This Is Not the End

        I awoke before the others. Everything was quiet, and I could hear Xyli's gentle breathing from behind me. Careful not to wake her, I scrambled out of the chopper, clammy, stiff, and sore.

Stretching, I nearly fell on a sleeping Zoltan who was lying close to the Ostrich on a blanket. Tiptoeing by him, I decided to take a walk. As I strolled leisurely through the underbrush my muscles fought me for every step, but gradually loosened. The path we had trampled the day before was open for me, and I walked along it, admiring the sun as it occasionally blinded me as it rose from between the trees.

It was silent in the forest; the birds and insects had either died or migrated to a safer home long ago. The only noise was the wind blowing through the trees, and my feet crunching sticks on the pathway. The normal, echoing sound of my breathing was absent, and it took me a moment to figure out why.

I left my gas mask in the chopper.

It didn't matter much; I wouldn't go near the Plant anyway.

The path underneath me sloped, and I was in a valley before I knew what was happening.

I should probably turn back.

I told myself, stopped where I was on the beaten path.

That was when the sun reflected off a haunting mass of golden fog; a monster wrapping itself around my feet. I could smell it, the moldy straw.

The world slowed to a crawl. Everything in me told me to run, to flee, to hold my breath and escape. But I could only stand and stare.

My eyesight went blurry. The forest, sunrise, and deadly golden cloud melted and mixed as tears filled my eyes.

My lungs ached and gasped for clean air. A harsh breathing noise filled my ears, and it took me a moment to realize it was my breathing. My insides were racked with coughs and I was trembling all over.

I ran.

I ran as I had never run before. I flew through the forest, away from the danger, away from the cloud of death I had seen. I felt as if I could outrun it: the gas, the smell, the threat, the terror. I could outrun it. I would. I was not going to die.

"Kora, Kora, what on earth?"

I exploded into our little clearing, panting and sputtering for air. Zoltan was holding my arms, stabilizing me, his face obstructed by his gas mask. I barely felt him. Xyli was staring at me with her wide, fearful eyes shining out of her mask, but I barely saw her.

"Kora, what happened," Zoltan's voice shook something in me awake.

I stood, pulling back, and getting my breathing under control.

I opened my mouth to tell them what had happened, then paused. The story on my lips died away as I heard my voice saying, "Oh, I just forgot my gas mask."

Relief spread across my friend's faces, and I found the gas mask thrust in my hands. I stared at it for a minute.

Why didn't I tell them?

I put the mask on and argued with myself.

We don't know I breathed any in. It would be worrying them for nothing.

"So, are we going?"

I was suddenly in the cockpit, ready to fly, the chopper's blades speeding up. I wiped my eyes vigorously, until the blurriness subsided somewhat, and took the controls, shaking off my shock in order to fly.

The symptoms wouldn't appear for some time anyway.

I tried in vain to convince myself as we took off.

Let's just finish the mission.

The Plant grew smaller underneath us, and I could faintly hear Zoltan and Xyli chatting about all the supplies from the back of the Ostrich.

Finish the mission.

We had been incredibly lucky to get this far.

And even if this is as far as I go...

Even the thought made a fresh dose of terror flood me, and I tried in vain to focus on the flight.

It would be worth it.

For some reason, the hand that wasn't flying the helicopter fingered the locket I had fastened around my neck.

"Worth it," I whispered to myself.

"What?" Xyli asked, popping her head up into the cockpit.

"Nothing," I gave her a well-practiced fake smile, "Now fasten that seat belt! We'll be at the car wash in a few minutes, and we've got some decontaminating to do!"

@ @ @

For just a little while, I could push back my fear and have fun with my friends. We were delighted to find the water lines still working, and the hoses from the old car wash made quick work of the Ostrich and our supplies. We especially had fun decontaminating each other with powerful bursts of water whenever someone let down their guard. It was an all-out water war that lasted the better part of two hours. Finally, Xyli and I surrendered our weapons to the victor, Zoltan, who had discovered a way to attach three hoses to his hazmat suit, in addition to two hoses he held in his hands. We all collapsed in a fit of laughter on the firm concrete, and let the suits dry out in the warm sun before changing into normal clothes.

I stood in the abandoned ladies room of the car wash pulling the sweaty suit off, but I was caught in a violent fit of coughing. I felt a dampness on my face when it passed, and assumed it was salvia, but my hand came away with a red smear of blood. I looked from it to the terrified image of me in the mirror in front of me. I could see the tears that filled my eyes, and I let a single one roll down my cheek.

My mind was screaming.

Its phosgene, that's one of the symptoms, you're going to die!

But I simply washed my hand off, finished changing and folded the hazmat suit neatly before putting it in the air-tight plastic bag I had used for my change of clothes. After that, I looked back up into the mirror.

My resigned, pale face stared back at me. There was an empty look in my eyes. It was the same empty look that had filled them since my grandmother died and I had been left on my own, but it was more intense. It was more...

Hopeless.

"Kora!"

I closed my eyes, wishing to be left alone to cry, be miserable... and die.

"Kora!"

Xyli knocked on the door of the ladies room loudly, and I knew I had to pull myself together.

Splashing a little cold water on my face, I gave my reflection a winning smile.

I can do this... I'm dying... I can do this...

"I'm here!" I opened the door, trying to be cheerful, but not too cheerful.

"Are we going?"

"Yup! Let's go deliver these supplies! Everyone will be so happy!"

"Yeah!" I exclaimed, but the smile on my face disappeared as Xyli rounded the corner.

So happy...