it started with a kiss//karlnap

"Dear whoever may read this,
its been a week since that incident at the store, I've been going back to school with Sapnap but i fucking hate it. Im known as the kid who "hasnt eaten in weeks" even though ive tried and tried to eat, Sapnap helping me along the way, Dream would always stick up for me as well but i didnt want to go to school. Sapnaps mom has been trying to find somewhere for me to get therapy. I don't want therapy. Everyone says i need it, even Sapnap. Me and Sapnap did get into an argument over me going to therapy but he apologised and he is currently sleeping next to me, he has a tight grip on my waist. It is currently 3:32AM as im writing and i have school in the morning. But always remember, i only write in this book when im at my completely fucking worse. I guess i lived another day.

Sincerely Karl Jacobs."

I grabbed my journal and hid it under Sapnap's bed. I rubbed my eyes and snuggled up to Sapnaps chest. I tried so hard not to cry, I've been crying myself to sleep everyday this past week, no-one ever heard it tho, not even Sapnap and he was right next to me.
Its as if none heard my cries for help. I slowly tried shutting my eyes and sleeping. I wish i could just shut my eyes for ever, i hoped that i wouldnt wake up. I felt Sapnap cling onto me tighter. I slowly shut my eyes.

"Karl, babe wake up, we have school," Sapnap said, giving me a kiss on the forehead.
"Can we stay home please," I said stretching my arms.
"You can stay home if you'd like but i have a football game to attend with Dream,"
"Please stay home with me,"
"Karl, I'll be back home early since i dont need to attend classes,"
"Fine"
"I love you, please eat something" Sapnap said, giving me a kiss. I clung onto him.
"I love you too,"
"Oh and no self harming,"
I nodded.
"Im serious Karl,"
"Yes, I get it,"
"Are you sure?"
"Maybe"
"Exactly, call Quackity to stay home with you, hes always down to bunk,"
"Okay, i will,"
"I love you babe,"
"I love you more," Sapnap gave me another kiss and then walked out of the room. It felt empty. I grabbed my phone and texted the groupchat.

_______________
crew boys😍🙌

karl:
anyone down to come over

dream:
nah football sorry man

george:
sorry karl im busy

quackity:
yeah, busy eating dreams face

sapnap:
srry babe ily ill
be back soon

karl:
ok

dream:
karl u good bro?
_________________________________________

I turnt my phone off, how was i meant to respond to Dreams text. I layed down, that stupid text wouldn't get out of my mind. "karl u good bro?" No, no i fucking wasn't, I'm sick of pretending im okay. Dream would be down to hear about my problems right?

________
dream:]

karl:
yo dream u with sap?

dream:
not yet, whats up

karl:
im not doing good rn
but im scared to tell
sap

dream:
wdym by ur not doing good?

karl:
i want to end it.

dream:
karl?

karl:
im sorry that was
stupid of me 2 say

dream:
nono, i wont be much help
but you could try and call
suicide hotline?

karl:
ill think abt it
thnx dream

_________________________________________

Suicide Hotline? I didnt care about it. I had bigger problems, Dream would probably tell Sapnap. I need Sapnap here with me, i felt like self harming, Sapnap taught me ways how to lower down on the self harming but none of them worked. I wanted a cuddle from him, i wanted him to reasure me everything would be okay. I put my head to my knees and sobbed, i wished all this pain was over. Everything came back to me. The times when Olivia was abusive, the time when me and Sapnap almost died, the time when i ran away from home, the time when- I was sick of everything, more tears streaming out of my eyes by the second.

"Karl, darling? Are you okay?" It was Sapnaps mom. I shook my head.
"I want Sapnap," I sobbed, Willow put her arms around my shoulders,"Would you like me to call Sapnap and get him here for you?"
"Please,"
"Okay, stay here, I'll get Sapnap here now," She walked off, at least Sapnap would be here. I probably fell asleep since when i opened my eyes i was in Sapnaps arms.
"Sapnap?" I said, i clung onto his waist.
"Karl, are you okay?? My mom called me, she said you needed me." Sapnap said, I shook my head and started to sob again, i rested my head onto Sapnaps shoulder.
"Sapnap can you stay here with me?" I said, snuggling up to Sapnap. Sapnap nodded.

I wish this pain would be over.

834 words<3