Unloveable || Sapnap

February 26th

TW!!!
MENTIONS OF-
Manipulation
Non consenting sexual talk / advances
Panic attacks
Suicidal thoughts

you can skip this chapter if you want !! ill do a lil summary on what kasper did at the end if these tws are too much for you :)

—

After Niki's breakdown about Kasper, Sapnap was dying to know the full story. He didn't want to pry obviously, but he couldn't help but be curious. If Niki had such a bad breakdown about something like his ex simply commenting on his post, it had to be pretty fucked up.

Niki was now sat with his head leaned on Sapnap's shoulder, just staring at the black screen of the tv. They didn't say anything and Dream had left to go take Tyler back to the apartment because he had a photoshoot in the morning.

Sapnap took a deep breath, Niki's head lifting a bit as his shoulders raised along with his chest. "Niki, what did happen between you and Kasper? Its okay if you don't want to talk about it, I'm just curious. Now more than ever." He let out a breathy laugh, Niki doing the same and lifting his head from the boys shoulder.

Niki sighed, ready to tell the story for what felt like the hundredth time.

"He wasn't bad at all in the beginning, in fact he was probably one of the sweetest people I knew. Well, at least from what I thought I guess. I can't really say he was great at the beginning anymore." His hands fell down to his knees as he melted into the cushions on the couch. This was gonna be a long story.

"We dated for about a year and a half, and the first few months were absolute heaven. We went on constant dates, he got to meet my parents, he bought me things, got along with my friends. There was no red flags. I trusted him so much I let him take my virginity, which he knew I wanted to give to someone special. He would tell me how pretty I am, compliment me all the time, hold my hand and kiss me in public. He was everything I wanted in a person."

"Where did it go wrong?"

Niki bit his cheek upon hearing the question, not fully sure on how to answer that himself. "I guess the first red flag happened around February of 2019, Valentines Day. We had been dating for about 7 months at that point, and he said he really wanted to have sex with me on Valentines Day because it would be super romantic. I however had a bad day at work, at the time I was working as a bookseller, and I told him I wasn't in the mood."

He cringed as he remembered the memory, bringing his knees to his chest as he wrapped his arms around them. "He kept trying to persuade me into having sex with him, and I kept saying no and pushing him away. It wasn't the only time he did it, he often tried getting me to sleep with him when he had bad days and he would yell at me or call me boring if I refused. We never actually did anything on those days, but it was still absolutely terrifying. I still feel gross about it."

Sapnap cringed at the memory, clenching his fists at his sides. He was really starting to see why everyone hated Kasper as much as they did.

"Then after that came the gaslighting, but I didn't realize it til Dream told me about it when I told him. In our arguments he would always convince me that I was in the wrong, and he even called me a bad boyfriend because I started working later. He told me I didn't care about his feelings enough, that I only care about my job. He told me that if I really cared I would quit my job to spend more time with him. And I did."

Niki hated how stupid he sounded, he hated how he let himself be so easily tricked into giving up his life just because he was in love. He was always told that love makes you do stupid things, but he didn't ever think it would cause him to give up his life for someone.

He wanted someone who was the exact opposite of what Kasper was. Someone who encouraged him to work more, not quit his job. Someone who stopped when he said no. Someone who actually told him that they love him. He didn't even notice when tears began pooling from his eyes.

Sapnap however did, and he laid the boys head back on his shoulder and let him cry. He rubbed circles on Niki's back, waiting for the boy to be ready to speak again.

Soft sniffles were heard before he spoke back up.

"It got really bad, I lost everything and a lot of my friends because I wasn't listening to them telling me he was gonna break my heart and fuck me over. I was basically depending on him, and I think that may have been his ultimate goal. I started having really bad panic attacks, which he never helped me with. He told me I was delusional and stupid. And then it got worse, and he broke up with me. He told me he never loved me, that I was delusional for thinking he ever did." He sniffled once again.

"And after he broke up with me I cried to Dream, and he was there for me. I was having suicidal thoughts, and I almost started harming myself because I just felt so horrible about everything."

Sapnap continued to rub his back, ignoring the wet spots forming on his shirt. "You just went through a break up, of course you're gonna feel horrible."

Niki shook his head, bringing the sleeves of his hoodie up to his face to help him dry his eyes. "That's not why. It's because I loved him, and I still fucking do." He choked out, sobs beginning to shake his entire body.

Sapnap was quick to wrap his arms around him fully, Niki's head now resting on his chest.

It pained him to know that Niki was still in love with Kasper, for multiple reasons. Main reason of course is because Kasper is a fucking prick, and Niki deserved so much better. Second, he was sure he had feelings for him. It took him weeks, and a couple smacks from Dream, but he had figured it out.

"It's okay to cry, Nik. Falling out of love takes time, and a lot of the time people don't want to fall out of love until they see someone who's better than the person they love. You don't have to love anyone else until you find the person who makes you want to love again."

Niki sniffled, his breathing shaking a bit. "W-What if I never find that person? What if I never love again? What if no one ever loves me again?"

Sapnap pulled him away, forcing Niki to look him in the eyes. "Niki, you're one of the greatest people I know. We've known each other a short time, but you're possibly the sweetest boy I've ever met. You make people smile, you know how to make people laugh, you care so much about your friends and family, and you have so many fans who would give their life to even be in the same room as you. You're loved, no matter if its in a romantic way or just platonic, or even through a screen."

He used his thumb to wipe a stray tear, sending Niki the kindest smile he's ever given. "Anyone would be lucky to have someone as amazing as you."

Niki smiled and threw himself into Sapnap's arms, sniffling softly as his nose began to run.

"Thank you, Pandas."

—
anyways thats the whole gist of it 😍

if you didn't read it, basically kasper slowly made it to where he was the only person niki had and then basically dumped him after he basically gave his life up for him.

if any of you are experiencing any of the things mentioned in this chapter, LEAVE THEIR ASS !!! thats toxic and hella unhealthy in a relationship. you are NOT supposed to be second guessing yourself in a relationship

i love you all, please take care of yourself. <33