Except one

''Querida Yazmín,

Esta carta, de tu madre, es para informarte de la pérdida de papá.

Papá ha tenido un accidente de coche mientras se dirigía a Londres. Para verte. Para pedirte su perdón. Me quedé en casa porque simplemente no tenía nada que decirte. Cuando escuché la noticia, volé a Londres para ocuparme de todo. Tu padre te dejó bastante dinero. Yo me ocuparé de todo, así que no te preocupes por el pago o la planificación del funeral.

Sé que nuestra relación ha sido muy complicada. Realmente no teníamos una relación. Aún así, quiero invitarte al funeral de papá. Él siempre te ha amado, mi amor. Y yo también. Tenía demasiado miedo de admitirlo.

Tenía miedo cuando estaba embarazada de ti. Tenía miedo de decepcionarte. Como madre y como persona. Sé que me arrepiento de ser como era. Llegaste allí, sin mí y sin papá. Estamos increíblemente orgullosos de ti, hermosa.

Me gustaría asistir pronto a uno de tus juegos. Si aceptaras eso, por supuesto. También entiendo perfectamente si el terreno de juego es lo único que te distrae de nuestra situación. Te amo, mi hermoso ángel, y tu papá también.

Él te está protegiendo desde allá arriba. Con todo el amor que puedo dar, Tu mama. ''

(Dear Yazmin,

This letter, from your mother, is to inform you of the loss of papa.

Papa has had an accident in the car while being on his way to London. To see you. To ask you for his forgiveness. I stayed home, because I simply had nothing to say to you. When I heard the news, I flew to London to deal with everything. Your father left you quite some money. I will deal with everything, so don't worry about the payment or planning of the funeral.

I know our relationship has been very complicated. We did not really have a relationship. Still, I want to invite you to the funeral of papa. He has always loved you, my love. And so did I. I was just to scared to admit it.

I was scared when I was pregnant of you. I was scared I would disappoint you. As a mother and as a person. I know regret for being the way I was. You got there, without me and without papa. We are incredibly proud of you, beautiful.

I would like to attend one of your games soon. If you would accept that, of course. I also completely understand if the pitch is the only thing that takes your mind off our situation. I love you, my beautiful angel, and so did your papa.

He is protecting you from up there.

With all love I can possible give, your mama.)

All I wanted was to go home, so we did. The car drive was silent. Alexia did not know what to say or how to comfort me, because I also had no idea how. This all was so overwhelming.

We arrived home and Alexia first took Nala for a walk. I wondered why she went away so quickly. She had been gone some time while I was reading the letter and talking to Ona and Lucy, but I thought it was Jona or Aitana who called. Was it Jona or Aitana?

Around twenty minutes later, she arrived back and I was showering at that moment. I heard some stumbling noises in the room. Soon after that, she opened the door and mentioned she was going to the gym. I was surprised and a bit hurt by her actions. It almost seemed like she just abandoned me in this situation.

I decide to go out with some teammates. I wanted to get my mind off things. I drove to Claudia her house and Salma, Aitana, Pina, Lucy and Ona were also there. We got ready together and then took a cab to the city of Barcelona. We dance on the dance floor and I get absolutely wasted. I dance with Claudia and my mind is off.

No Alexia. No mama. No papa. No funeral. No worry. No hurt. No anger. No sadness. Just my body on the dance floor. Just my body wasted. Just my body. Just me. Me.

After some hours partying, I feel myself being pulled by my arm. I have no idea who it is, till I am outside, looking into the eyes of the person who pulled me here.

''Eres tan estúpida, Yazmin!''

(You are so stupid, Yazmin!)

I am confused. And drunk. I am confused because I am drunk and I am drunk because I am confused. I sigh and wave her off, walking back inside. Another pull.

''¿Qué te está pasando? Ya casi no conozco a la verdadera Yazmin. ¿O es esta la verdadera Yazmin? ¿Emborracharse en el momento en que sucede algo perturbador en su vida?''

(What is happening to you? I barely know the real Yazmin anymore. Or is this the real Yazmin? Getting wasted the second something disturbing happens in her life?!)

The words that come out of her mouth make me angry. I don't talk, knowing I will only say things I don't mean. We go home. In silence. Again.

We are in the bedroom, me changing into my pajamas and Alexia showering. I go downstairs to make myself some tea, fully needing it. I know Alexia will walk in here and demand an explanation. Alexia walks into the kitchen and just looks at me with that stupid judging look of hers. I know she will not leave till I say anything. The anger gets the best of me and I talk with a cold, unpleasant tone.

''Siempre te marchas en situaciones difíciles, Alexia. ¡Tal vez eres tú quien se enoja en el momento en que sucede algo ligeramente diferente en su vida de lo que 'la reina' había planeado! ¡Quizás no estoy planeado!''

(You always leave in difficult situations, Alexia. Maybe you are the one who gets upset the moment something slightly different happens in her life, than 'the queen' had planned! Maybe I am not planned!)

Alexia laughs at this. What is there to laugh about? She can hurt me with her words but I can hurt her with my words?

''Lo que sea Yazmín. Me voy a la cama.''

(Whatever Yazmin. I'm going to bed.)

She walks upstairs to the bedroom again. I soon enter too, with my cup of tea. What is her problem? I text with Katie McCabe for a bit and then go to bed. We are so close to each other yet so far away.

Why is she so mad?

I hate my life so much. During the match last Wednesday, we were ahead with 8-0 or something. Those girls were getting frustrated by us and started making stupid fouls. I (again) tricked her and got past her, but she fully stood on my heel so I collapsed fully with my head and back on the grass. I had a bit of a headache but I thought it would pass. Like four minutes later I got past her again and scored a goal, but once I was home I got dizzy and started seeing spots in my vision. I went to school the next day, but during my test I just could not concentrate. My mother said I needed to go home and go to my grandparents for if anything happened. I went to the doctors and it seems like I have a light concussion. I've had a heavy concussion before so I know how it feels but it just sucks. I would have had a tournament on Monday, but I cant play/sport for 7 days. So I can't compete. I hate it but luckily I am back for the game against Kirkbie Kendal.

So, that apart, I had new ideas for the story , suddenly, while eating breakfast so I just had to act immediately. More drama and more excitement will come guys, I promise. What do you think Yazmin will do? Will she go to the funeral? Will she let her mother come to one of her games?

AANDDD, what do you guys think Ale is so mad about? Let me know!

Love you all! Xx