"Oh come on, you're really not the least bit excited?" Emily smiled as she moved her eggs around on her plate.
Gina shook her head as she tried to look at her own eggs and not projectile vomit. "I'm telling you Em, this is all fun and games until your pants don't fit anymore."
"Yeah," Emily said with shrug, "but just think for a second." Her friend smiled as she reached for her coffee. "All the crap aside, Josh, your families, your job, would having a baby make you happy?"
Gina was quiet for a moment. She looked down at her stomach unable to resist the urge to bring her hand to it. Something internal just needing to hold the life growing inside her. Having a baby was probably the most terrifying thing she could think of. And yet, she already couldn't picture her life without this baby in her arms. She wouldn't tell a soul, but she already had a notebook she was writing names in. And yes, occasionally when she allowed herself to just sit down and take it all in. A smile would tug at her lips when she thought of a little mini, blue-eyed Josh running around the loft with a toy car. Cause yeah, she wanted a little boy. A little sweet prince of her own.
Looking over at Emily who was smiling with a knowing expression she let out a sigh, "Pregnancy is the happiest reason ever for feeling like crap." Then she pushed her plate away unable to take the sight of her sunny side up eggs anymore.
Emily frowned as she looked at the discarded plate. "Morning sickness still?"
"You know, at this point it's really just a sickness," Gina reasoned reaching for her glass of water. Last night Josh had made her a roasted lemon pepper chicken and damn it, if she hadn't enjoyed it. Not only was the food decent but it was fun talking to him again. It was always easy to fall into that rhythm with him. The teasing and easy back and forth. Dare she even admit it but, she missed him.
Pushing that thought aside for a moment, she thought about what Emily said. "Having a baby is emotional, but what Josh wants to do is practical. Maybe I'm just crazy but I feel like the line between practical and emotional keeps blurring."
"Well, emotional stuff can be scary," Emily said with small nod.
Gina sat back in the booth, blinking out over the view of their breakfast table. Emotional stuff. It was scary. Opening herself up meant she'd be vulnerable. And being vulnerable made it easy to get hurt.
Hang on. This is Josh we're talking about. Josh would never hurt her. Josh was practical. Josh made pros and cons list for just about everything he did. He exceled in practical thinking. Hello, doctor! Plus, he understood her as no other guy did. When they were younger he use to always understand her offbeat pop culture references, and he use to sing along to the music she played in the delivery truck.
Even on nights when the boys would randomly include her on the movie selections, he would let her choose the movie more often than not. He would even discuss them with her until they were either arguing or laughing about it.
God she missed him.
Gina sat up straight, alarm tightening her muscles. No. Definitely not. She would not go there. Not with him. He was her friend. And all that emotional stuff... well that needed to be shoved down deep in a box and tossed in the back of the closet. She was supposed to be thinking about this baby, not romanticizing a one-way attraction.
"Right." Gina nodded her head as she looked back at Emily. "I am thinking about the baby. And if I'm going to have one I'd rather go it alone then do it with someone who doesn't want to."
"So, you're definitely keeping it then, we're doing this mom thing?"
She let the question hang in the murmurs and clinking dishes of the café. She felt the catch in her throat and was helpless to stop it, until it came out as a gasp. She wanted this baby. She actually wanted it. "Yes."
"Progress." Emily made a celebratory fist pump as she leaned back in the booth.
Gina couldn't help but laugh, "I have no idea what I'm doing. I can't afford to have a baby. I can barely feed myself on a routine."
"Isn't Josh going to help you?"
Gina brought a hand up to pull at her bun a little as she took a moment to think about her answer. "I'm not sure what he's doing."
"What do you mean?"
"Well, yesterday we sorta spent the day together," Gina shrugged her shoulders. "He talked about going back to New York today, packing up his apartment, buying us a house."
"That's ... he can do that?" Emily made a face as she leaned forward in her booth seat.
"He keeps asking me to marry him," Gina said picking up a packet of grape jelly and opening it.
Emily's mouth fell open as she watched Gina use her finger to scoop out the jelly and put it on her toast. "And are you going to marry him?"
"No. Are you kidding?" Gina took a small bite of her toast. "He talked about traveling and his job, and if he gets roped up into this he might not get to do all those things."
"What about you?" Emily countered, "Don't you have an opportunity to go to Tokyo with this lingerie contract in a few months." Emily shook her head, "Isn't your career picking up speed, why should you have to be held back and not him."
