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RYAN'S POV
I didn't know what I wanted, I didn't know what I was doing, I didn't know who I was, but I knew that I missed him as if I had been without oxygen for too long.

I couldn't understand these feelings, those sudden emotions that took me suddenly as soon as my eyes met his, when I brushed his fingers with mine, when his smile was the cause of mine or when his sweet laugh filled the room and my heart of love.

I didn't know how to give meaning to all this. We were 19, we were kids, we had no idea what we were doing, because when you are 19, every day is an experience. You wake up in the morning with the intention of going to class, but we write what happens next second by second.

There were so many things I didn't know, but I knew I felt like the need to have him by my side, to be able to lose myself in the blue of his eyes, to be able to stay in a room illuminated by his smile, to be able to hug him, to be able to find a way to have physical contact with him.

And this is the reason why I found myself on a plane on the evening of December 21st... There were two days left and he would be coming to London to his family for the Christmas holidays, but inside I felt I could not wait 48 hours. I can't even really explain why.

I took the first plane that would take me to Montreal, and then somehow make my way to McGill University.

Entering this university has always been his dream. He knew that going this far for a considerable period of time would physically separate us, but he promised me that we would talk to each other over the phone, video calls and texts. At first he kept his promise; we once ordered sushi and ate it from a distance, talking about everything and nothing. It was the best night I've had since he left, a year ago now.

The plane landed at half past five in the morning, I had no idea where I should go next. The only thing I had was my dead cell phone and the name of the university. I asked several people, I got lost twice, only to find that the airport and the university are only 15 minutes away from each other.

I arrived at the door of his dormitory, again after asking about ten people. It was 15 minutes until seven in the morning and I deduced that his alarm sound shouldn't be far away.

I knocked on his door, hoping someone would open it for me.

"Who are you?" a tall boy asked me, much taller than me, judging by his appearance he looked like a basketball player and the way his part of the room was furnished only confirmed it. "It's not even seven in the morning"

"I know, I'm sorry. I'm Andy's best friend "

"He's sleeping"

"I know, can I wait inside?"

"Sure, don't make noise, I'll go back to sleep"

"Okay, thank you very much" I entered the room, taking off my jacket and leaving it on the floor.

I sat on the floor next to his bed. I watched him sleep for twenty minutes, the alarm clock was obviously set for after seven. Every single feature of his face was the same as the last time I saw him. His blond hair fell slightly in front of his forehead, his eyes closed, his mouth half open, his hands gripping the blanket. He was curled up next to a second pillow as if it were someone to hug.

Every now and then my eyes would move to his room, focusing on every little detail. On the wall was the map with the whole world that his parents gave him for his 16th birthday, on the desk was the globe that I gave him for the same occasion, some school books and the rest were on a shelf above his desk, along with other reading books, including the book "Love, Simon" which I gave him before he left. He had wanted this book for a long time, but he had never bought it for inexplicable reasons, we saw the film together and he wanted to read the book, because the books always have something different than the film and so, before leaving, I gave it to him, so that he could entertain himself with something during the hours of travel, or whenever he wanted to spend time to relax.