'His'

"I'm so sorry Amara", Kavin said as he wiped my tears and took me in his embrace. I was hugging his shoulders while his hands were on my waist. 

"It's not your fault, you shouldn't even say sorry. I was stupid to think a childhood promise would stay unbroken, but that's the truth of life, isn't it?" I said while still sobbing. I knew the weight of my words, and I knew how much it would hurt him, but I couldn't take them back now, and it was upto him how he interpreted them. 

"Amara, you are the first girl of my life, and that will never change. We don't know about the future, but what we do know now is that we will always be with each other, no matter what. I'm never letting you go now, girlfriend or not" said Kavin. I lifted my eyes to look in his eyes, and they only had truth written in them.

"Kavin, I love you" I said. I know it was stupid, but everything I had done today was stupid too, so why not lift the weight off my shoulders.

"I know Amara, but I  can't say the same right now. Maybe, someday I will."

Flashback to 4 years ago

"Kavin, I have to go" I said as Kavin stood in my room, visibly sulking as he saw me pack my bags.

"But why, Amie, what about us?" he asked as I saw that he was on the verge of tears.

"I can't disobey father Kavin. Let's break up."I said as the tears started falling from my face.

"Do you really want to end it this way?" asked Kavin, as he had also started to cry.

"Let's make a promise, Amie" said Kavin.

"What promise?" I asked as I was now uncontrollably crying.

"We will wait for each other. No matter how long it takes. I'll wait for you to come back and we will never date or look at anyone else except each other. I'll call you everyday. I'll do anything to make it work" said Kavin and I knew he was serious, judging by the expression on his face.

"Ok, Kavin. I'll wait for you too." I said. 

Coming back to the present

I went home afterwards, denying every plead by Kavin to drop me home. I knew that he said all that just to make me feel better.  I had to get over him now. I had waited too long. He fell first, but I definitely fell harder. 

We had started dating when we were 14. I know it was too young. But we both liked each other. He had confessed to me on New-Years eve. Really cringey, right? Well, that was Kavin. He could do anything for those he liked, and I am glad to have been one of them. I had rejected him at first, as I was confused about my feelings for him. But I called him on a coffee date after a few days, and said yes. 

I was currently sitting on the bed in the middle of a life-crisis. I am a teen, after all. I honestly did know that this was to happen, but it still shattered my heart into pieces. It wasn't really all his fault, but somewhere it was. He never even gave me closure. It was like one day we were a couple, and the other we were not. 

I also didn't know what I wanted in life. I only had a few hobbies, reading and studying. I don't even know if studying is a hobby, but that's all I do, except reading, eating, bathing and sleeping. Of course, my timetable has changed since I've come back from America, but it's just really overwhelming to be in the stage of your life where you have to choose what to do. I don't know what I like, and I don't want to do something that I'll hate for the rest of my life. I know I'm well off, so I have options. I can't imagine being in a situation where choosing what to do in my life will have to involve taking money into consideration. 

I don't when the slipping tears turned into loud sobs, which I only realised when I heard my phone buzzing, and Ren's name was one the caller-id. I didn't want to worry him so I typed a quick message.

Me- Hey!

Bubba(Ren)- I saw what happened between you and Kavin. Are you alright?

(Bubba is an informal way of saying brother)

Me-I'm not okay, but I really don't want to talk right now. Can you come over tomorrow before Thyme's party?

Bubba(Ren)-Of course, your highness. And take care  of yourself. And if you need anything, don't think twice before texting.

Me-Ok Bubba, bye.

Bubba(Ren)-Bye :)

I glanced at the wall clock and saw that it was 7 p.m. already. 'Had I really cried for that long?' I asked myself.

The tears had stopped now but I was too tired, so I quickly went to the bathroom to brush my teeth and changed into some nightwear, and went to sleep.  

I woke up at around 5 a.m. , which was early seeing my messed up sleep schedule since I came to Thailand, but it was only natural, seeing how early I slept yesterday.

I decided to hit the gym today, which I had not done yesterday, as I had only cried. But I had to today, so I quickly changed into my gym attire and went to our home gym.

I wore a black sports bra and layered black shorts.

I hit legs today, alongside abs and did a 20 min jog to top it all off. Soaked in sweat, I took my phone and posted a standing mirror selfie on instagram with the caption, 'Do I have abs now?'

I then went and took a quick shower, had my breakfast and revised for my SAT's. Yes, I'm going to the USA again for college. But I've decided to take a gap year before, to explore my interests and life goals.

Just as I closed my book, I saw MJ's name on my caller-id. I immediately picked it up. 

"Hey Amara. I'm standing infront of your house. May I come in?" asked MJ on the other side.

"Did you come all the way to my house, just to take my permission to come in. What if I say no?" I asked jokingly.

"Well, I'm already in your room" he said as the door opened to reveal MJ.

I went over to him and gave him a hug, before asking him to sit down.

"Before you say anything Amara, I'm really sorry about what I said about Kavin yesterday. I honestly don't know what happened between you both after you went away to America, but I wish that whatever happened, gets resolved. I don't know about you, but Kavin hasn't hooked-up since the day you came back, and honestly, that's very unlike Kavin. So don't lose any hope, okay?" he said. 

"I know Mj, I know that you'd never do anything to hurt me. And about Kavin, let's not talk about him" I replied.

"Okay. Wanna watch a movie?" he asked.

"Sure, let me get us some snacks" I said as I went to the kitchen to get us some snacks.

We watched 365 day. Just when the credits started rolling in, MJ's phone started ringing, so he picked it up.

"Hey dude......sure....I'll be there in 30 minutes....okay...bye" judging by the converstion, I could only guess that it was someone from f4. But my suspicion came true when he said "I know how I promised I wouldn't talk about  Kavin but he just called and asked me to come over saying it was something urgent. So, can I go?" 

"You just told him you'd be there in 30 minutes, so I guess you should go" I said, not wanting to be selfish. Then, he stood up, took his jacket and kissed me on my forehead and said "Have patience Amara, and trust me when I say everything will be alright" he said and left.