Without Me

"You've been adjusting well?" Emma asked.

Lizzie hoped her thoughts didn't show on her face as she considered everything that had happened since she came back to the school. Objectively, she was not adjusting well. Not to this school and not to her new life.

"You don't have to say yes," Emma said gently.

"I think it's a process," Lizzie said honestly with a heavy sigh. "And I know I'll get there eventually, so I'm just hanging on for the time being."

"That's a wise perspective."

"Yeah, I … I just know the importance of remembering it gets better." Lizzie smiled with no teeth, wringing her hands together in her lap. She didn't know what she'd get out of these therapy sessions if she spent the whole time lying to keep her cover.

There was a knock at the door.

"Give me just a second," Emma said, standing up and excusing herself. She cracked the door. "I'm just finishing a session. Come back in ten minutes please."

"I just need one of the crystal balls," Hope said from the other side of the door.

Emma turned to smile at Lizzie. "I'll be back in just a moment."

Lizzie watched her go, waiting until the door was shut to spring to her feet and open the drawer under Emma's desk. There was no sign of the ascendant, but there was something else that caught her eye. 

The crystal seemed to sparkle a little more than usual, like it was begging Lizzie to take it. She could hear Emma wishing Hope luck, and she quickly stuffed it into her pocket, launching herself back on the couch and painting an annoyed expression on her face. 

"Sorry about that," Emma said as she took her spot back in her chair. "So what do you think is stopping you from fully adjusting here?"

"Um …" Lizzie looked back and forth nervously. "I guess … being afraid of people finding out who I really am. Like, deep down inside."

"What would happen if people found out?"

Lizzie sighed. She could do this. She could tell the truth while still lying. "Honestly … people would be hurt that I hid it. Then they would get over it. But I would lose my opportunity to start over and be a brand-new, better person."

"Well that's not true, is it?" Emma tilted her head, her pen poised over her notes.

"What do you mean?"

"You can always start over. It doesn't have to be with strangers."

They're not strangers. They're my friends. I'm the stranger, Lizzie thought.

"Everyday is a new day, and everyday you get to start over."

"And bettering myself is a process, not a trip. There's no end destination, I know," Lizzie recited Emma's old words back to her. It was the same thing Emma had told her a hundred times growing up. 

Emma smiled and took a sip of her tea. "It sounds like you've had this talk before."

"I … Yeah. I've been in therapy my whole life. I don't think there's much you'll be able to therapize at me that I haven't heard already."

"Therapize?" Emma laughed. She set her tea cup back down. "I've heard you've started training sessions with Dr. Saltzman?"

Lizzie nodded. "Who knew punching things was so cathartic?"

Emma laughed again. "Dr. Saltzman."

"So are we almost done here?" Lizzie asked abruptly. "I mean, I appreciate this and everything, but I have homework."

"Oh yeah, go ahead. I'm always here if you need something later."

"Thank you."

Lizzie clutched the crystal tighter in her pocket as she let herself out of the counseling office.