All A Lie

H-"Mommy, where are we going?"

B-"We're going to go stay in a hotel!" (sniffles slightly)

H-"Is Daddy coming?"

B-(sighs)"No baby, he's not"

H-"But I miss him"

B-(tears)"Me too"

I grabbed her hand and we walked down the ally to get to town.

Since I didn't have a car and I only had a certain amount of arms, I couldn't pack up all of our stuff. So I only packed Harper and I's backpacks, my purse, and a duffel bag. I had Harper carry her little butterfly backpack because I was carrying my backpack, the duffel bag, and my purse. I had found the money in the bottom of my dresser drawer that I was putting away each month. I would take out 100 to 150 dollars each month from what I would make and I would put it under my clothes in my dresser. Lucky, I had enough money to get us a hotel room for a couple of nights.

B-"Are you hungry love?"

She nodded in response and I took her hand then led her behind a few more buildings before we finally made it to Pops. We walked inside and got seated at a booth.

H-"Mommy can I get a milkshake?"

B-"Sure"

P-"What can I get you?"

B-"Can I have a kids cheeseburger and fries meal, a regular cheeseburger and fries meal, and 2 strawberry milkshakes, please"

P-"Of course, coming right up" (smiles)

B-(smiles)"Thank you"

A couple of minutes went by, Harper was coloring on her placemat when Pop brought our food over, yet as soon as the smell hit my nose I ran to the bathroom and threw up.

I couldn't stop, and I sobbed. I couldn't keep it together anymore. I ruined my life, Harper's life, and the baby that grew inside of me's life. And I hurt the man that I love. I screwed everything up, just because I was trying to protect Harper, I pushed all of my feels down and didn't see what was right in front of me. He loved me, I loved him, we were a family, and he would have protected Harper and I with his life. Deep down I knew that I wasn't protecting Harper, I was protecting myself. And I was so damn selfish for that, I regret it more then anyone could ever imagine. The guilt that fills me everyday makes me sick...well that and the morning sickness. Oh god, the morning sickness, I'm pregnant. Why was this all now just hitting me, I'm pregnant, with Jughead's baby...and he doesn't even know. And he always wanted kids.

-Flashback-

J-"Hey, have you ever thought about having more kids?"

I turned over to face him as he combed a string of hair behind my ear.

B-(smiles)"You want kids?"

J-"Well...yeah. I want Harper to have brothers and sisters, and I want them with you, only you. Because I love you"

B-"I love you too"

He leaned in and locked our lips before pulling away a short while after.

J-"But only if you want more kids, because I know with your history-"

My body tensed up and my breathing started to get heavy. Jug noticed, he pulled me to his chest and kissed my head.

B-"I want more kids too, b-but I don't know if I'm ready right now. I'm sorry"

J-"Baby, don't apologize. We can have kids whenever you want, we won't have them until you're ready...nothing until you're ready, okay?"

B-(nods)"Okay. I love you"

J-"I love you too"

He pulled me into another soft kiss and held me in his arms.

-End of flashback-

At the time, I didn't know why I agreed to having kids with him. But now I knew that I have always been in love with him, and when he asked...I saw a future with him. And I would do anything to be back in his arms, talking about our future while Harper is playing beside us, but I'll never have that with him ever again. It hurts, it hurts so fucking bad, but I can't do this anymore. I can't sit in a bathroom crying, while my daughter is out there coloring in a booth. So I got up and washed my hands then walked out and back to the booth.

H-"Hi mommy!"

B-"Hi baby"

H-"Look! I drew you, Daddy, and me!"

B-"Wow! It's very pretty!" (giggles)

H-"Thank you"

I stared at my beautiful daughter while she colored the family portrait she had drawn. She really was a beautiful little girl, and she had so much intelligence.

I had to make this work, for her, and for the little one that grew inside of me.