Affixed |Kylo Ren x Reader|

A/N--since the chapters were released so close to one another, make sure you've read the previous one!!

| Years Later... |

Kylo Ren gazes out over the shimmering blue water of the lake. He takes a deep breath, broad chest expanding as he allows the fresh air to seep into his lungs. Warmth shines on his cheeks as the cool breeze ripples through his hair. The emerald green leaves rustle atop the thick trees that line the patio, filling the air with their harmony of soft brushing and scratching. A symphony is created; a melodious concord between the birds chirping and the lake gently lapping against the shore.

Moving here must have been the best decision he had ever made.

Naboo had given him something that he could never have dreamed of. Peace. He felt calm and steady. Less often compelled to let out his rage when something didn't go his way. It must have been a miracle; he even looked healthier. Skin less gaunt with just the slightest hint of a tan from being out in the sun more often. Years of being cooped up on Star Destroyers had denied him that privilege. The scar trailing across his face was thinner, less visible from far away. Stars, he had even grown facial hair to neatly frame his top lip and chin.

Kylo shifts his weight, the smallest of smiles tugging at his full lips. This place truly had allowed him to move on. To properly mourn and grieve and prosper. The pains of the past were left just where they were meant to be. Forgotten.

And yet... Kylo had days during which he felt as though the weight returned. When his mind got ahead of him and decided to take him back to everything he had lost. Everyone he had lost. It pained him to think in such a way, but there was no use in trying to stop it. The thoughts would always return to him. Leave him panting and sweaty in the middle of the night.

Shards of the past were beginning to come together again, allowing parts of him to heal while others only further decayed. He had been in brief contact with his mother for a short while. An uncomfortable conversation that ended with them both fighting back tears. As much as he had accepted the possibility of getting to see her in person again, that was likely never going to happen. His mother still had connections and if those connections ever discovered that he was still alive, then he could expect the bounty hunters to start coming for him.

With his time of healing, Kylo found that many painful memories he had suppressed were returning to him. He suddenly recalled bits and pieces of the childhood he had tried so hard to forget. The time his father had to save him from a malfunctioning droid. At the Temple when he nearly impaled himself and you were at his side for the entirety of it. They seemed painful then, but all he could do now was laugh quietly.

Until, of course, he could no longer laugh. The nightmares were the worst. All of the most devastating moments of his life liked to come together to torture him. Flashes of pure agony; both physical and emotional. It was as though he could see the darkest, most terrifying corners of the universe. And he couldn't stop them. He couldn't stop the nightmares or the pain.

Now he was forced to live with constant reminders of his failures every day. Whenever he felt alone and shut-out, the mental aspects got worse. He would look at himself and see a monster. A complete and utter failure who couldn't even save the one person he cared for most. Kylo would look at the scars and the marks and the imperfections. He would study the healing wounds he had received from that fateful day on Exegol. The greatest reminder of his failure came in the form of a slight limp in his leg; evidence of the bones and ligaments that had never truly healed.