Made to be Mine

"Celestia, will you please stop crying?" Inabutan akong muli ng tissue ni Chantelle habang nakaupo pa rin ako sa couch at nakasiksik sa gilid. Hindi ko na rin alam kung ilang box na ba ng tissue ang nauubos ko sa pag-iyak.

I was also getting impatient that these damn tears wouldn't stop from falling!

I tried stopping it already.

I tried controlling myself to not cry again, but the pain was just too much. The pain was so overwhelming that I wasn't able to control anything.

"Come on, Celestia. He's not worth it, you know that, right?" Tumabi rin sa akin si Arianne at hinawakan ang kamay ko. "Why do you keep on wasting your tears for someone like him? Sa tagal ng relasyon n'yo, palagi ka lang naman niloloko n'on, e..."

I looked at her and what she said didn't really help me calm down. Para bang sa sinabi niya sa akin ay mas lalo ko lang naramdaman ang sakit sa dibdib ko.

Muli akong humagulgol habang nakayakap ako sa sarili ko. Nananakit na rin ang mga mata ko sa pag-iyak, nananakit na ang ulo ko, ang dibdib ko... but I didn't know what to do anymore.

I felt like I had been continuously getting stabbed at my chest and I had no strength to make it stop.

That's the thing about this pain I was feeling right now. It felt like I had no strength at all to get back up and continue what I was doing even before. All that I could think of was the pain...

How it consumed me...

How it's starting to take all the best of me.

It has been three days already since he broke up with me... It has been three days since I questioned my worth, my value, myself. I kept asking myself what I did wrong.

Saan ba ako nagkulang sa kaniya?

Saan ba ako sumobra?

Ano'ng mali sa akin?

Bakit hindi ako ang pinili niya?

I had no appetite to eat or move or anything. They literally dragged me to go with them now since they're so worried that I'd die.

Kahit ilang beses kong sabihin sa sarili ko na wala na kaming dalawa ni Ysmael, hindi ko pa rin matanggap. Hindi ko matanggap kung gaano kadali sa kaniyang itapon ang walong taon naming dalawa. Kung paanong napakadali lang sa kaniya na iwanan ako na para bang wala akong halaga sa kaniya.

"Celestia," muling nagsalita si Chantelle at naupo na rin sa tabi ko. "You should eat and drink, you know? Para may lakas ka pa para umiyak pa rin diyan," deretsong sabi nito sa akin at umiling-iling. Sa aming tatlo, si Chantelle ang pinakaprangka pagdating sa mga bagay-bagay. She always speaks her mind even if that means we will get hurt.

Arianne, on the other hand, was the softer one. She always cheers us up and she's always willing to listen to us.

"I just... I don't know what I did to get hurt like this..." I looked at her and cried. "I don't even know what went wrong..." I looked down and looked at my fingers. "We were okay... We're fine. I know we're happy... and then suddenly..."

"Because he doesn't love you," sabi nito sa akin at hinawakan ang kamay ko. "If he does love you, you're not here crying. You're with him, smiling, laughing, making memories. But he doesn't love you, that's why you're hurt now..."

I looked at her and sobbed. I nodded my head and continued to sob.

I knew that...

"Am I that easy to let go of?" I looked at her and asked her. Hindi nakapagsalita si Chantelle habang nakatingin sa akin. "Am I that easy to dump?" Nagyuko ako habang parang ang bawat tanong na sinasabi ko ay nagmimistulang kutsilyong bumabaon sa dibdib ko.