Octo-Oneshots

Me and my OC in science class (based on a true story):

Teacher: (Insert my name here)! Gimme one property of Lithium.

Me (currently humming 'Teenage Anarchist' and drawing pictures of my OC blowing up the teacher's pet and caught off guard): Uhhhhh! *now would be a good time to help, Jane*.

Jane(appears out of no where in my mind): You called me?

Me: A little help would be nice now...

Jane: Hmm, leave it to me.

Me: I don't like where this is going.

Jane: And you shouldn't

Me: What?!

Jane: Nothing (feigns innocent look)

Me: Oh gosh.

Jane: So it's by Nirvana and it's one of the most epic song ever wri-

Me: Jane, why? You know for a fact he means the element.

Jane: Well ya gotta say something.

Me: I'm not saying that. That's just stupid.

Also me: It's in the key of D major...

Jane: Yay *round of applause* you did it!

Me: Well, the whole class is either laughing or confused, and the teacher's giving me a weird look, so I don't think I've done it RIGHT. Ohhh, and there he goes. Buttkisser's (name I made up for the teacher's pet) not gonna leave me alone after this one.

Jane: Then punch him in the face when he does start bothering you. No one's gonna have any evidence he's been punched anyways because his face's so ugly, no one's gonna notice.

Me: ...you have a point. Thanks, Saumensch.

*Squirt appears out of thin air*

Me: And where the frick have you been?! She just answered one of the teacher's surprise questions for me!

Squirt: Oh goodness. Forgive me; Did she-

Me: Yep, she did. All's forgiven, buddy. But really, where were you?

Squirt: Purging myself of HER idiocy. How the actual HELL did you miss this question?! I clearly remember us coming to an agreement that Lithium was an alkali metal that is extremely reactive!

Jane: Really? All I remember was the best nap of my life, and how am I stupid?!You're the one who thought siblings were 'delightful'!

Squirt: YOU think Lithium is a Nirvana song!

Jane: WELL IT IS!!!!!!!!

Squirt: IS NOT! IT'S AN ELEMENT!

Jane: IT IS TOO A NIRVANA SONG!

Me: Oh, f-. Here we go again. Hey, shut up both of you, please? We've got. *Does big brain math that I'm only capable of in this scenario.* 26 minutes of this class left.

Squirt: Wonderful. Let's listen so we don't miss anything important and have to rely on more unreliable sources again *gives Jane an extremely dirty look*.

Jane: I USED GOOGLE ONCE! OK, FIIIINE, I'll shut up.

Jane: Hey, doesn't it seem strange that Squirt knows all this stuff, but neither you, Koshi, Pinto, or I do?

Me: ... *rethinks everything*, *misses half of class*. Damn you, Pendeja.

  ——————Later in English——————
Koshi: *Walks in casually* Hello! What the actual HECK happened in here?

Me: You don't wanna know, baby girl.