providing that validation, he made sure that michael would never leave him, that he'd always be indebted to him in a way. michael was putty in jarad's hands, and he could mold him into whatever he wanted.
until now.
"mom, if jarad asks to come in or asks if i'm here, say no, " michael fretted, kicking his shoes off and making his way upstairs to have a long cry.
his mother raised an eyebrow in confusion as she looked up from her magazine. "what happened?"
"we broke up," he answered, "and i'd rather not talk about it right now, all i know is he'll likely be over to try to convince me to talk to him and i really don't want to, so please don't let him in."
"suit yourself," she replied, and with that, michael rushed up to his bedroom, locked the door, and collapsed onto his bed.
he thought that as soon as he was alone, he'd crumble, but instead the tears never came. he was at the point where he was beyond crying. sure, he'd probably have his real meltdown later, but for now, he felt nothing.
if jarad could do that to him, what lead him to believe that the rest of his friends wouldn't? even kodie, his own flesh and blood? and jahseh already opped out one of his friends, who's to say he wouldn't do the same to him? his thoughts grew irrational and paranoid, he'd really never be able to trust again, or at least trust as easily as he did before.
jarad ruined him in a matter of minutes.
one thing was for certain: michael no longer felt bad that he had started to develop a crush on someone else while he was still with jarad.
as he laid silent atop his bedspread, he heard something hit his window. at first, he ignored it, thinking that it was probably nothing or that he was hearing things, and then it happened again, and again, and again to the point where the sound began to annoy him.
he stood up and walked over to the other side of the room, opening the window to see what the hell was going on, and then, he was hit smack dab in the middle of his face by a small rock.
"mikey i'm sorry!" jarad called out, covering his mouth after he noticed the rock landed on his nose, "i mean i'm sorry for everything but i'm also sorry for hitting you i didn't mean to, can you please come outside and talk to me?"
"leave me alone!" michael yelled back, "i don't want to talk to you now. or ever, please just let me be."
"michael please!"
"goodbye jarad," and with that, michael closed the window once more and plugged his phone up to his speakers, hoping to send his ex a message with his song choice, and block out the sounds of jarad begging from outside.
"you look so dumb right now/ standing outside my house...."
the sound of take a bow by rihanna filled michael's bedroom, and was also clearly heard by jarad outside, who knew that michael was trying to tell him to fuck off. clearly, yelling at the boy to give him another chance from two stories below wasn't going to help.
it was time for him to switch his communication methods.
liar: mikey please talk to me :(
liar: mikeyyyyyy
liar: michael
liar: michael.
liar: michael i can explain why i did what i did if you just give me a chance
liar: mikey pooh
liar: baby boy
liar: love of my life
liar: center of my world
liar: my future
liar: my oxygen
liar: michael please i can't live without you don't break up with me
liar: if you leave me i'll kill myself :((((( do you want me dead?
liar: if you loved me you'd talk to me :((((
liar: guess you don't love me anymore huh
liar: i'm sorry
you have been blocked from contacting this number.
-
𝚗𝚠𝚑𝚜 𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚏𝚎𝚜𝚜𝚒𝚘𝚗𝚜
@𝚗𝚠𝚑𝚜_𝚌𝚘𝚗𝚏𝚎𝚜𝚜
should jordan kill himself?
72 % yes
▇▇▇▇▇▇▇
28 % no
▇▇
203 votes
jan 08 2020 7:02 pm
replies:
smokepurpp: how y'all think he should do it
luvisrage: hang himself like the nigger he is? idk
smokepurrp: damn @playboicarti you better start picking out nooses :/
heroinfather: when did omar become funny lmaoaosjaosjaosa
heroinfather: actually that wasn't even funny but since it was jordan slander i'll allow it !
therubirose: THE WAY JAHSEH THE MAIN ONE GOING IN LMAOAOSAJSAOSJA
heroinfather: i'm tired of that tobacco stick built nigga :/
therubirose: i personally think he should slit his wrists 😍😍
luvisrage: hannah baker 😍
luvisrage: 2900 reasons why type beat 😍
brittanymbyrd: y'all some bullies omg @therubirose @ luvisrage
therubirose: that's why i fuck w him so heavy
luvisrage: periodt!
comethazine: if i was him i woulda been killed myself ☠️ how the fuck you cheat on a nigga, leave him for your side nigga, get rejected by your side nigga, and get your ass beat by sheyaa at the end
comethazine: how you get beat up by a BIRD ☠️☠️
luvisrage: not too much on shey toucan sam...
nbayoungboy: nah jordan faggot ass need to kill himself how you gone try to fight sheyaa fine ass over a nigga that's gay asab 💯
quandorondo: nicca yu gay too but yea dat nicca jordan should off him self 😂😂
lilpeep: i don't agree with telling people to kill themselves :(....but with that being said that nigga can die ong
theslumpgod: @lilpeep That WHO Can Die?
liltracy: @theslumpgod chill yo smelly ass out i gave him the pass
lilyachty: i also don't agree that jordan should die but i also ain't finna disagree
@nbayoungboy: @playboicarti kill yoself nigga 😂
@quandorondo: fucc hannah baker he needa do a paul walker or sumn 😂
@therubirose: @ playboicarti you killed it love ✨✨✨🧚🏾🧚🏾🧚🏾 now try yourself
@luvisrage: LMASOASJAS RUBIIIIIIII
-
jordan rolled his eyes as he read the tweets and mentions he had from his former lovers and friends telling him that he should kill himself. it hurt his feelings a little bit, especially when he saw that jahseh was one of the main ones mocking him, but of course, he'd never let it be known that he was hurt.
he sat in the middle of jeremiahs, the first time he's visited alone in a year, as he continued to scroll through what seemed to be a never ending thread of death threats. he couldn't help but to think how sad it all was. jordan had a thicker skin, but imagine if someone else who wasn't as strong as he was saw all of those comments? they should all be ashamed of themselves, he thought.
