Made to be Mine

I heard my phone ringing when I came out from the bathroom. Pinupunasan ko ang buhok ko nang naglakad ako papunta sa lamesa kung saan ko iniwan iyon at napahinto rin ako kaagad nang makita ko ang pangalan ni Chantelle sa screen ng telepono ko.

I messaged her and Arianne earlier. Sinabi ko sa mga ito na nasa bahay ako. Hindi na ako nagbigay ng ibang detalye pa rito tungkol sa nangyari sa akin kagabi...

Kinuha ko na lang din kaagad ang phone ko at sinagot ang tawag ng kaibigan ko. Alam ko naman na hindi rin niya ako titigilan ngayon.

"Where were you last night?" bungad ni Chantelle nang sagutin ko ang tawag niya. Naupo ako sa couch na nasa kuwarto ko at sumandal doon.

"I... went home..." pagsisinungaling ko rito. Hindi ko alam kung masasabi ko ba sa kanila ang nangyari sa akin sa bar na iyon. I didn't even know where to begin.

Kanina ko pa rin iniisip kung ano ba ang nangyari. Yes, I was a bit drunk when I went to the ladies' room. I met that guy at the counter, and I drank his drink!

After that, I was so dizzy already. Iniisip ko pa nga kung may drugs ba sa ininom ko kaya ganoon na lang ang hilo ko kagabi.

Maybe that guy really drugged me to do those things to me...

But... I remembered hugging him... and telling him not to stop what he was doing...

I closed my eyes and shook my head vehemently.

"Damn it," I hissed and breathed heavily.

"What? Celestia, what really happened to you?" tanong ni Chantelle sa akin. Nawala sa isip ko na nasa kabilang linya pa rin pala ang babae. I just heaved a sigh again and tried to calm myself.

"I'm really fine, Chantelle. I felt dizzy last night so I went out, there was a taxi so I got in and went home... I'm sorry..." I bit my lip after. Gusto kong sabunutan ang sarili ko dahil sa nangyari.

"Are you sure? Are you okay now?" she asked me again and I nodded my head. "Yes, yes, though I am still sleepy. I will just call you back later, okay? Love you," I told her and ended the call. Ibinalik ko sa lamesa ang cellphone ko at muling isinandal ang sarili sa couch habang pilit na inaalala rin ang mga nangyari.

So, I remembered him kissing me... and I kissed him back!

Then... we were on the couch. I was sitting on him...

"Oh, my God!" I covered my face with my hands when those memories kept flashing on my head. I have never done that before!

Kahit kay Ysmael ay hindi ko pa nagagawa ang bagay na iyon. We kissed, yes... He kissed my neck, yes... but I never sat on him!

We never had sex...

And I just did it with a stranger!

I still couldn't believe how reckless I was, though I really couldn't blame anyone else. It was my own choice to do those things. I was too tired to think straight, to think clearly.

I let my emotions decide for me, and where did it get me? Having sex with someone I didn't even know the name of. I didn't even know if he's clean or what. I didn't even know him at all.

I could still remember his tattoo, though.

It was a tribal designed tattoo with a sun on it... Nagsimula ang tattoo nito sa kaliwang dibdib papunta sa may braso nito. Half sleeve lang din iyon.

"You're really crazy, Celestia," mahinang sabi ko sa sarili ko nang sumuko na rin akong isipin kung nabanggit ba ng lalaki ang pangalan nito dahil alam kong hindi...

Besides, why would I want to know his name? Mas mabuti pa ngang hindi na kami magtagpong dalawa dahil nakakahiya ang mga nangyari. Mas mabuting hindi na namin makita ang isa't isa.