Save me before it's too late

'It's still the same', Kim Gaon thought as the meeting ended and people started exiting the room. He sat there with no intention to get up anytime soon. His face was blank as if he was in a daze. His eyes were unfocused and spacing out after his ideas were shut down by the committee members. Gaon couldn't bring himself to pay attention for the rest of the meeting.

'Nothing has changed at all,' A new wave of helplessness washed over him now that he was on his own. Facing everything alone, trying to fix everything by himself. Fighting windmills wasn't an appropriate comparison, more like trying to explain quantum physics to a wall.

Simply impossible.

Despite that, Gaon's determination didn't waver the first few weeks. He dived into work like never before. He could now understand Oh Jin Joo's idea of bringing a bed into the office, Gaon had one now himself.
If he didn't work, he slept. If he didn't sleep, he worked.

Anytime the younger judge's mind trailed off somewhere he didn't want it to, Gaon just concluded he wasn't busy enough.

The only time he couldn't control his thoughts was when he slept. The dreams that came to the surface were as if mirroring all the feelings he avoided. The guilt, pain, sadness, despair, loneliness, longing... everything seemed to take over and create the most torturing dreams for Gaon.

Naturally, he did what every other sane person would. His sleep schedule got cut down in half. When he woke up after four hours of dreamless sleep, Kim Gaon felt the biggest sense of accomplishment in a while. Maybe that was the first major red flag but the younger judge seemed to become colorblind over the time because he completely ignored it.

Working 20 hours a day can kill a horse, let alone a human. A rather fragile-looking, skinny, famished, pale, and somehow sickly human that is.
And yet, Kim Gaon was going strong, pushing through for an entire week before his first nose-bleed appeared.

He wasn't fazed in the slightest and only got mad at the mess he made. Now the papers he was reading needed to be printed again, what a waste of resources. This was the second big red flag Kim Gaon decided to ignore. The third one followed right after when his nose started to bleed twenty minutes after the first time.

Fortunately, Gaon's new secretary Ah Yeon Ja noticed something was wrong and was adamant about her superior taking a break. And just like that, Kim Gaon found himself standing at his patio for the first time in over a week.

It was quiet and peaceful.

Exactly what Gaon hated the most.

He tried to keep himself busy with chores; his house needed tending after such long negligence. Gaon watered the plants, cleaned out spoiled food, vacuumed around, and even went to a nearby convenience store to buy dinner. His stomach got now upset whenever he ate a larger portion so he just opted for simple cup noodles.

Then it got quiet and peaceful again.

Despite better judgment, Gaon decided to do a deep clean of the whole apartment, because that's what most sane people do on Friday night. He was done with everything by eleven pm and everything got quiet and peaceful once again.
Being in strong need of any kind of distraction, Gaon whipped out a phone and browsed through his contacts. He bit his lip as he scrolled through Soo Hyun and blinked a few times as he saw Kang Yohan's name.

The only person alive and available he found was Lawyer Ko. It was definitely not his first option, more like the only one. After a shorter pause, Gaon pressed the dial button.

He almost hung up impulsively after the first beep. The person on the other side of the line had very little reason to hang out with Gaon after all. Not after everything he did.

Gaon bit the inside of his lip again, harder this time. He managed to draw blood before the other person answered.

"Lawyer Ko is speaking." Gaon's breath got caught in his throat as he heard a familiar voice after months. It was so weird, they barely shared any bond, hardly being less than strangers at this point, and yet Gaon found comfort in hearing his voice.

"Ah, yes... this is Kim Gaon, I'm sorry for contacting you at such a late hour..." Gaon's voice trailed off. He was supposed to state the purpose of the call, but nothing came to his mind. 'I just want to talk to someone who is not work-related. To be honest, I just want to talk to someone at all.' Yeah, definitely no. Gaon wasn't living well but he wasn't crazy either. Not yet.

"No worries. Long time no see, Judge Kim. Is something the matter?" The question Gaon was dreading and trying to come up with a response for the past ten seconds just resonated in his ears.

"N-Nothing at all. Actually... I was wondering, maybe you're free to grab a drink tonight?" The younger judge managed to say at last.

"Oh, right now? Right now is a bit..." The hesitation in Lawyer Ko's voice was all Kim Gaon needed to curse himself beyond the grave. He should not have called. Of course, there was no reason for them to meet up now that everything was over.

"Yeah, I understand. I'm sorry I have bothered you, have a good night." He said, ready to hang up and free himself from this awkward situation.

"I'm free tomorrow." Could be heard from the phone right before Gaon pressed the decline button. He froze, looking at his now blank screen. Now he's done it.
Before his shaky fingers managed to dial Lawyer Ko's number again, he received a message.

"Tomorrow at 9 pm at your place? Let me know if that works." Gaon let out a relieved sigh before responding that he was available at that time.

After this brief social interaction, Gaon felt a bit better for exactly forty seconds before his inner thoughts started haunting him again.

Shower and bed routine followed and Kim Gaon found himself tucked in at eleven-thirty.

The next time he came to his senses, he was sweating, dizzy, and covered in blood.