Private But Not A Secret [on A hiatus]

Zee pov

A year later

After finishing my work in the UK, I finally returned to Thailand. I wanted to meet Nunew, but even a year later, he hasn't been answering my calls. I used to get updates about him through Nat and others, but after a while, the updates became rarer and eventually stopped. Nunew has isolated himself again. I know where he lives, but I can't go to his house unannounced.

I take out my camera and snap pictures of a small flower shop. It must be new, or I never paid attention to it while I was in Thailand. I show the pictures to Max. He nods in approval. "You should consider taking pictures of models," Max suggests. I shake my head, no. "How was the UK?" he asks. "Cold, damp, and depressing," I reply. "Wow, sounds so fun," he responds sarcastically. "Nat is having a party; could you please take a few pictures of everyone? I like your style. You don't have to capture everything, just the important moments," Max says. I immediately agree because Nunew might be there.

Nat is having a backyard party, a belated New Year's celebration mixed with a housewarming party, if that makes more sense. Nothing too fancy, just something casual. "Should I bring a gift?" I ask Max. "Nope, your presence is enough," he replies. I'll still bring a gift, and he knows that too.

At the party, I stood as casually as I could near the entrance to see everyone coming in, waiting for Nunew to appear. Nat said he had invited him, and he promised to come. I stood there for almost an hour and decided that he might not come after all. With a defeated sigh, I joined everyone else and took a few pictures, while the hired photographers were taking pictures of other things. Them being there made me feel less bad about being incompetent.

I went to lounge in one of the chairs outside. I looked around the yard and watched as everybody played in the pool, chatted, played ping pong, and just enjoyed themselves. I heard a familiar laugh and my ears perked up. I sat up straight and looked for the source. Through the large sliding door, I saw Nunew. My heart started racing. He was holding a child wrapped in a white, soft-looking blanket. He was gently patting the baby's back as Nat was fixing its little hat while talking to Nunew, saying something that was making him laugh.

The hat fell again, revealing a simple full head of hair, so that baby isn't a newborn. He/she was probably a year old. As old as the night that Nunew and I shared...

I tried to stand up, but my legs felt wobbly, making me stumble and fall back. "You drunk already?" Poppy asked, laughing, helping me up. "No," I said, pushing him off me.

With my shaky legs, I approached the sliding doors but slipped and hit them, startling everyone on the other side. As I stood up, Nat opened the door. Nunew left with the crying baby in his arms. "Zee, are you alright? You scared the baby," Nat said, picking up my camera and handing it to me. I thanked him and walked through the house looking for Nunew. I went upstairs and heard an angelic voice singing a lullaby from one of the rooms. Peering through the crack of the door, I saw Nunew rocking the baby and singing. Wanting a better view, I pushed the door gently, but it swung open wider with a squeak. Nunew turned and fixed his eyes on me, stopping his rocking and singing, which made the baby start crying again. He focused on the baby, reaching for something in the baby bag on the chair, clearly struggling. "Let me help," I offered, taking the baby. I held it as Nunew had, with its face on my shoulder, patting its back and rocking gently.As I cradled the baby, its cries began to soften, melting into quiet whimpers.

Nunew had his back turned, still searching for something in the baby bag. After a while, the baby started cooing, calming down, and I looked at Nunew. His back was still turned, but there was a large mirror in front of him. I looked at his reflection; his face was looking down into the baby bag, and from the way he was breathing, anyone could tell he was crying.

He brought out a baby bottle and wiped his tears. "Thank y-you," he said, his voice cracking as he took the baby from my arms. He moved the bag from the chair, sat down, and began feeding the baby its bottle. "You can leave now," Nunew said, still looking at the baby. I stared at him; he looked more beautiful than ever.

"I have missed you, Nunew," I say. He just holds the baby tighter. "Why did you leave?" I ask, referring to our last night at the resort. He remains quiet. "Okay, fine, don't tell me. But why were you ignoring my calls? Was it to hide this?" I point at the baby. Nunew cries. "I would have taken responsibility," I assure him, trying to make things better. He cries more. "What are you talking about?" he says through tears. He stands up to leave. I stop him. With tears in his eyes and obviously emotional, he can't be walking around carrying a baby in this state.

I led him to the chair and sat him down, moving away so as not to loom over him, to avoid the intimidation that my presence could impose. I decided against bombarding him with questions. Tears still streamed down his face as he cradled the baby, a silent exchange between us conveying volumes that words could never express. I exited the room quietly, the door closing with a soft click, leaving Nunew and the baby in their serene bubble.

I sat by the stairs, waiting, though for what, I couldn't say. Time passed, and eventually, Nunew came from the room alone. He was about to go down the stairs, but I stopped him. "Nunew, let's talk," I say . He guided me to another room.

Where to begin? "Is... Is that baby mine?" I asked, my voice barely above a whisper. "No," Nunew replied, his gaze piercing as he met my eyes. "Is it someone else's?" I pressed, the walls seemingly closing in around me. "Obviously," he retorted, his voice carrying a weight that felt like a physical force.