When You Know

One day. Murphy sat in front of her opened laptop, cross legged on Harry's bed and doing absolutely nothing. The list of jobs she had to do was extensive, but making a start on any one of them would be admitting it was almost time to go. A part of her hoped that once Harry left for Christmas in two days time, the motivation would suddenly find her and she could have everything finished by the end of Christmas Day.

But as she looked around his room, her heart pounded in her chest. The bed was cluttered with half-filled travel documents that she'd neglected and clothes Harry had thrown with the vague intention of packing them once he arrived back from filming. Her arm still burned from the number of vaccinations she'd had a few days prior, the only thing she'd actually remembered to book and take care of. Everything was becoming too much, the weight of it crushing. Murphy had planned everything to a tee before, making sure everything was done several months in advance, but now it seemed as if she had let everything slip through her fingers.

'Does Megan just live with me now? Is that what's happened?' Harry threw open his bedroom door, somewhere between annoyed and amused. As soon as he landed on the bed beside her, all Murphy's worries snapped out of existence. 'You know she's washing her clothes here now?'

'She's here as much as I am, isn't she?' Murphy tried to catch up with what he was saying.

'It's not the point, you're fine. You can stay, she,' he jabbed a finger towards his now closed door. 'She can go back to wherever she came from.'

'You know she's from Dublin, right?' Murphy laughed.

'Good, she can live there then can't she,' he huffed. 'Can we not send her out on tour instead of you?'

'I wish,' she moaned. Lying on her back, Murphy rolled into Harry's side. The worries were coming back thick and fast and she wanted to hide her face before they began displaying themselves through worries etched in the corner of her eyes. Neither of them had to say a word, the day they'd been silently avoiding was just a few hours away and nothing could be said or done to delay it. They stayed like that, silent, for hours. At one point, Murphy was certain they'd fallen asleep, though whatever dream she had had blended so seamlessly into the next day that it wasn't perfectly clear. Everything was a haze, somewhere in the valley between absolute bliss and complete loneliness.

'I didn't even ask what you're doing for Christmas,' Harry eventually muttered, more so to himself. The question came out of nowhere and he found himself a little embarrassed that he'd not asked it sooner. 'Do you go back to Newcastle? Or...anywhere?'

'No,' Murphy tensed for just a second. 'No Christmas, just me, Megan and a bottle of wine.'

'Are you both orphans or something?' He asked, watching the expression on his girlfriend's face slip from amusement to a false sadness. 'No, you're not doing that again.'

'Doing what?' She pouted.

'That...right there,' he pointed, lifting her chin slightly as he stepped forward. 'You think it's funny and it's not, it's like, cruelty.'

'What, you're the one who asked if I was an orphan, it was right there, I couldn't not.' She pushed away his hand gently, finding it adorable that he'd caught onto her humour already. 'My parents are both alive and well, they're just...busy.'

Harry felt like an idiot, regretting even bringing it up. It should have been obvious to him, especially with how much Murphy had shared the other night after the party. She'd talked about work, her friends, her goals, but never once mentioned her parents.

'My dad's a musician, he plays with Hans Zimmer's orchestra so I see him a few times a year if I'm working in the same country,' Murphy started, as if she was covering for the awkwardness that had draped itself over the two of them. It was clear how many happy memories she had, a small smile tugging at the corner of her mouth. 'He's great, he just...yeah. He stopped being a musician to drag me up, so he uses Christmas to see his family and friends. He always asks me of course, but...yeah,' she laughed awkwardly again. 'I feel like I owe him that bit of space at least.'