Don't Leave, Angelus (Affliction Series #4)

Chapter 21

“Where is he?” my first word when I arrived at dilapidated door of his house.

Sa labas ng bahay nila ginanap ang lamay dahil masikip sa loob. Pagkalapag ng eroplano ay kay Angelus kaagad ako dumiretso.

Seeing a casket before me broke a part inside me.

I wandered my eyes at the place. May mga taong nagsusugal at nagkukuwentuhan na halos gusto ko nang sigawan at paalisin dahil sa ingay at tawanan. Akala ba nila may entertainment na nagaganap dito? I was really mad and disappointed that I didn’t last a minute outside and just immediately moved to find Angelus.

Nasa bukana na ako nang makitang tumayo si Earl. Halatang gulat na gulat siya nang makita ako ngunit kalaunan ay isinantabi iyon para sagutin ang tanong ko.

“Nasa kuwarto niya.”

Wala akong sinayang na oras at tinawid na agad ang distansya ng kuwarto niya. I didn’t bother knocking and just went inside.

Naabutan ko siyang nakatalikod at nagbibihis at nang makarinig ng yabag ay bumaling siya sa direksyon ko.

He blinked at the sight of me so did I.

His face was pale and there were dark circles under his eyes indicating he had no sleep. He looked really exhausted that I wasn’t able to utter any word when I closed our distance, throwing my arms around his neck for an embrace.

Sa sobrang bilis ng tibok ng puso ko ay para na akong kinakapos ng hangin, but when I felt his body’s warmth, my breathing went stable.

“You will be fine... I’ll make you,” bulong ko nang kumalma.

Narinig ko ang mabigat niyang paghinga. Niyakap ko siya lalo hanggang sa maramdaman ko na rin ang yakap niya sa aking baywang na unti-unting humihigpit.

I let out a shaky breath of relief. Sinubukan ko siyang tingalain pero hindi nagtagumpay nang ipinatong niya ang baba sa uluhan ko, obviously avoiding my gaze.

Later on, he gave a strained laugh. “Akala ko hindi ako matitibag, pero pagkita ko sa ’yo, naalala ko na tao rin pala ako.”

Kusang pumikit ang mata ko nang mahimigan ang lungkot at pagdudusa roon. Kung hindi niya lang sinubukang ilihim ito sa akin, hindi siya ganito ka wasak... pero hindi pa naman huli ang lahat para harapin niya ito nang mag-isa.

“You have me now... hindi mo na kailangang magdusa mag-isa dahil dadamayan kita.”

Then he started crying devastatingly.

Seeing him this weak and lost, I couldn’t help but cry and mourn with him. Lahat ng sama ng loob ko sa kaniya—kung bakit hindi niya ako sinabihan tungkol sa nangyayari na kailangan ko pang malaman sa iba—ay tuluyan nang nawasak. Wala na akong intensyong imungkahi pa iyon dahil alam ko na maiintindihan ko siya—magpaliwanag man siya o hindi.

Nakatulog si Angelus galing sa pagod at pag-iyak. He never let go of my hand even when he dozed off to sleep. Pinagmamasdan ko lang siya habang hinahaplos ang mukha gamit ang libreng kamay.

What he’s feeling this moment is beyond my imagination. He kept it all to himself because he didn’t want to bother anyone... especially me.

Wala akong ibang naramdaman kundi kirot dahil sa sinabi niya. He just wouldn’t let me share his vulnerability with me. As if... he could manage to live and endure pain without anyone’s help.

And I hate it to the core.

Because for once, I wanted him to depend on me. I would want to be a shoulder to cry on, a support when everything seems so heavy to carry on and a source of strength when he feels like he’s running out of.