Push and Pull (Sirius Black X Reader)

Chapter 16

"Huh?" I ask, too flustered at the sound of his strained words to process what he's said.

"Do you know of any prophecies—" a grunt— "he's trying to get rid of?" He finishes his set and lies back on the floor, breathing heavily. "Maybe you can mention them specifically to make sure people know what's at stake."

"Maybe...Yeah, I like that a lot. That's really—Thank you, Sirius."

He grins and flips over, beginning pushups. The sounds he makes during this round aren't any less suggestive to my filthy ears, and I find myself blushing even harder, struggling to focus on what I've already written, not even trying to formulate any new thoughts with how distracted I already am. I watch him discreetly from the corner of my eye and scold myself. I feel dirty thinking of something so innocent on his part as something sexual, and shame only further heats my cheeks as I try to look anywhere but at his arms, which are beginning to regain some of their definition from the months he's been out of Azkaban and working on regaining weight and muscle.

I can feel a pulse between my legs, and I immediately feel even guiltier. I stand abruptly and grab my things, hurrying up the staircase to my room, ignoring his voice as he calls out my name. I shut my bedroom door behind me and dump my work on my desk, sitting on the edge of my bed facing the door. I stare at it with wide eyes, still hot all over, ashamed and embarrassed. I feel terrible for thinking this way and blame it on my unintentional abstinence. It had been a couple of months for me, and how many had it been since I was actually satisfied by sex? If I just...sorted myself out, then it probably wouldn't be an issue anymore. Just get it out of my system, and then...Maybe?

But I can't, not when I know Sirius is here. When he can hear or, God forbid, walk in on me. I can't. I rub my thighs together uncomfortably, feeling too warm. 

At the same time...Sirius never just barges into my room without knocking, and it isn't like I was terribly loud...

No. I bury my face in my hands. 

What a mess.

I force myself up and decide to shower. Showering is an age-old solution to these sorts of problems. With shaking hands, I throw my door open and dart into the bathroom, immediately turning on the water and stripping down. As soon as the water reaches a bearable temperature, I step into the shower, turning my face up toward the showerhead to let the water clear my head. I do my best not to think about Sirius as I wash my hair and my body, and the ache inside of me gradually weans until I no longer feel any sort of temptation, just a burning twinge of shame.

I remain in the shower for longer than necessary before climbing out and wrapping myself in a towel. The air chills my wet skin, so I waste no time, stepping out of the bathroom and into the hallway. 

"Fuck, sorry—"

I jump when I hear Sirius' voice, nearly losing hold of my towel. He's a little way down the hallway, positioned between me and my room. I meet his eyes, and I'm not sure whose are open wider. He deliberately looks away as I rush past him, pulling my towel tighter around my body. I shut myself in my room, leaning against the door once I'm safely inside. Any of the shame I managed to wash off in the shower has returned, and I bite down on my lip as I listen. After a few moments, I hear his footsteps moving away from my room. His door opens and then closes. Opens again, and then the bathroom door shuts. 

The shower turns on.

I force myself away from the door, purposefully making as much noise as possible as I rifle through my clothes if only to block out the sound of the running shower, wondering if he could be showering for the same reason I did. Which, of course he isn't. Because he was working out, so he's probably sweaty and in need of a shower, and—

I close my eyes tightly. Picturing Sirius covered in sweat or in the shower isn't particularly helpful to me. 

I collapse onto my bed with a sigh.

***

I'm huddled under a pile of blankets when I hear Sirius near my door. I'm not sure why either of us bothers knocking when the wood flooring betrays us every time, but I don't say anything or move before he knocks. He cracks the door open but doesn't enter, asking, "Can I come in?"

"Yeah."

Sirius pushes the door open the rest of the way and enters the room, shutting the door behind him. He smiles and sits on the edge of my bed. I continue hiding beneath my blankets. "You in there?" he asks and tilts his head so that our faces are at the same angle. I nod.

Sirius looks toward the door and sighs quietly. "I wanted to apologize for earlier," he says.

"What for?"

"Well..."

"For being in the hallway of your own home?" I ask and emerge from my nest, shedding layers of blankets as I sit up. "No big deal."

"I know that. You seemed embarrassed is all."

"Of course I was. That doesn't mean you have to apologize. You didn't do anything wrong."

"I still felt bad."

I take a moment to collect my thoughts. It's hard to be honest with him while I'm looking at his face, so I look out the window as I speak. "I knew when I agreed to live here that it wasn't going to be easy. You and I have a lot of history, so it makes sense that things can be a little weird, right?"

"I suppose so."

"But we should make them less weird if we can."

"Yeah. Of course."

I offer a timid smile. He matches it and stands before he holds a hand out to me. I meet his eyes, furrowing my eyebrows.

"Ready for dinner?"

"Sure," I say and place my hand in his. He hauls me out of my den, and I clumsily land on my feet beside him.

Maybe things will be okay after all.