Read This And You'll See

 I've basically spent the past 5 chapters laying out this big lengthy psychological narrative in regards to one shitty year of my high skoll experience. Now, I get to the really really hard part. I get to learn from my failures, and oh boy little did I know that this would be one hell of a journey. It's pretty damn easy to make mistakes and to continue to go about your Life, but to actually press the pause button and critically analyze why or how you made that mistake and how to avoid future similarities is a pain in the ass. I believe the real struggle lies within accepting the fact that you made a mistake. No one likes to be wrong, and people really don't like to acknowledge that they were wrong. It all comes down to taking responsibility for your actions, and on top of that it's about accepting the consequences.

I mentioned previously how I was legally obligated to go to therapy by the state. I really didn't want to go to therapy, mostly because I didn't want to admit I had a problem. I was just a kid whose romantic emotions went out of control and was an egotistical, uber competitive, pain in the ass high skooler. At the moment, I didn't see how I could be extremely different from other students. I believe everyone possesses the same emotions that I did, but the only difference was that I chose to vocalize and put those emotions at the forefront of my presence. Regardless, I had to go to therapy and deal with something.

I got recommended this woman as my therapist. She used to be one of the counselors at La Salle a few years back, so she understood the ropes of the skool and actually possessed a perspective that could be applicable to my situation. We'll call her Toriel. Yes, this is an Undertale reference, get over it. For those of you who don't know Toriel, just imagine a very caring and understanding person. Anyway, I got a one-way ticket to therapy and boy was I sure excited (see it's funny because sarcasm). I didn't really know what to expect from therapy, since I'd never been. I knew a few students who went to therapy at skool, but they never really talked about it, and rightfully so.

One day after skool, I rolled up to this sketch looking building. Also, my mom and dad had to show up to the first session, supposedly just for the first 5-10 minutes, but I already knew they wouldn't be satisfied with that short allotment of time. Anyway, we all go into this really small building, walk up a flight of stairs, and find ourselves in some weird makeshift apartment. They had decorated a room with a bunch of vines and nature shit, and there was a weird running water device that was there to add to this aromatherapy vibe. When I saw all this, I was like "Oh fuck please don't make me do a bunch of stupid meditation." Eventually we were greeted by Toriel, who seemed nice enough. She was this middle aged white woman who had children, but most of them were all grown up and had already married others and had begun to walk their own path, so it was clear she had her fair share of interactions with children. She escorted us into this room that reminded me of the nursery our Church. I could tell she had clients of all ages by the family friendly atmosphere.

She sat in a chair, and me and my parents sat on a couch. I was pretty nervous since I didn't know what to expect. I didn't have a way to gauge what would happen in this session and in future ones. It was pretty quiet at first. No one said anything, and I wasn't sure if I needed to say anything yet or if I was doing something wrong. Eventually, Toriel said "Okay, so tell me what seems to be the problem." I was like "Nani?! You're just going to be that direct! Weren't you given a case file or something that informed you of my situation?" I once again found myself caught off guard, and I didn't know how to respond. I didn't say anything, and my mom gave me a sinister look that infused fear into my soul. I still didn't say anything, so eventually she just started to talk and explained the whole scenario to the best of her knowledge. I continued to sit there in silence without making eye contact with anyone. I felt like I was getting a lecture in the Principal's office rather than actually getting my help.