Newt Imagines (The Maze Runner)

Newt is thinking again. Thinking about her.

This isn't nearly as rare an occurrence as he would like; although Newt is kept busy day and day out, practically wearing his feet down to the bone from all the times he has to keep racing across the Glade to sort out yet another problem, he somehow always finds the space of mind to keep one person in his head, and one person only: Y/N.

He shouldn't be as hopeless as he is. If you face the facts, and Newt would like to clarify that he does try to do that as often as possible, despite all evidence to the contrary, there should be nothing special about his relationship with Y/N. In fact, there isn't much of a relationship at all. They are both in the same Glade together, yes, both bound by those same desolate stone walls, but they have nothing more in common.

They don't talk much, they don't even do much more than that same awkward half-wave across the grassy fields whenever they have to see each other. By all accounts, Newt should think of her as rarely as he does Aidan or Carl or any of the other boys who have faded into obscurity in the back of Newt's mind as soon as a few months passed after their arrival to the Glade.

This, however, is not the case. Despite the fact that they almost never spend time together, despite the fact that Y/N seems to be perfectly fine treating Newt as if he were yet another grass or stone to be ignored, he cannot return the favor. Every bone in Newt's body seems to be attuned to her, and he could sooner forget about the Maze itself than go a day without turning her name over and over in his mind.

It's not a healthy habit to have, and Newt knows it. If he were smart, he would stop with this infatuation, and either actually talk to her for once or drop the matter entirely. It would be the easiest thing in the world to just end this pointless addiction. Despite the forced proximity of the Glade, Newt has done it countless times with other friends who'd once been like brothers to him and are now nothing more than has-beens, past memories of inside jokes that have long since been forgotten.

He could leave her be, or so he claims. In truth, Newt knows that there's no way that he could ever really let go of Y/N so quickly. The problem, of course, is that he's not in this alone. Y/N exists outside of his conscious control, and in all of her free will, she's decided to hate him.

That's the worst part of this, Newt decides. It would be one thing if she were merely apathetic towards him and Newt could force himself to realize that it was all in his head, but no. He doesn't know quite how to put a finger on the matter, but Y/N definitely doesn't like him.

When she first arrived at the Glade, Newt would keep coming up to her with a question or a favor to ask or something, anything, but every time she would turn him away. All he would ever get from her was a cold shoulder or a few muttered words' worth of a functional response. She gave him the bare minimum time after time, and eventually he stopped trying at all.

Now, they regard each other across the expanse of Newt's known life, all of their interactions hemmed in by the walls of the Maze. Y/N is no longer quite so harsh as she'd been in the beginning, but they're definitely not friends.

In truth, Newt doesn't know if it would be better or worse if they were more than this stilted silence. He doesn't know why he had to go and fall in love with her of all people, the one Glader here who actively hates him, but it's not like he can do anything about it now. Still, perhaps the crush would hurt even worse if they were closer. Would a forced closeness make his heart ache a duller tune than it does now, or would it turn his bruised feelings into a new sort of death?

In the end, Newt supposes that he'll never know. All he has is this world, the one in which Y/N barely tolerates him on good days, and it's not like he can do anything to change that. This has been Newt's core tenet throughout his entire existence in the Glade, after all. No matter what happens, you grin and bear it. There's no point in imagining a better, brighter life for yourself, all that does is make your current situation seem even worse than before.