Uncontrollable Consequences | HEEHOON

By the time Sunghoon’s second trimester started, he had began showing. He wasn’t particularly big, it was just noticeable because of his complexion. Still, under baggy enough clothes no one could tell. Even though it was hard to see and most people wouldn’t notice, he had started to feel self-conscious. Nothing too bad, but sometimes he would catch his reflection on the mirror and his mind would go places he rather it didn’t. It was normal after all, he knew and had accepted that. And yet, he found himself staring at his reflexion once again as he was getting changed for the day.

His feelings were conflicting. It felt weird looking at his reflection and knowing he was allowed to gain weigh when normally he wouldn’t be. Normally, someone would have put him on a diet to lose weigh already. Now he was on a diet, but for completely different reasons. It generated some level of anxiety in him, the uncertainty of what was to come later and how it usually was.

On the flipside, it filled him with pride and some deep part of his mind wanted everyone to see. No matter how aware he was that those feelings came from a more primal side of him, he loved it. He loved that everyone now knew that Heeseung was his and only his. The fact that everyone could see their marks, that they didn’t have to cover them up anymore, flooded him with so much joy he got scared for a moment. No one had to know how they became mates, that bit wasn’t relevant at all, what mattered was that they had mated and that they were expecting a child.

A child that was growing inside of him. Many may try to question their relationship, how real it was, how truthful they were, but it didn’t matter. It didn’t because he had all the proof he needed. He had all the affection and reassurance, Heeseung loved him and he loved Heeseung. Whatever everyone else wanted to say was not important at all.

But he knew the comments would get to him at some point. He knew that even though he wanted to show his belly to everyone, have them see how it had grown, the comments they would make could break him. He hated that side of his mind sometimes. The side that would often forget Heeseung would always be behind him, ready to bring him back up. Ready to give him all the support he needed to get himself back together.

Like in that moment, as Heeseung came to hug him from behind, placing one hand over his stomach and another over Sunghoon’s hand. An unexpected side effect of the pregnancy was that Heeseung would feel the constant need to scent Sunghoon. Anywhere and as often as he could. So, Sunghoon had Heeseung buried in his neck, as if he hadn’t done the exact same thing as soon as he woke up. More often than not, Sunghoon didn’t mind, he even enjoyed the attention and caring. But sometimes, his thoughts were louder than his desire to be cherished.

“Do you think I’ve gotten bigger?” Sunghoon let his thoughts win.

The problem here was, as Heeseung froze, that Heeseung had no idea what the appropriate answer was. On the one hand, yes, Sunghoon had indeed gotten bigger. It was only natural and Heeseung thought it was perfectly normal and healthy. Some days, Sunghoon would ask this same question with the intention of getting that answer in response. He wanted reassurance that everything was progressing as it should. On the other hand, though, sometimes Sunghoon was feeling insecure and wanted the same reassurance but from a different perspective. He wanted to know he wasn’t putting on more weigh that he should.

Heeseung had, with some practice, gotten quite good at distinguishing which one Sunghoon was asking for. Sometimes, though, he needed some seconds to fully process everything and be able to answer. So, he pretended to be getting out of a daze caused by the scenting.

“I think you look amazing,” Heeseung answered honestly. He never really thought the opposite anyway.

“But also bigger,” Sunghoon added, as if Heeseung had implied it. Heeseung would be the first to admit that, while he knew what Sunghoon was feeling, he didn’t often know how to answer.