ADDICTED - MATTHEO RIDDLE

I asked Pansy if she could tell Dumbledore I wasn't feeling well so I could stay in my room all day.

I did not lie, I am not feeling well.
My mom called me about an hour ago, to tell me that she doesn't want to speak to me ever again. It was stupid to think she was actually changing.
"You are a bloody disgrace to this family and I have just come to realize that!"
She shouted at me over the phone because our dog ate some of my pills or something. She thought I had been lying about staying clean.
The truth is, those pills were from before I overdosed. I forgot that they were even there, at least the dog is still alive and doing alright.

Pansy and Daphne will be coming to my dorm in half an hour so we can get ready together. I am not planning on getting drunk or doing anything crazy tonight but I know that I can't promise myself that I will behave because the chances I actually will are pretty slim.

Before they come over I shower and as I am blow drying my hair I hear a knock on the door, I quickly put on a bathrobe and open the door.

"Mattheo?"
"Snape had McGonagall dismiss class, so no detention. Thought I'd let you know." He says, that is so unnecessary.
"Alright, anything else?" I respond
"Actually yes, Pansy had me tell you she will be here in half an hour."
"She should have been here five minutes ago, where is she?" I question.
"Promised not to tell." He responds
"Draco's dorm right?." I say as I walk back into my room after I attempted to close the door but Mattheo keeps it open with his foot and walks in.
"How did you know?" He asks as he closes the door before sitting down on my sofa.
"It's so obvious." I chuckle

He keeps quiet
"Do you mind if I smoke?" He asks
"Of course not, as long as you share." I say as I sit down next to him.
"Can't do that." He says, whatever
"Your mother called Dumbledore."
"I hate that woman." I reply as I roll my eyes "how do you even know that?"
"I overheard." He clearly lies.
"So spill, what did they say?"
"It was about uhm..." he says awkwardly.
"Spit it out Riddle." I say growing more inpatient by the second.
"Your... addiction." He mumbles.
"For Merlin's sake, she is really getting on my nerves." I say as I stand up and pace through the room.
"Why do you use?" He asks
"Honestly it's none of your business, and I have been clean for almost two months now." I say trying to stay calm, as I walk towards my door and open it, he needs to leave now.
"I'll see you at the party." He says before leaving my room.
I slam the door shut and sit down against it, hugging my knees.

If Riddle tells anyone people will think I'm a junkie all over again.
Why did she have to call?
Why did she have to ruin everything for me again?

I try not to cry as I stand up and walk over to my bedside table, I grab my cigarettes and a lighter before opening the window and sitting down on the couch in front of it.

I light a cigarette as I grab the phone I hid under the rug and I call my mother.

It rings twice before she picks up.
"Was I not clear?" She questions
"You just ruined my life." I say coldly
"So it's my fault again? As always? I am not the one that overdosed Zia!" She shouts, that's just low.
"You know mom, I used to really look up to you, admire you." I say with watery eyes "but right now I don't even recognize the mother I thought you were. You are a complete fucking stranger mom, New York changed you."
"For the better, we were miserable when we lived in England, New York had so much opportunities for both of us. Don't blame me for the fact that I grabbed them with both hands and you didn't." She answers with anger in her voice.
"I shouldn't have called, goodbye mom." I say before hanging up the phone.

When I met her after four years in foster care I thought that she was the best person in the world and the best thing was that she was going to be my mother.
After twelve years of her being my mother, I now know that she is a narcissist that doesn't care about her own child.
She acts as if she does, she acts like she's changed and then she stops being a mother again and she goes back to her fake life in New York.
Because the truth is, we were a very poor family in the poor parts of London. She was rich when she adopted me but she started gambling after which she went bankrupt and we had to move.
It was not only incredibly dirty and dangerous but it was also scary for a seven year old girl to live with just her mom, who was very beautiful.
It was hard for me growing up, it may look like I had the perfect life back in New York but I came from nothing.
The truth is that growing up I had it far from perfect.

I just wish my mom would understand that I do appreciate her for the things she did for me, but that I just also need her love, I need her to be a mother. I need her to change and every time I hope she does she just falls back into her old pattern.
And even though I know exactly what she's going to do every time she acts nice, I tell myself it will be different each time.
Not because I'm naïve, I just want to have a good relationship with my mother.

After a few cigarettes and some tears rolling down my cheeks Pansy walks into my room.
"Hi! I brought some things, also I would love to see this dress on you." She says excitedly as she puts the things down on the bed before looking at me.
"Oh my god, are you alright?" She questions as she faces me.
"Fine, just a fight with my mom." I say with a smile, she hugs me and tells me parents are annoying, she probably has nice parents.
"How were things with Draco?" I ask with a grin.
"We are just friends." She says "how did you even know?"
"It is so obvious Pans." I reply as I hand her a cigarette and I light mine.
"We should get wasted tonight, forget about everything." I suggest
"Sounds like a great plan." She says smiling before taking a hit after which Daphne walks in.