"whatever, fuck symere and fuck jahseh," he thought out loud, "i'm not toxic, they're toxic. who cares if nobody likes me right now? i like me, and that's all that matters, alright? i love jordan. jordan loves jordan, and jordan don't need none of you hoes, all jordan needs is jordan."
he didn't realize that he was speaking aloud and that other customers were silently watching him seemingly lose what little of his marbles he had left, even going as far as to kiss his own skin to show his love for himself.
"i love you jordan," he mumbled as he kissed up and down his arms, "i love you so much baby, you're all i need."
"uh...you good?" jordan snapped out of his moment of narcissism to see rakim at his table, delivering his order. he immediately grew embarrassed with himself.
"um, sorry...that was, that was nothing," the teen tried to play it off before accepting his ice cream.
rakim decided to just ignore it, "where's short stuff? your boyfriend? i never see you in here without him?" he questioned.
jordan shook his head. "we broke up like a month ago and a bunch of drama happened at school and now everybody want me to kill myself," he answered, deliberately leaving out the part where he cheated.
"high schoolers are psychotic," rakim responded, "i'm glad i graduated a long ass time ago, i think i went to the same school you go to now, if we did i'm not surprised, my school was known for being messy as hell."
"you went to northwestern?" jordan piped up.
"yeah! worst four years of my life. every day there was something new, but you only got a few more months left before you graduate, just try to ignore the bullshit and take things day by day like i did, it'll be over in no time," the older man smiled down at jordan.
"thanks, i'll try," jordan couldn't help but to return the smile.
rakim took one of the napkins at the table and started scribbling his number. "look, here's my number if you ever need some advice or if you ever just wanna talk to me about anything. you're a good kid and i wanna look out for you, i gotta go now, the manager is gonna get on my ass if he sees me standing here talking."
jordan slid the napkin into one of his pockets, "of course, thanks! i appreciate it!"
-
welp, that's not how jordan expected to wake up the next morning.
after rakim's shift ended, jordan did what he told him to do and ended up calling the number on the napkin. he really needed someone to talk to, since nobody in his inner circle fucked with him anymore and he was basically seen as a recluse. rakim invited him to hang out over at his apartment, so he came through.
hanging out turned into flirting and flirting turned into fucking and fucking turned into jordan waking up in a bed he's never been in before, next to a snoring rakim, his entire lower half sore and his blonde dreads resembling a birds' nest.
this wasn't supposed to happen.
for starters, rakim was a grown ass man and he was 17. sure, he turned 18 in september but the age of consent in florida was 18, and rakim was 25. it wasn't the worst age gap in the world, hell, it was the same age gap from that movie about an italian nigga fucking a peach, but it was still very much illegal.
whatever, he wasn't going to dwell on it too much, after all, the sex was great, even if he wasn't used to bottoming, and it for sure made him forget that symere or jahseh ever existed.
the tides were starting to turn in jordan's favor, but he couldn't just leave it at that. he had to exact one last act of petty revenge.
careful not to wake a sleeping rakim, jordan dipped out of bed and tip toed towards the nearest bathroom. his phone had charged in the bathroom overnight, right next to rakim's flat iron? that wasn't a smart choice, but he pulled his phone off of the charger cord and got to business.
he dialed the number and waited for the person on the other end to pick up, before performing his latest act of pettiness.
"hello, is this immigration and customs enforcement? yeah, i'd like to make an anonymous tip on an illegal british citizen please."
-
i know, i know i skimmed over the rakim thing but trust me, it WILL be revisited later.
also, i feel the need to put a psa in here but like....the point of this book is that EVERYBODY is toxic. i see people defending jahseh because y'all stan x in real life (for example) and the point of the book is that nobody is innocent. jahseh is trash for going behind symere's back and then acting like it was only jordan when nobody told his ass to get in bed with him, and symere is trash for constantly bringing up his rape to get back at him, jarad is trash, stokeley is trash, rubi is trash, jordan is trash, EVERYBODY TRASH. i love seeing y'all comments don't get me wrong! but i just feel like i gotta remind y'all that a lot of y'all faves are gonna do some fuckshit in this book because this ain't no pure wholesome ass book. even the ones who seem innocent rn, they got dirt coming. it's about 3 or 4 people in this book who are gonna come out still likeable but for the most part these hoes are TOXIC.
with that being said, i have questions:
1. who do you think is the most toxic (so far). i'm gonna ask this again later because i know the answers are gonna change, but who without a doubt is the most toxic person and why? 2. does jordan deserve the hate he's getting or do you think people going too far? 3. who do you think michael likes? 4. jordan and rakim...you fuck with it or naw?
-