Jo

Jo sat in the bed, her arms around her knees. She had marched into the room, wondering if there was a way to lock the door. She finally sighed, deciding Kerus would just break it down if he wanted in. Stripping, she took a hot shower, scrubbing until her skin was bright pink. Rinsing out her clothes, she draped them around to dry and crawled into bed. She had succumbed and was wearing another one of his shirts since everything except her black outfit was wet. When sleep wouldn't come, she pushed herself into a sitting position and rested her head on her knees.

She was still angry. Unbelievably angry. But the little voice she kept sending away refused to obey. Each time it came back, it was a little more persistent and she was finding it harder and harder to not listen. Heaving a deep sigh, she stretched out her legs and drew the comforter to her waist. Resting her head on the headboard, she stared at the far corner of the room.

"Bastard," she muttered softly. But there was no heat in it. Her anger had played itself out. Sliding down, she stared at the ceiling.

"Why couldn't he have chosen someone else?" she murmured. "Why did it have to be me? And why, by all the damn Gods, did he have to be so fucking honest?"

She wanted to hate him. Wanted to hate everything about him. But she couldn't. Her feelings aside, Kerus had acted a lot like she had. Whatever had driven him away from his people had to have been bad. Something to make him so angry he felt the only way to deal with it was by removing himself. That was something she understood all too well. Hadn't she done the same when her supposed boyfriend betrayed her with her best friend? Anger was easy. It was comfortable. And it allowed you to convince yourself you were doing what was best for all involved.

But, as she was finding out, anger was selfish. It kept you from dealing with other feelings. It kept you from handling the problems like an adult. And it fed on itself, becoming a blaze that just felt too damn good to let go of. She had used anger as a shield for years, allowing it to control her so she wouldn't have to be honest with herself. Anger let her look in the mirror during the day and sleep at night. At least, it used to.

Her time at Vance's had begun to open her eyes to why her behavior was wrong. Yes, you could be angry. But it never solved anything and the things that caused it never really went away. Her realization that she had been acting selfishly had shown her she needed to think about her actions. But Gods, was that hard to do.

The arguments with Kerus were doing the same thing. She saw herself reflected in him. Until tonight, she had used him as a mirror. His behavior justified her own. Only now, she knew his actions were just as wrong as hers. But she couldn't make him see it. He needed to learn that for himself, just as she was. She rolled on her side, punching the pillow, and wondered if there was any way to fix what had gone wrong.

At some point, she must have fallen asleep. When she opened her eyes, she knew she wasn't alone. The room was dim but the shutters had been opened. Shadows of the snowflakes now falling danced across the bed, the walls, and every surface in the room. When she tilted her head down, she saw Kerus standing at one of the windows, his arms folded and his face half in shadow.

Something about the way he stood, so still and silent, tugged at her. Sitting up, she crossed her legs. "Kerus?"

Kerus 's head slowly turned and Jo gasped, her hand flying to her mouth. His face, now fully revealed, was a mask of anguish. She didn't think she had ever seen anyone look so grief-stricken. Without thinking, she jumped out of bed and flew across the room, stopping just short.

"Kerus?" she asked again, her voice very soft. "Are you okay?"

Kerus gazed back, his eyes black pits of despair. She tentatively reached out, laying one hand on