Growing Up

September, circa 1974: Hogwarts

It was a cold and rainy evening which made Remus' dorm room feel extra cozy with the lack of cool air flowing from the vents.

The other boys were playing cards, pointing their wands and making them float. With this distraction, he could see his way out of their bonding to take a shower.

He went into the washroom still clothed. He never changed in front of the rest, he was far too ashamed.

James was lean, fit, tan. And Sirius? He was damn near perfect. He was pureblooded, after all. Peter? Well, it was Peter.

After his shower, the dorm was oddly silent. Normally, the buzz of voices, failed spells, and falling items that James had bumped into, he was fairly clumsy; He figured they had gone down for dinner. They normally tell him where they're going if he isn't tagging along, maybe he just didn't hear them. Remus wrapped the deep maroon towel around his waist and opened the door.

Walking out, he was startled by Sirius presence digging through his the top drawer of his dresser.

Seeing him made him want to cover his chest like a girl, he didn't like feeling so deeply exposed

"Oh, sorry Moony." Said Sirius, not looking up. "I just wanted a jumper-" He pulled one out and turned, his mouth turning agape slightly as he caught sight of Remus.

They stared at each other for a moment, each passing second becoming more awkward than the last.

"D'you mind?" He said, his voice sharper than intended.

"Sorry, i-" Sirius mumbled, quickly scrambling for his things with the jumper in his hand. His mind whirled with the image he just had seen.

Remus was covered in scars. covered. His arms, legs, torso, everywhere had blooming pink scars. Some were in a cross-hatching pattern, looking as though they had been scratched over and over. Those were a darker purple, indicating a deeper wound.

He had always wondered, yet never asked, why Remus had always changed in the bathroom or behind the curtain of his bed, now he knew.

Sirius felt sick. He wondered what kind of evil could do that to him, to a boy. Whatever it was that did that to him, it was no wonder he didn't like to be touched.

Sirius walked towards the door, feeling Remus' eyes on him as he walked out. He put his hand on the doorknob but found himself unable to turn it.

"What happened?" He asked, turning around.

Remus' face turned a deep red as he looked away.

"I don't think that's any of your business."

Sirius' eyebrows furrowed, a face of concern taking over his expression.

"Are you sure?" He asked hesitating. "Because i can-"

"It's nothing." He hissed, cutting Sirius off. His voice became low and dark, giving way to an end of the conversation.

Sirius turned back around and slipped the jumper over his head. He opened the door and stopped again.

"Lupin."

"What?" He snapped, this time harsher than the last.

"I'll give this one back," Sirius pulled at the sweater. "I've taken enough."

***

Remus, now done with his shower and pissed off, decided he needed to go down to the dining hall for dinner. It was hard to go to bed hungry anyway.

He walked through the open doors of the hall, admiring the smell of the savory food that appeared on their plates. He was starving. He walked slowly to his spot, unsure how to approach the group. Sirius could've told them what he saw. The horrible, ugly, mangled boy that stood in front of him. That's how it felt, anyway.

"Hey, Moony!" James slammed his fist on the table, his polite hand reaching to cover his mouth full of food. "How'dya think of Barty and Snivvy getting into a fight today!" He squealed, laughing.

James seldom made fun of his peers, but when it came to his Slytherin counterparts, he could hardly resist.

Remus sat down, unable to look at anyone but Sirius. He hadn't noticed before, but the sweater fit him perfectly. The neckline fell just below his collarbones, and the sleeves fell to his fingers. Normally, he would throw a fit about his jumper being in the same vicinity as a plate of food, but something inside him decided he would let it be.

Sirius kicked his feet under the table, giggling along with the boy in front of him. "It was amazing! Snivellus brewed a potion that grew flowers out of Barty's head, but he brewed it wrong, and-"

Remus quit listening. He stared into Sirius' grey eyes and didn't look away.

"-Isn't that great, Moony?" James howled.

"Moony?"

Remus shook his head slightly, redirecting his sight.

"Yeah, sorry. That's funny." He said quietly.

James looked at him, puzzled. Unbeknownst, he had actually been confused for a while. His two best friends seemed close, closer than normal, but acted so odd in front of each other. It had gotten to the point where every time he'd look at one, they were always looking at the other.

"What took you so long to come down here?" James asked, his signature grin sparkling.

Remus felt a slight pink lurk over his cheeks. "Just... showering." He shrugged his question off, eager to change the subject. Sirius was looking down as well.

James' eyes shifted back and forth between the two, a smile creeping out from his teeth.

"You-"

"James." Remus recoiled, his eyes wide.

"You!- Really?" James shouted with glee. It was the exact opposite reaction he expected. It was a relief that someone finally knew.

"This is the best day of my life!"

Sirius wasn't listening. He was too busy flirting with the Hufflepuff girls who swarmed around him, giggling and touching him. their voices mimicked flies around a dead animal, buzzing and clinging to it.

Remus watched intently, being consumed by his own jealousy. The taste of blood filled his mouth, he let go of his sour tongue.

"Oh my," He turned his head. "Maybe not." James was watching as well.

"I wish they would just leave him alone."
Remus breathed out harshly, unable to get himself together and look away.

James' shoulders slumped down, taking Remus' conflict to heart. He opened his mouth and closed it again.

Remus' head tilted.

"So when you guys date, Sirius will still be my best friend, right?" He stuttered "Because i-"

Remus hushed him, slapping a hand on his shoulder.

"As long as you don't kiss him, mate."

Word count: 1083