Jo

Once again, Jo sat in front of the mirror, staring at her reflection. Two hand towels lay folded neatly to her right and a disposable razor sat to her left. The scissors were presently clasped in her hand but every time she brought them to her head, she couldn't bring herself to start cutting and they would drop back in her lap. She sighed heavily and tried again, only to drop her hand once more. Giving up, she placed it alongside the razor and splashed cold water on her face before sitting back, deep in thought.

Kerus had been the perfect gentleman. He had supplied a clean shirt and knit pants, politely turning his back as she struggled into them. After she had gotten comfortable in bed, he had changed as well before crawling in alongside her. Pulling the comforter over both of them, he settled down, not touching her, and wished her a good night. Jo waited, wondering if he was going to take her hand or pull her closer. When he did neither, she rolled over so her back was to him and tried to sleep. It didn't come.

Kerus had fallen into an easy sleep, his breathing long and slow. She could feel it tickling the back of her neck and it took everything she had not to scoot back. His body radiated a warmth she could feel despite the space between them. But it wasn't just the warmth. She was aware of everything he did. Every hitch in his breathing, every twitch in his body, called to her and she fought the urge to respond. Holding herself rigid, she tried to will herself to sleep.

She had no idea how long she lay curled on her side. When it became obvious sleep wouldn't find her anytime soon, she considered getting out of bed but decided against it. Kerus was bound to hear and she had no desire to have him ask what was wrong. Instead, she carefully rolled on her back, moving in tiny increments so their bodies never touched. Then she stared at the ceiling once again.

Her thoughts were a mess. She was still reeling from his apology. and his confession had thrown her for a loop. What did he mean when he said he wanted to be the one to run his fingers through her hair? Was he trying to tell her something? If so, why didn't he say that to begin with? Why let the argument spiral out of control? Her hair had never been an issue before. In fact, he had supplied the razor before her last assignment without saying a word.

And what did his offer mean? Did he want to help her shave it as a way of apologizing? Was it simply an offer made in the hopes of restoring trust? Or was there more to it than that?

He also claimed she would think him a fool. Why? She had called him worse and he often responded in kind. Why was this one word such a problem?

Finally, what did his last statement mean? Was it simply reassurance that he wouldn't deny her again? Or was it an invitation for something more?

Jo wracked her brain, trying to make sense of it all. Kerus had never shown the slightest interest in her romantically. She had been unable to hide what the sight of his body did to her but hadn't given any sort of signal she wanted more. Were his comments his way of saying he was willing if she was?

These thoughts ran round and round, making her head feel like it was filled with bouncing tennis balls. The worst part was that whenever she began to ask herself how she felt, what she wanted, she forced the answers away, which sent her thoughts careening back to the beginning. It wasn't until night began to edge towards dawn that she finally fell asleep.

Now here she sat, caught in a trap of her own making. Her sleepless night had revealed one thing. She no longer wanted to shave her head. No, she wanted to feel his hands run through her hair. When she finally admitted as much, she couldn't get the image of him doing it out of her head. She pictured his fingers slowly lifting the strands and rubbing them between his fingers. She pictured him winding them around his hands. And, as she drifted off to sleep, she pictured him gripping her head as his face lowered to hers while he murmured against her ear. Despite how hard she tried to push that image away, it kept coming back, making her feel both hot and cold. And physically ill.