Memoirs of a Broken Guitar String (A Mafuyu x Uenoyama Fanfic)

**Trigger Warning: Contains brief mention of suicide**
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Uenoyama's POV

Like a scratched disc that plays on repeat, everything sounded distorted in that moment. In an instant, it was like time stood still when a classmate shared that Mafuyu's childhood friend, Yuki, killed himself last year and there were rumors that they were dating. Immediately, my mind jumped to that night when Mafuyu ran away when that guy asked if it was Yuki's guitar he was carrying. What the hell does this mean?! There was this twisted feeling in my gut; like someone sucker punched me in the stomach, but I didn't know why I felt that way.

I tried to continue my day like it wasn't derailed by this unsettling news. I really wanted to ask Mafuyu about it when I saw him, but didn't muster up the courage. In the end, I didn't tell anyone about what I'd heard. By not repeating it to anyone, I was hoping that this twisted feeling would go away, but it only got worse. The same questions kept nagging at me: Who was Yuki to Mafuyu? Why does Mafuyu have his guitar? Are the rumors true that they were dating? Why does it bother me so much?!

I couldn't get these thoughts out of my head so I'm pretty sure it looks like I've been spacing out lately. Kaji-san stopped by to play the track he edited and suggested that Mafuyu should be the one to write the lyrics to my melody. I was actually thinking the same thing, so next band practice I asked Mafuyu if he would write the lyrics.

He immediately said he couldn't do it, but I felt very strongly that he should try expressing his feelings with actual words, especially if those rumors were true. I grabbed his face in both of my hands, looked him in the eye and told him that I wanted to play along with his lyrics and that seemed to resonate with him. There was a look of genuine surprise that shone in his eyes. It made me feel sort of warm inside when he was staring back at me for some reason.

I still didn't know if the rumors were true but if they were, it would explain his reaction that one night when he ran into his old friend who was surprised to see him with a guitar...Yuki's guitar presumably. He looked so uncomfortable and even fearful, like it was too hard and painful to confront his past. My chest felt tight at this realization, but I still didn't understand why. What is going on with me?

Pondering what all these feelings meant, I forgot to consider that Mafuyu might be at my usual napping spot and of course he was there. Ugh, I didn't fully think this through. I didn't want to be alone with him until I sorted out how to feel about him. I faced away from him and pretended to nap, hoping for once he actually wouldn't say anything. Turns out, I wasn't prepared for what he was about to say.

Mafuyu spoke first, asking if he could tell me something while I napped. I can still hear his words ringing in my ears, sounding distorted from the unsettling knowledge that I kept to myself.

"About the lyrics, I'll try my best," he said. "You see...I had someone I really, truly loved. I still don't know the right words, but I realized that there is something I want to say."

Then he started humming his song as he thought I napped.

I didn't respond as I felt like my heart was suddenly caught in my throat. Someone he loved? I finally realized the name of the feeling I'd been experiencing all along: jealousy. I was definitely jealous of this Yuki. Hold on...if I'm jealous, then that means I like Mafuyu as more than a friend, right? Wait, uhh...how am I supposed to approach him now?

My mind was spinning as Mafuyu basically confirmed that the rumors were true with what he told me. All my thoughts revolving around him were now warped and distorted as I gained a piece of the puzzle. Mafuyu really loved Yuki. He has something he wants to say through his lyrics...and now I'm actually jealous. Crap.

Well, this definitely complicates things.