Control Me (book 1)

Chapter 12

"It's all my fault..."

"Just forget about it. Oh by the way Saturday Jessica is coming over."

"I can't forget! Ian she won't leave my head! I sat out in the forest for 2 hours just thinking about her! I don't know what to do! Just thinking about it all makes me so pissed that I may explode." I set the bottle down on the counter hard. The bottom shattered over the counter. Ian jumped, "Sorry..." I thought for a moment about what Ian had just said. "Jessica?"

"Yeah she called and said she was coming over Saturday." I smiled. Jessica was the hottest girl I knew, she and I had hooked up every time we saw each other. Maybe if I could just hook up with her, I could forget Sapphire, then everything would go back to normal. "Well I'm going to go back in there," he put his hand on my shoulder and gave me a sympathetic smile. "Good luck with that," I nodded and he left the room.

Tom came back and bit my ass about being gone without me telling him, he said he was looking for me all morning. Then he found out I took his beer and ripped me another one for that too. Once I had told him what the deal was however he let me have as many as I wanted. I didn't take any though.

For the next week I felt like I was in hell, I did as much activity as I could trying to get her off my mind. Exercise, cleaning, tree jumping -yes it's a thing I climb and jump from trees- I played video games with Ian, but everything seemed off. Still my mind swam with her, it was like her name was written on my brain. Friday seemed to come around slowly. Ian and Jason went to Vintage Stock to get a new game that they had been wanting to get for a while. They had wanted me to come with them but I said no, I didn't want to catch her scent when I was in town and get that urge to see her. I looked down at my wrist, it seemed like forever since I got to feel her touch and I knew it would be forever know too. I kissed the band softly, it felt just like her, I pulled the bracelet away from my face and looked at it. It wasn't her I knew that, but it felt so good. I kissed it again then laid my arm down on my chest. I closed my eyes laying back on the couch. I ran my fingers through my hair and let out a sigh. Things hadn't gotten any better. I can't believe someone else said they never wanted to see me again it had happened so long ago, I never wanted to hear it again but I did. Each time I was placed for the blame. Maybe I was just bound to be like this, a monster. Someone who scares everyone away if I get too close to them. The door swung open and I sat up Jason and Ian came into the house with their heads down and a sad look in their eyes, I could tell they weren't sad the look was directed to me. I sat up and looked at them, they were quiet.

"What?" I asked. The anxiety was boiling in me, worry turned in my mind.

"We saw Sapphire at Vintage Stock today..." Ian muttered. My eyes grew wide my heart was pounding faster and faster.

"And?"

"She was with a man, I had seen him at the restaurant before remember." My jaw locked, he was talking about Jake. What the hell was he doing around her? My blood boiled and I clenched my fists. "We followed them for a little, they were very buddy buddy. I stood up with my head to the ground and grabbed a beer from the kitchen. I chugged it down and got another one until I was drunk off my ass.

"Whatever! If she wants to go and be with that psycho she can! I don't give a shit!" I yelled sitting on the couch a beer in hand. Tom was sitting across from me concerned. Everyone had went to bed it was just me, Tom, and Ian. "God she's going to get hurt... And it's all my fault..."

"It's not your fault," Tom said.

"Yes it is! If I hadn't been all over her, she wouldn't have fallen in love with me. If I would have just kept my distance she still would be safe." I took another swig of the bottle. The room was spinning and my thoughts were all over the place. It numbed my mind but at the same time it hurt, it made the pain worse. Where was this pain coming from, why won't it leave! "But I couldn't... She was just too hot, her smile drew me in like a spider in a web. Her eyes that shined brighter than the stars in the dead of night. And I let myself get crushed. So it is all my fault." I sat back on the couch.