Entropy (Tech x oc)

"You have nothing to apologize for. That is ridiculous." Tech commented, putting the Medkit away. I watched his slender, gloved fingers as they went about their everyday tasks. I looked back up to his eyes, and that's when I realized he wasn't injured. Not at all, just a few scratches.

"You're not..."

"I'm not injured." He confirmed, smiling at me softly. I could tell he was relieved I was out of my little fit. And I was too.

Running my hands through my hair, I couldn't help but feel a little disappointed in myself. How could I be so weak, I am a Jedi... or was. Im a force wielder, I... I don't know how I could...

"Theo!"

I look at my trembling hands, then to Techs face. He looked so worried, if warmed my heart. A small grin tugged at my lips.

"Can we talk about astrophysics?"

He looked at me

"Astrophysics, of course."

___

Opening my eyes, I'm greeted with darkness. There is nothing around me that I can make out; just splotchy patches of darkness and slightly lighter and or darker silhouettes of furniture. Getting up carefully, I slip out of the room, extremely wary of the Bad Batch members doggy-piled on the floor.

I walk out into the main area, tying my short hair up into a low-messy bun. I brew myself a cup of Cafe, leaning into the countertop and tapping my fingers off the top of the steel surface. I allow my thoughts to wander; PTSD.

There's no way I have that. I just had... flash backs, right?

I feel myself tremble slightly as I recall the memories of Tech and Me burning alive... they are so painful. I remember the feeling of my flesh being torn apart by the blaze, the sound of Techs cries, the feeling my throat being sore from my screams, and the smell and taste of ash.

But it was all fake, I realize that when the Cafe machine dinged. It didn't happen; if wasn't real.

But it felt real.

It felt so so real.

Just like that incident was real.

I inhale shakily, letting off a deep sigh. I allow my shoulders to loosen up, and quickly steal the hot Cafe mug from the Cafe machine and sip the bitter liquid. I never was a fan of it black, I would always dump 15 gallons of sugar or creamer into it, sometimes even add fruits. Anything to get rid of the bitter taste. But right now, I wanted it. A distraction. Maybe the bitterness would bring me back to earth and ground me here.

Sipping it quietly, I walk over to the table, find a rubiks sphere Tech was trying to solve earlier. I giggle a little as I remember him struggling — the focused expression he had on his face as he fiddled with it was adorable, let alone the frustrated grunts that no one except me noticed.

Unlike Tech, I was able to solve it in a few tries as I sipped my bitter brown junk, making faces everytime I did. It was a nice brain refresher, a simple puzzle to help me get more in touch with my dissociated brain. But I heard a gasp from the doorframe, causing me to jump and spill a bit of Cafe in the table

"You solved it so quickly?!"

Turning my head, I notice it to be Tech, and quickly sigh. Standing up to grab some towels, I was quick to clean up my mess, watching as the deep-dark liquid slowly spreads throughout the paper towel.

"Hello, Tech."

I saw him nod, rushing to the cube. I had to giggle at his childless, but he was brought back soon enough. Putting down the cube, I saw him sigh.

"So that's what you did." He muttered under his breath, but I still heard it, and smirked.

Tech looked up to me and sat down at the table, staring into my eyes intently.

"How are you fairing."

"What? I'm fine." I scoff, but I could tell he wasn't buying it. I guess he did witness...

"Don't try to deceive me Theodosia, I know you very well are not "fine", you don't have to talk about it. No man in his right mind would force someone to do so. But please, know I am here."

His tone was so sincere... it lacked its usual quirkiness and factuality, causing it to feel s little more personal and serious. It was quite nice, I could easily get used to it. I let a soft smile slip onto my eyes, closing my eyes tightly as I try to fade out the screams and cries in the back of my mind, focusing in Techs breathing, and the feeling of his overwhelming force signature.

"I mean it Tech, your here with me."

I didn't need to open my eyes to feel the shock flowing from his form after I said that; but I did anyways. His eyes were slightly wider, but his smile showed that what I said made him proud.

"You say your ok Theodosia, you better mean it." He said bitterly, but something in his tone expressed he knew more about me than I know about myself. He knows. He knows I'm not alright, but he doesn't know why.

I wished I could tell him, I wished.

But I couldn't, because I hadn't exactly figured it out myself yet.

I didn't expect myself to have an outburst like that, I didn't expect myself to react like that to anything.

I'm a Jedi. I'm supposed to be fearless. I was raised to let nothing get to me. Emotions? Weakness.push them down, especially negative ones. Those who have negative emotions are weak. Never mind that they are natural and cannot be removed. Ignore the. Force them down. Seems like a good idea, to feed kids this idea.

It made me bitter inside, remembering how they told me to handle my problems. All my life I followed that philosophy, all because I had no choice. Ann because I had no idea I had a choice.

I grit my teeth.

The Jedi order wasn't perfect like it was made out to be. They take kids from their homes. They force kids into war. They brainwash them into fighting rather they like it or not; they don't have anywhere else to go, so why wouldn't they fight? That's what they are fed. They are raised to shove down negative emotions. To get rid of them. But they are natural, not to be removed.

I grip my Cafe mug harder. So many problems could have been solved...

And the incident...

I inhale sharply, much to Techs worry.

Putting on a smile, I grin at him.

"I mean it."