The way that it should have been

Chapter 30

"We can for a while, from the very worst of it at least. But eventually it will all break through completely."

"How can I protect my baby girl babushka?" My oldest sestra was now on the very verge of sobbing with worry for my little niece. (grandmother, sister)

"We will contact Oksana and ask her to charm some jewelry for Zoya. She will have to wear a piece of charmed jewelry for the rest of her life just to keep the very worst of it at bay. At least until she can handle it mentally and emotionally. When God decides that she can handle the worst of it, then it will all break through regardless of the protective precautions that we take. We just have to make sure that she is ready for that when it comes through to her. And that she is able to know and understand just how to deal with it. We should also ask Oksana to charm Roza some protective jewelry as well. Jewelry that will protect her from the land of the dead trying to pull her back there when she is outside the wards. And from her bond mate's darkness as well as the malevolent ghosts."

"What do you mean babushka?" Sonja asked our babushka. (grandmother, grandmother)

"You all know that Roza was brought back to life with the use of spirit magic. Which as you all now know is called being shadow kissed."

My family and I all nodded.

"Well, anytime that Roza is outside of the wards not only will and do the dead try to reclaim her. But she will be in truly horrific pain because she is fighting a constant battle and trying to keep the land of the dead from reclaiming her. She has been in pain since she left the academy, but she doesn't let it show. She never lets it show unless it gets so bad that it takes complete control of her, or on occasion she passes out. Her mind, when she is outside of the wards, is in a constant horrendous painful and bloody mess. And I don't mean the blood that is in everyone's brain, I mean she is constantly waging a mental war for her sanity and coherent grip on reality. Being inside the wards are only a short respite for the pain, anguish and war to keep living and ability to remain sane."

"My God, poor Roza!! It just never stops for her does it babushka?" (grandmother)

"Nyet Karo, not since she became shadow kissed, and now it never will. Oh, don't get me wrong, being inside the wards is a small, short respite for her. The wards block the dead from trying to reclaim her, if the wards are strong then they are able to block the ghosts from getting inside and they also block a very large portion of the voices...." (no)

"Voices?" My sestry, my mother and I all asked. (sisters)

"Roza can hear and speak to anyone in the world, at any time, even if she doesn't know them. She can always hear what anyone and everyone is thinking at any given time. And if she speaks to them and wants them to then they can speak back to her, mentally. Being inside the wards let's her drop a large portion of the mental barrier that she keeps up while she is outside of the wards. She can't drop it completely because she would still be able to hear everything that everyone inside the wards are thinking. So, she never gets to truly relax, rest and let go."

"God, how does that not drive her completely mad? I mean hearing what everyone in the world is thinking all of the time... it has to make her crazy. Never having a clear mind, time to herself, blessed silence and a moments rest. I just don't see how she does it." Sonja asked before expanding on her question. My sestra Sonja's opinion on Roza has changed greatly since the day that we all met her. And I for one am very glad of that because I could tell, that very first day, just what a good person that Roza is. And given just how much that I love both my sestra Sonja and my sestra in law Roza I would have hated having to pick a side. Because, as I said, I love them both sooo much.

"She has had to build her mental walls up high and thick enough to where she can block as many people out as possible and as I said being inside the wards helps to block even more. Hearing all of those voices in her head causes her terrible migraines. If she concentrates on a specific person she can hear exactly what they are thinking. Otherwise, it all just a jumble, like having a million different radios on. She can't make out any of it specifically."