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ANDY'S POV
I had no idea how that idea came to me. A bad idea, of course.

I was on the bed in my room and the loneliness was so overwhelming that it almost hurt to breathe so I took my cell phone and went to the first online site where I could talk to other people. Many wanted nothing more than sex, almost everyone. I found a person, however, who immediately specified that he did not want anything else but to talk and so we did. We started talking about ourselves, both with the desire to know each other and then we got to talk about everything and nothing. For the first time in many years, I didn't feel alone and it was really good. He also made me smile, this guy made me smile and when I told him that no one could do it for years he sent an "aww" that made my heart beat even more.

Leaving the online site would have meant letting go forever, if fate would have wanted we would have met again, but I didn't believe in destiny. I asked him for his number.

Since that day, millions of messages have been exchanged between us, if not more, and all this in just five months.

We both went to school, a simple high school in London, but we never met by chance.

I thought about this a lot. The two of us could have met by pure chance a hundred times, but we couldn't know because he had never seen a picture of me and I a picture of him. From the descriptions he was beautiful both outside and inside. From what he told me I had understood many things and it was as if I had always known him.

According to him, I too was very beautiful, every time he said that he could imagine my dimples every time I smiled and my heart melted from love.

Then he told me about his girlfriend and in that moment the world collapsed on me.

Being gay, I have almost always given importance to sexual orientation, but not in a negative sense, I was simply aware of being a human being and consequently also of the fact that people fall in love and I never wanted to fall in love with a straight guy for then suffer. It was a question of survival, if it could be called that.

In his case, however, it was as if I forgot everything and even I didn't know why. It just happened.

When you talk to a person face to face, you can read the emotions of the other on your face, you can also understand what they think, if you are very good. All this, however, is not possible through screen and messages.

When he talked about Arya, his girlfriend, he seemed happy and I had to be happy for him, I wanted to be, but I couldn't. So I suffered slowly, clinging to the only source of happiness that grew inside me, born of abuse, but it was still my little source of happiness.

In the morning he went for a run and then he woke up earlier than me and I woke up shortly after because I had to clean the whole house I shared with five other guys, they paid me and it was more money that I really needed.

Every morning he would give the "good morning", it was the first thing he did. The alarm clock was at six in the morning every morning and a minute later I would receive his good morning and send it too soon after. They were little things that if put together had an enormous importance to me and I really hoped it was the same for him too.

As soon as I finished math class I took my cell phone, checking if there was a message from him, nothing. I took the books and notebooks from the desk and left the classroom to head to the lockers. The school material, being in the last year, included many books, some very heavy, by subject and it was becoming difficult to carry them all. Sometimes I felt so stupid when I ended up in the bathroom crying tears that were directed at too much weight of the books. People took me for crazy and I couldn't blame them. The point is that once again it was about the little things that together made me realize how lonely I was.