"Because I don't want him to resent me for it," Gina answered. "Here's the thing," she continued, "I don't want this child to have a parent because of some obligation. If I'm going to marry someone and do this mom and dad thing, then they have to be totally in or not at all."
Emily frowned, "What makes you think he's not totally in?"
"Because from the moment he heard 'I'm pregnant', he shut down and turned to Mr. Perfect." Gina shrugged her shoulders. "I don't want him making major decisions based on what I want. I never asked him to leave New York or to buy a house."
"So tell him that."
"I just feel like he's just trying to problem solve." Gina shook her head as she looked down at her half-eaten toast. She'd taken her vitamins this morning like she was supposed to. Even something the doctor prescribed for the morning sickness. So far she hadn't really had an appetite. "I can't just marry him because I'm pregnant."
"So then don't marry him because you're pregnant. Marry him because he's a doctor; no marry him because he's a surgeon who saves kids. He's like a bottle of perfect man and he's asking you to marry him."
"No," Gina corrected, "He's asking my stomach to marry him."
"Lucky for you, you're attached to it." Emily rolled her eyes as she put her fork down. "Seriously what could be so horrible about playing house with a gorgeous doctor?"
"It's Josh."
Emily shrugged, "Didn't he practically live with you guys growing up. What's the difference?"
Gina took a deep breath as she placed a hand on her stomach. "Sex. Sex is difference."
Josh lingered on the plane a little longer as he watched the other passengers file towards the exit. The entire flight back from Chicago was mind numbing. His head dropped back onto the headrest. Exhausted didn't seem to cover it.
Sure, his long absences from home were sometimes inconvenient, and there were times when he felt like he was playing catch-up with people's lives. But he had to leave, he would have been miserable if he stayed behind. The Costa family had always been there for him, had always been a family for him when he had none. Living next door to them had provided siblings when he needed them and parents when his own weren't able to be there for him.
But all that aside they weren't his family and he needed to stand on his own two feet. Moving to New York and taking the residency there had given him a whole new bunch of opportunities.
And of course, he was far away from Nick and Sheena. Sheena. He hadn't thought about Sheena since that night Gina confronted him. Even before that Sheena had been the least of his concerns, since that kiss. That kiss. The vision of her eyes looking back him was practically burned into his memory. How did he miss that over the years? The curls of her hair and the way they spiraled out of control just like her.
A flame of frustration flickered to life, refusing to be quenched. Damn he missed her. He missed everyone, missed being able to drop everything and catch up with a meal and a beer.
Last night he'd been in her tiny little loft apartment trying to figure out his next move, trying to get them past his lame marriage proposal and her getting all offended for some reason. He needed to get them out of this weird standoff they were in.
He'd been about to serve the chicken when he turned and saw Gina standing in the middle of her tiny living room, her attention lost by the distraction of clearing off the table she'd been using as laundry basket.
The sight hit him low and hard. She was barefoot and wide-eyed, looking sexily rumpled in nothing but short shorts and an old track shirt. She had a magnificent set of thighs. Thighs he wanted to wrap his hands around and feel. He wanted her, sober and present in the moment because this time he didn't want anything to slip his mind.
He wanted to taste her.
And those feelings had sucker punched him right out of his gym shoes. Never in a million years did he ever think he would be fantasizing about little Gina Costa. The littlest Costa that followed them around and use to ask annoying questions and make him play tea party until Nick finished his homework.
Nothing in life had prepared him for that.
Josh got up from his seat and began to exit the plane. His shoulders felt heavy his eyes arched. Sleep hadn't been easy these last two nights. He was going to be a father. They were going to have a baby. A certain amount of fear and pride mixed inside him as he made his way to the baggage claim. Just then his phone buzzed in his pocket and he reached for it as a text message flashing across his screen.
We need to talk.
She picked up on the second ring.
"You called," she sounded surprised.
"You said we needed to talk," Josh made a face as he watched for his bag on the turntable.
Gina let out a sigh on the line, "Josh I don't want you to do something you'll regret. Don't quit your job in New York me. I don't need a husband to have a baby."
"I won't be quitting my job, my residency is over. I need to find someplace else to work." He said spotting his bag and reaching for it. "So while I'm looking for a job, I'm going to make sure it's in Chicago because I want be there for the baby. And while I'm working in Chicago I want a house because I want to share the responsibility of taking care of our baby."
"Josh-"
"Gina," he cut her off as he made his way out of the airport. "I am coming back, I am going to ask you to marry me again and if you say no, then I'll move into your apartment building. Either way I'm going to be around so get use to the idea."
