Except one

Some time has passed and Alexia and I were very happy. We did everything together. I moved in with Alexia and I never felt happier than I felt at that moment. But that feeling passed.

With the important and difficult upcoming games, Alexia got more closed off. More than she did normally. Every time she would lash out there would come an extra cut in my heart. Every time she would sleep downstairs, away from me, I felt a piece in my heart break. Every time I was afraid this would all come to an end. And it did.

I couldn't do it any longer. With the important Champions League game against Chelsea, I needed to be focused, motivated, determined. Normally, Alexia would give me all of that, but I don't think Alexia could give it herself. I felt bad for her of course, but feeling bad for her, ruined me. And I promised myself I wouldn't let that happen again. And I kept that promise this time.

I moved back with Lucy and Ona. They were there for me since me and Alexia broke up. It is two days before the game against Chelsea, the half final. I felt nervous. Not only for the result of the game, but also for my performance. In these kind of games, you need to be on your best. You can't make too many mistakes, or you're out. You have to be confident. And I am none on this moment.

I arrive at the training grounds and move into the equipment tent. I saw Keira and Aitana juggling together and smiled. I went over to the bikes and hopped on one, with Lucy on my other side. I was talking to her and Claudia, who was stretching, when Alexia walked in. I didn't notice at first but when Lucy and Claudia got quiet I looked her way and saw her. The rest of the practice I was silent. Closed off. At the end, everyone goes home to relax. Tomorrow is rest day and I will take it. Lucy cooked some rice and chicken for me and Ona. I sit at the dinner table and move my food around on my plate with my fork.

''It's getting cold you know..?''

I heard Lucy her voice and looked up. I felt guilty for not eating her food while she cooked for me, so I give her a small smile and take a tiny bite. I feel nauseous immediately. I push the plate away and walk upstairs. I take a boiling hot shower while listening to Taylor Swift her new album. 'So long, London' is playing while I'm humming along. I go to bed and dream. About no one less than Alexia Putellas. Fuck.

The next morning I wake up by the smell of eggs. I get into my Barça tracksuit. I go downstairs and Ona and Lucy say hi to me. I sit down at the table and we eat breakfast with the three of us. When I was living with Alexia, she would make some nice toast or salad every morning with a delicious smoothie. I called it the Reina smoothie. God I miss it.

Lucy and Ona go on a walk with Narla, so I'm all alone. I go upstairs after I did the dishes and get a call from Beth. I put on a smile and pick up. I see her and Viv on the screen.

''Hey yazzieeee!! –''

Her smile fades when she sees my fake one. She sighs.

''Please stop this and get back with her already.. I can feel the sadness through the phone. And that's a loooong way''

I smile a little at her little explanation and shake my head. Viv smiled a bit hurt. I know she just got back from her ACL and already needed another surgery. I change the subject.

''How are you doing Vivvy?''

She smiles and nods. Viv always is very closed off about how she is feeling and her emotions. Luckily she feels safe enough with Beth and me to just speak openly about it.

''It's getting better, but I have been better..''

I nod because I know how it feels. I also thought me and Alexia were getting better, but look where we are now. We're not better. We're worse.

I talk to them a little longer and then I hang up the phone and go downstairs. Just as I am on the stairs, the doorbell goes. I open the door and receive flowers from a kind old lady. I close the door again and look at the little card on it.

'TO: Mi Estrella

FROM: ...'

I smile because I know who this is. I am only one person's star. I am Alexia her star. I was Alexia her star. I see the date and get hurt again. 29-3-24. The flowers got delayed. For a moment, I was happy again. It didn't last long.

The thing with happiness is that it comes so quickly but fades even faster. It takes something big and meaningful to stay happy. The same goes for love. The beginning is easy.. the longer it takes the more challenges you face. It becomes a race and before you know it, the love for each other goes up in flames.

I put the flowers in the bin and go to bed. Listening to music as I fall asleep. That is the only thing that keeps my mind neat. Tomorrow is a big day. Tomorrow, I am going to shine brighter than all stars. There is only one star. That one star is me.

Fuck I miss her. 

Guys I apologise for just dissapearing like this. I had it so busy with work, trainings, physio, all the reasons.. BARCA IS THROUGH TO THE CL FINAL!!!!! God the way I screamed when Rölfo scored the penalty.. we're facing LYON but I think if we are on our best, we are going to win! VISCA BARCA!! Okay, I came back with drama, because I love it :)! I AM SO PROUD OF MY LITTLE RIME HAHAHA I was surprised that those words flew out of my fingers, like what? Buttttt, I don't know when the next chapter is coming, I think somewhere this week :) 

ALMOST FORGOT, BARCA LA LIGA CAMPIONES ONCE AGAIN!!! AHHHHH

Okay, let me know what u guys think about the chapter :)) Love you all XX

(I LOVE TAYLOR'S NEW ALBUM LIKE WHY IS IT SO RELATABLE???!)

(also, go follow my tiktok account: Alexia_p11)