Jenna Ortega Imagines ??

Y/N's POV:

It was a gnawing feeling. I yearned for a reason to get out of bed after spending weeks on end in it. I didn't move, I didn't shower, I barely ate, but even when I was in it, I barely slept. None of this was Jenna's fault, not one bit, she couldn't help but be away on jobs. If it was her way, she'd bring me everywhere with her. Unfortunately it doesn't work like that.

Most months when she's gone, I'd wallow away in my own self pity. When it came to seeing people, I'd change my voice to sound more cheerful when it reality, I wanted to sleep forever. When Jenna would leave for filming, we both knew it would be bad sometimes. I was diagnosed with chronic depression about a year ago and it takes a heavy toll on my mental health.

But I didn't want her career or her talents to be held back by me of all people. I get that I'm a priority to her but I wasn't going to let my depression get in the way of that.

She deserved someone better than me... I used to say that all the time when we were six months into our relationship. But she stuck by me and now we're running strong of three years. Sometimes I had episodes where I'd fall into a spiral of the same shit everyday.

Wake up, eat, sleep, do it all again. It got tiring — even if it was as simple as that most days. I got frustrated with myself for feeling that way. Jenna would tell me that it was just how my brain was — it technically wasn't my fault that my mental health is like a rollercoaster sometimes. Steady, up, down.

But most nights — when she's gone — I'd lay in bed by myself; feeling totally worthless. I wasn't a bad girlfriend, I was just bad at expressing how I felt. I was bad at asking for help when my brain thought I didn't need it. I spent most nights just crying: my own tears soaked my shirts and skin when I hurled my knees up to my chest, curling into a ball as I let my emotions out. It was either bottle them up or cry them out alone.

I was just mentally drained and physically tired. No matter how much I slept, no matter how many naps I took, or no matter how early I went to be: I. Always. Felt. Exhausted.

But I guess that's just how it's been for me, a normal feeling since I turned 15. I was destined to be tired forever. Now the only thing that gets me out of bed is my girlfriend, without Jenna, I... don't think I'd be here, in all honesty.

I felt broken without her and felt at home when I was around her. I never want to lose her, I hope I never lose her.

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A/N:
How is my late night gang?
This is kinda a vent post so enjoy loves. Make sure to get some rest, eat, drink water. My dms are always open to you guys if you ever need me, don't forget that <3