Bittersweet Chaos

I close up the last box, sealing it with tape. I take one last look at my now barren room, amazed that I have been able to pack up my whole life into several boxes. The floor now looks empty, unrecognizable as it is no longer cluttered with items scattered across it. My walls that used to be filled from floor to ceiling with posters are now empty, the worn and peeling paint exposed. I take one last look before I pick up the last box and head out of the now empty room, heading towards the front door of the house.

I travel through the house with the box in my hands, taking everything in as I walk. I pass pictures of me growing up hanging on the wall, pictures all the way from when I was a baby to my high school graduation and everything in between. I try not to stop and dwell, knowing it will make it harder to leave. As soon as I walk outside I am enveloped with warm air hitting my face. I stop briefly and close my eyes to breathe in the air, knowing I will miss the heat and atmosphere of my home state of Tampa Bay, Florida. As I walk to my car, I look around and take in the Palm Trees, not knowing when I will see them again. I finally reach my Honda, loading the last box into my car and closing the door. My car is packed to the brim, my trunk and back seat completely full of boxes and my belongings. I can feel sweat dripping down my back from hauling boxes all morning, my clothes clinging to me from both the sweat and humidity. I can already feel soreness in my muscles from all the heavy lifting setting in. I use my hand to wipe the damp hair from my forehead, the humidity making my hair stick to me.

The car is now all packed, declaring me officially all ready to leave. Realization hits me, this is it. I am leaving home. I walk away from my car and up the driveway towards my parents who are standing at the top of the driveway, their arms wrapped around each other. Once I reach them I can already see tears start to form in my mother's eyes. I pull them both in close for a hug, saying goodbye. I can feel my emotions start to overwhelm me, the fear of leaving home creeping in. The fear that this could be a mistake is screaming at me, echoing loudly in my head. Insecurities are screaming at me, telling me to stay. But I ignore it, preparing myself to leave.

"I'll call you guys every few hours. And once I get there I will FaceTime you. I promise I will call you guys so much you won't even notice that I don't live here anymore." I promise not only to my parents, but also to myself. I've never lived outside of my home town and have never left home before. I have lived at home with my parents for all of my twenty one years, even in college. Up until now. Not only am I moving out of the house, but I'm moving hours away to a different state, miles and hours away.

"You know you are always welcome to come back home, Taryn." I hear my mom say. I look at her face to see the sadness in her eyes. This not only is a big moment for me, but also for my parents. I'm an only child, so it's always been my parents and I. It's a huge change for both of us.

I squeeze both of my parents tighter and squeeze my eyes closed, not ready to say goodbye. "I promise I'll call you everyday and text you nonstop." I promise again. I eventually find the strength the release my parents, knowing it's time for me to leave. I also know if I don't find the strength now, I never will. My dad, being the typical dad, spends the next ten minutes giving me safety tips. "Now remember. Always pay attention to your surroundings. Always carry your pepper spray with you. Don't forget to change your oil and rotate your tires, I won't be there to do it for you. But more than anything, you can always call me kiddo, no matter how far away you are and no matter what time it is." I smile sadly at my dad, once again questioning my decision to move so far away. My parents and I have always been very close. How am I suppose to live so far away from them? How will I survive without them?

I get in my car and buckle up, turning the car on. I take a deep breath in and exhale, taking one last look at my childhood home and my parents before I put the car in reverse, backing out of the driveway. My gaze travels up, looking in the mirror as I leave my only home in the rearview. I embark on the twenty four hour drive, driving across the country, to embark on my new journey, leaving everything I know behind me.