"So bossy," she said with tone.
"So stubborn," Josh replied as he flagged down a taxi. "Have you eaten?"
"No I haven't eaten, do you have any idea what it's like to not drink any alcohol and still get a hangover every morning?"
"Your hormones are making you moody."
"Just because I'm moody and hormonal doesn't mean you're not irritating."
Josh laughed as he got into the taxi, "I still love you." he said before pulling the phone away and muttering the address to the driver. When he brought the phone to his ear he let out a sigh as they sat in an awkward silence.
"I mean it when it I say it," he said quietly. "I've known you all my life. How can I not care about you?"
"Things are different now," she murmured.
"Yes they are," he said looking out the window of the taxi. "But your still my family, in fact your more my family now than you've ever been. We can handle this Gigi, I wish you wouldn't think otherwise because the truth is. The more time that passes, the more excited I am about the prospect of our life together."
"You say that now, but you realize it's me you're going to be stuck with right?"
"I wouldn't have it any other way." Josh smiled as he leaned back in his seat. "Now eat something. Try crackers. Just eat something so you don't pass out."
"Yes doctor," she said playfully.
Josh smirked, "Good night Gina."
"Night."
Three weeks passed since that phone call, Gina walked down the street towards her family's restaurant; she was both physically and emotionally drained. This morning after attempting to eat an orange she had to run to the bathroom to throw up the contents of her stomach and then some. The morning sickness was endless; she'd even thrown up in the shower. She just hoped that tonight's dinner was short because more than anything she just wanted to get some sleep.
The reality that Josh was gone had finally sunk in, he been gone for three weeks now and she hadn't really heard from him. She didn't want to call him, and truthfully she didn't want him 30, 50, even 80 percent of the time. She wanted him and need his 100 percent commitment. But she also knew she couldn't ask that of him.
She knew she was losing weight, as her clothes were hanging on her a bit more than she was use too. She hadn't worried much about it, because everything she read online so far had shown that morning sickness was a normal part of the first trimester.
With a sigh she used her keys to unlock the side door that led upstairs to her parents two flat apartment above the restaurant. Her eyes swooped up at the stairway and she let out groan. "Please God, just let me make it to the top."
She started on her climb and was breathing heavy by the time she reached the top landing. Taking a few minutes to gain her composure she let out low moan of pain. What the hell was happening to her? She had always been told that woman would glow with the gleams of pregnancy. This was not a fucking glow, this was punishment.
Just as she got herself together the door flew open and Sheena paused in the door way, "Gigi?"
"Hey," Gina smiled as best she could. "How was the honeymoon?"
"Great," Sheena gave Gina a concerned once over, "Are you okay?"
"I'm wonderful," Gina lied. "Honestly I feel like superhero." A really tired, weak superhero who wants to eat all the time and isn't allowed to lift heavy objects. "Where's Nick?"
"Inside," Sheena moved aside, "Come in I was just going to run out and get my bag from the car, I wanted to show everyone our photos."
"Alright," Gina nodded, "I'll just go say hi to Ma and Pops."
Walking past Sheena, Gina entered the apartment and was instantly hit with smell of Spicy Shrimp Pasta in her mother famous garlic tomato cream sauce. Her entire body retracted inside and she brought a hand to mouth before the vomit could make its way out.
"Gigii's here!" Tony shouted as he walked past her and gave her a heavy pat on the back, "Ma and Pops have news for you."
Gina made a face as she swallowed and attempted to stand up straight. "Now what," she mumbled as she began making her way to the kitchen.
Her nephews were running around as usual and Louie, Ricky and Eddie were playing cards at the dining room table. She did her best to say hi to everyone as she walked through the house. When she came to the kitchen she saw Rachel and Nick, who were dicing up onions and green peppers.
"Hey," Gina said meekly. The closer she got to the food the more her stomach heaved.
"There she is," her mother came towards her with open arms, in an instant she was smothered in channel and shrimp making her almost vomit into her mother's hair. "We want you to meet someone."
Gina barely had any time to regain her composer when her father came in from the back porch with a dark-skinned stranger in tow. "There she is," he motioned to the man behind him. "She beautiful isn't she?"
"I'm sorry what's going on?" Gina turned towards Rachel for help.
Her mother however was quick to answer her question, "This is Charles," she explained as if she should have already known the stranger in their kitchen. "He's been working in the restaurant for some time, and he's single."
