Devotion

Madison's POV

"But you didn't kill him?" I ask

"No. Alex's dad said he died by drowning not by me beating him." Zach says as Justin, Monty, Jeff, Zach, and I sit in my jeep

"But Alex killed him? And Jess was there?" I ask

"Yeah." Zach says

"And Jamie Garrison...he was stabbed to death in lockup this morning." Monty tells Jeff and I

"Ani is going to the police station to tell a story that points to Jamie being the one who killed Bryce and Charlie planted the tape that had Bryce's blood on it in Jamie's locker." Justin says

*20 Minutes Later*

Charlie, Jeff, Justin, Zach, Jess, and I sit at a round table in the library as we wait on Clay and Alex before the door opens and Clay steps inside with Alex close behind him

Jess stands up and hurries over to him before engulfing him in a warm hug

*1 Hour Later*

I sit in Jeff's lap on the couch at Justin and Clay's as we all wait on Ani

"It's fucked up about Jamie. How did Ani know?" Alex asks

"Well, Tim Pozzi was in the County lock-up when it happened. And he ended up getting out that morning, so he told Luke, who told Charlie, Charlie told Monty, Monty to Justin, Justin to Ani." Zach explains

"Poor Jamie. I mean, I can't believe I'm saying that, but..." Alex says trailing of

"I'm sorry I couldn't tell you." Alex says to Zach

"I think...we should be the kind of friends who can tell each other anything. I mean, maybe not about the hard-ons and the masturbation so much, but..." Zach says trailing off before I hear the door open and I see Ani and Tony walk into the outhouse

*10 Minutes Later*

"So, whatta we do now?" Tony asks as I stand between Jeff and Charlie leaning against the back of the couch

"We wait. We hope." Ani says as I lay my head on Charlie's shoulder

"It's kinda too bad that you don't have the tape. I-- I mean, for last words and all that." Zach says

"We made a copy." Jess says as she stands up from Justin's bed and she walks over to her bag and pulls out a tape

"Look, I didn't mean-- We don't have to--" Zach starts

"No. I think you guys should hear it." Jess says cutting him off

"My dad put in a tape deck. I think he thought it was funny." Clay says as Jess hands him the tape before he walks over to the tape deck

He puts the tape in and presses play

"Hey, Jess. It's me. Yeah, I know. A tape. Yes, I did it on purpose. Not to be a dick, but...because the day I listened to those tapes, my life changed. And I bet the same is true for you. And for Justin, and Maddy, and Zach, everyone. And I wanted to give you this. I thought you'd hear me better if I wasn't standing in front of you. You said I had no idea what I'd done to you. You were right. I can't stop thinking about you. Um...replaying that night in my mind. I raped you. I heard you say no, and...I did it anyway. Because I wanted to, and I didn't care how you felt. Justin tried to stop me. I wish I could tell you that there was a--a tiny voice in my head telling me that what I was doing to you was wrong. There wasn't. I never had one of those before. That's not an excuse, it just... is. I raped Hannah Baker. I raped... seven or eight other girls. Some of them were my girlfriends at the time. I won't name them, but if they choose to tell you, believe them. I'm broken. I know that. I'm a person in a thousand pieces. But I'm seeing a counselor. It's a long, hard process, but...little by little, you start picking up the pieces. And you realize that what you're making is a mirror. And the more pieces you put together, the more you see yourself. I'd like to say that I'm not the same person who raped you...anymore, Jess. But what I've come to realize is that I'll always be him. But I'm trying to be better. To be someone worth something in this world. I have this dream that I could be someone who protects people somehow. Protects them from people like me, like who I was. I don't know. I am so...fucking sorry for what I did to you. And I know words add up to nothing compared to what I took from you. Someone once told me that it'll take me a lifetime to learn what sorry is. They're right. But I'm starting. If you've listened this far, thank you. It's more than I deserve. I wouldn't blame you if you smashed this tape to fucking pieces. I would. I wish you the best, Jess. Truly. Goodbye." Bryce's voice booms through the speakers