MADISONS POV:
I woke up, drowsy and tired, the same way I had been the night before, and felt defeated by my horrible night of sleep, tossing and turning, getting up to go to the bathroom, which turned into me staring at her while she slept and wanting to be right there next to her, and barely sleeping a wink.
Nothing felt quite real, like a dream. It felt too painful to be real so my brain almost refused to believe that this was the new reality I would have to live with. I knew we were done but my brain didn't understand that we were done and I felt like I needed to go in search for some type of closure. Like I needed to visit a grave that was made for our relationship and see a headstone marked with the words "something that could've been." The world around me seemed to have this grey hue and I couldn't see straight, like everything was blurry.
I knew I was gonna have to get out of bed and see her face so I decided to get it over with instead of waiting around for it to happen by itself which is easier said than done. Just think about pushing myself out of this bed and having to put on clothes just to get slapped in the face by the image of her felt like I was being asked to carry a semi truck across the country.
I put on some leggings and tried not to think about her but how could I not? We live in the same house together for Christ's sake. Trying not to think about her would be like trying not to think about my arms.
I sat down on the bed with my pants only half way up my legs. I just sat there thinking for a sec, I felt so utterly defeated and I was just about ready to give up on everything, just decide to go back to bed and never get up no matter what happens, at least that way I couldn't get hurt. If I don't talk to anyone I can't hear the words that will hurt me.
I was somehow able to get myself back up and put my pants fully on, like a miracle. I sighed as I tried to prepare myself for the terrible feelings about to come but I don't think anything can prepare for it, to be honest.
I felt weak, not just physically but mentally and emotionally as well. It's just so much. All the millions of things that make it so that I feel like nothing is possible without her but knowing I can't have her.
I put on a random shirt without looking at it, because it felt like nothing really mattered anymore since the one thing I had actually ever loved in my entire life was gone, and headed for the kitchen. I couldn't make out a lot of things in my mind from last night, because it was all so hard to believe, but I did know one thing, I needed her. I needed her so bad. She was such a kind person but she hurt me but I still love her.
I don't want to think about it.
I walked down stairs, looking down and feeling dreadful the whole way, and saw Zoe open the front door with a handful of groceries. I couldn't breathe for a moment. Everything stopped and I just watched her as she stared at me.
Four eyes, two blank expressions, and one secret.
****
ZOES POV:
I opened the door and saw her coming down the stairs, looking so incredibly sad but gorgeous of course. Her beauty emitted a gracefulness but her sadness caused everything to go dark.
Our eyes met for only a moment and then she walked away and into the kitchen where I was unfortunately heading as well meaning we would have to meet yet again.
The second I saw her I was filled with that gross feeling of guilt again, it was the stomach turning type that kinda made you want to throw up, and it made me stop for a moment and watch her as she walked away from me. Just standing there stuck with that feeling as I figured out how to ignore it.
I walked into the kitchen after her and watched Madison as she searched the fridge.
"Cordelia, I got the groceries." I called with my eyes still glued to Madison.