"So naturally I have to meet him," Gina said while inwardly screaming and doing her best to smile politely.
"She's a funny one," her father let out a chuckle, "I told you she was funny."
"Yes sir," Charles said with small smile. "Hi," he offered his hand to Gina and she took it.
"So did you win them over with cow or did you offer up a chicken for my dowry?"
Nick snickered and Rachel turned around as she leaned onto whisper something in his ear.
"Charles is a nice young man," her mother said in a warning tone. "I invited him over for dinner because he's hungry and we have enough to go around."
Gina bit her bottom lip as she glared at her brother, so much for sibling unity. No one texted or called to at least give her the heads up about her parents attempt to set her up. Gina let out a sigh, this was ridiculous. Here she was pregnant and practically engaged. Leave it up to her parents to try and set her up.
She stilled. Was she practically engaged?
Was she going to say yes? When had she decided to say yes? She didn't need or want a man to make her and this baby whole. She was independent. They would be independent. She liked her life just fine and didn't need anyone to step in and tell her how to live and what to do. Josh was just another guy, like so many other men she'd been around her whole life.
Many women liked strong, alpha males who thought the world should bow to them. She didn't. She had always been turned off by the he-man-type males she had grown up with. So why was she continually having to remind herself that she didn't want him.
Liar. You want excitement. You've been fighting with alpha males since the day you could walk. You thrive on disobeying, talking back and being independent. Now you see this man, this dominating, gorgeous man, and you want him to take control.
Gina stood there in the kitchen feeling paralyzed as she fought an internal battle with herself. When had that happened? When did she start wanting her brother's best friend as lover? This man who tormented her high school days alongside her brothers by getting involved in her personal affairs even when she told him not too.
Like with George Whelchel, she knew he threaten George, she had known it all these years that he was responsible for cleaning up after a few of her messes. But they just never spoke about it. He was always just another annoying brother.
She sunk back into the memory of that morning. When she had woken up next to Josh and felt at peace. Felt like something had finally clicked into place and she let herself melt into his warm body beside her. Into that emotional suicide dive, she did to her heart before his cell phone had buzzed and he moved away from her.
Her took a shaky breath as she shifted a few steps over so she could lean on the wall.
"Gigi are you alright?" Her mother's features shifted as she followed Gina wavering stance.
"I'm fine." Gina pushed herself from the wall, "I just need some air."
Rachel came forward and took her arm, "Come one let's go out onto the porch. It's really stuffy in here."
Rachel lead Gina out of the kitchen past Charles and her father and out on to the porch where they were instantly consumed with silence. Her phone started to ring and she looked down to see Josh's name flash across the screen.
"Oh, I so do not want to talk to you right now," she muttered as she slid the phone to silent.
"Avoiding a call from the boyfriend?"
Gina looked up at Rachel who was smiling back at her. Glancing back at her phone she nodded, unwilling to explain further. "No, just ... a guy."
"Really?" Rachel's wide eyes met hers. "A real-life guy? Oh my god, where's my phone? I want to take a picture of this moment."
Despite her mood, Gina smiled. "You make me sound like a nun."
"I was beginning to think you were, hun." She sighed as she leaned on the porch beam. "You know your family is only trying to do right by you. They worry."
"They shouldn't," Gina countered as she took a deep breath.
"Well," Rachel said with a wince, "The city is a big place and your living in a tiny loft all by yourself. I mean don't get me wrong I admire you. I envy you and that little scooter you ride around in."
"It's just a vespa," Gina smirked. "I could teach you how to ride it."
"Maybe one day," Rachel smiled, "my point is your independent, but you come from a big traditional family. They only know one way for a woman to be and you're breaking the mold darling."
Gina couldn't help but laugh, "Trust me, I shattered the mold."
A big group of cheers and howls could be heard from inside and they both looked at each other with puzzled faces.
"Now what?" Rachel said before Gina could.
They both made their way inside to find everyone gathered in the kitchen crowded in the tiny space. Gina's stomach lurched the moment she saw Josh in the crowd. He was here. Her insides just about melted on the spot at the sight of him and it took all her strength to stay planted right where she was. In reality she wanted push her way through that crowd and jump right into those arms.
But she couldn't do that, no one knew about them. No one knew she was pregnant. No one knew she'd just made a life altering decision to marry Joshua Sanchez. No one knew anything. And inside her along with nausea and emotional roller coaster she was on, a new ripple of fear spread through her.
Now they were going to have to tell people.
Shit.