Push and Pull (Sirius Black X Reader)

I wake up enveloped in Sirius' arms.

It takes me a moment to process that fact, a moment in which I stare at the arm slung over my waist, the hand brushing over my belly. A light dusting of hair, sinewy muscle along a forearm, familiar hands tipped in black polish, and the previous day comes rushing back in a tidal wave.

Kisses. A lot of kisses. Confessions. Wandering hands. Shed clothes.

And pain.

I didn't expect the pain.

No one ever told me that my first time was going to hurt. That there would be blood. That it wouldn't feel good at all. No one told me that it would be so unnatural. That he would struggle so much to fit.

Everyone lied.

But it was fine, I guess. The parts that were okay were truthfully better than okay. A couple of times, his hands brushed a spot that might have felt nice, and I liked the feeling of his body pressed close to mine, the human warmth of him. I liked when he made sounds and when he had to pull himself away, although it hurt when he pulled out of me and that was when I noticed the blood.

I can't believe that people do this. That they rave about it. I've done a thousand things that preferred to whatever happened last night.

I trace my fingers over his arm, still in disbelief that it's wrapped around me. That he loves me.

James is going to flip.

Sirius makes a sound and his arm tightens around me, pulling me toward his body. I can feel that he's hard against my butt even though I don't know that he's fully awake yet.

He cleaned us up last night and then cuddled close to me, and he said, "I'm sorry it wasn't good."

"It was fine," I whispered as if speaking the lie quieter negated it.

"It'll be better next time," he said. "Promise."

I can't imagine how it would feel good. Even when the pain receded in little waves, it still didn't feel nice. At best, it felt like nothing. But it was mostly pain.

"Good morning," he mumbles into my ear, dropping a kiss on the back of my neck. "Feeling okay?"

"Yeah. You?"

"I feel like I want to stay here with you all day." He kisses the same spot again, but his arm loosens.

"Where are you going?" I ask as he pushes himself from bed, turning to face him with what might be a pout on my face.

"I'll be right back," he says and disappears into the bathroom. I wait impatiently, flipping onto my back with a sigh, staring at the ceiling above.

I feel strange between my legs. Not much pain anymore, not really. But not quite normal. And there's a little cramp somewhere deep in my belly. I don't know if it has anything to do with the night before.

I hear the creak of the door opening, and Sirius emerges. He smiles at me and approaches the bed, arms braced against the mattress on either side of my head, and then he lowers his body down, slotting between my thighs. He presses a trail of quick kisses down my cheek and along my jaw, and then he kisses my nose. I grin despite myself and slide my fingers up his bare back. He finishes his attack with a loud kiss to my forehead, and then he pulls back to meet my eyes.

"Are you sore or anything?" he asks.

"Not really. Just feels a little weird," I tell him, tracing my fingers up and down his side. The muscles in his belly contract when my hand gets closer to his axilla.