This Is Not the End

            Outside the scarlet sunset was just fading into darkness as Zoltan, Xyli and I went back for the last round of boxes. We had actually decided to make a third trip after Xyli had discovered a couple totes of survival blankets, lanterns, and tiny portable stoves. Now we had just three boxes left to carry, one each, and it was time to decide what to fill our pockets and backpacks with.

After much debate, we all decided to choose something special for ourselves. After all, Xyli reasoned, all the boxes were for our fellow survivors. We deserved something for coming so far and risking our lives. I agreed, but it took another fifteen minutes of carrying, loading, and convincing before Zoltan finally relented.

Xyli decided on a box of plastic collectable figurines, a set of paints, and some blank sketchbooks along with a tiny music box that played, "Somewhere Over the Rainbow," all of which she stuffed into her pockets and backpack.

Zoltan insisted he was bringing extra mask filters, but I saw him sneak a portable ham radio and a bag of electronics into his backpack when he thought I wasn't looking.

As for me, I strolled leisurely up and down the aisles, stopping now and then to peer into a box. I liked the feeling of being able to choose anything I liked. It was only after the third exaggerated sigh from Xyli and Zoltan's insistence that I decided on a few notebooks, and a set of pens from one box. After a moment's consideration, I added some books I found, their gilded covers reading: Journey to the Center of the Earth, The Giver, The City of Ember, Lord of the Flies and 1984. They took up most of the room in my backpack, and I reasonably filled my pockets and the rest of the room in my backpack with gas mask filters.

"Alright, let's go," I called up to Zoltan and Xyli who were already on the platform.

I hurried through the isles to join them, but something shiny in a box caught my eye.

I stopped, hesitating, and pulled the box off the shelf. It was titled, "Experiment's Personal Effects", and the lid was cracked, allowing in the light from my flashlight.

I pulled the plastic lid the rest of the way off and examined the cluster of clothes, books, shoes, and electronics inside. I wondered which experiment they belonged to.

Pointing my flashlight inside for a closer look, the light caught on a tiny silver necklace. I pulled it out, and a locket dangled from my fingertips.

"Kora, we have to go!"

"Coming!"

I stuffed the locket into my backpack and hurried to catch up with my friends.

@ @ @

We stopped outside the Plant, tired and sweaty, and stared at the pile of boxes we had left at the door.

"This was a bad idea," Xyli moaned.

"I hadn't thought about carrying all this back to the Ostrich. It's already dark," I added, getting more and more tired standing there.

"We can't fly the Ostrich any closer?"" Zoltan asked, but I shook my head.

"There's no other clearing near here."

"So, what do we do?" Xyli questioned.

I stared tiredly at her for a moment, before Zoltan collected himself and picked up a box.

"There's no use standing around, we have to get this to the Ostrich."

"But I'm tired," Xyli whined.

I nudged her and picked up my own box.

"Zoltan's right. Come on, we've got work to do."

We carried every single one of the boxes to the Ostrich. It took a number of hours, and the moon was high in the sky before we finally collapsed on the ground around the helicopter.

"I have to take this mask off," Xyli gasped, peeling the mask off her face. The rubber was drenched in smelly sweat, and she took deep gulps of the fresh, cold air.

"It's probably not safe," Zoltan started, but after a moment he took his off too.

"You guys, we'll need to decontaminate all this stuff before we hand it out tomorrow," I reminded, sitting on the side of the Ostrich.

"How are you going to do that? We don't even know what chemicals got onto the supplies." Zoltan lay down on the grass, staring up at the stars overhead.

"We can assume mustard gas and phosgene... I saw those names on some of the pipes. And the yellow smoke we saw was definitely phosgene. There probably wasn't a lot of phosgene in the Plant itself, because it's on a hill, and there's not a lot here too, same reason. It stays low to the ground, like in that valley we passed through."

"So, we wash everything really well to get rid of the mustard gas and we'll be good?"

"Supposedly," I agreed.

"Where can we do that?" Xyli wondered.

"I know of an abandoned car wash that still works. It's a little outside of town, but there's an abandoned parking lot where we can land the Ostrich," Zoltan suggested.

"Sounds perfect."

"But that's tomorrow, right? We can rest now?" Xyli wondered, her eyes pleading.

"Fine," Zoltan nodded, "You girls can have the chopper, I'll sleep out here."

"Thanks."

It was minutes before Xyli was curled up on top of some boxes with an emergency blanket around her. Zoltan and I had spent that time arguing about taking off the hazmat suits. I was worried they'd be contaminated, but he insisted they were alright. After a heated debate we had decided to just leave them on, but Zoltan had insisted on sleeping without our gas masks.

If we all die, I'm holding him personally responsible.

I had decided to rest in the piolet's seat, looking up through the glass windshield at the stars. I was tired. Every single muscle on my shoulders was aching and the uncomfortable seat was not helping. My suit was sticky and hot, and I couldn't stop worrying about inhaling some fatal gas.

Maybe this wasn't such a good idea.

I sighed and pulled out my backpack. I had intended on starting those books I had chosen, but my fingers clasped on the mysterious locket instead.

I struggled to open the tiny oval locket with my thick gloves, but after a few minutes of struggling, it popped open. I held it up to the moonlight, disappointed to find no pictures inside. Instead, a tiny folded paper fell out. It took longer to unfold the yellowed paper through the gloves, but I soon managed and was surprised by what I read.

Some people assume change is impossible but keep going anyway.

Some people know change is possible but do nothing.

I ask myself, which is better? Knowing the truth and doing nothing, or believing a lie and becoming unstoppable?

I stared at the slip, wondering about the author and the writing.

"Kora, what is it?"

I heard Xyli mutter from behind me. I could tell that she was half-asleep.

"Nothing, Xyli go back to sleep."

I heard her roll over, and her breathing settled once again, but my eyes didn't leave the old scrap of paper that seemed to glow in the moonlight. I carefully folded it back up, and slipped it back in the locket, fastening the silver chain around my neck.

Relaxing against the seatback, my eyes glazed over, and I pondered the note until I fell asleep.