To be, or not to be: That is the question-Band Of Brothers

Chapter one

The beginning of the end

I want to go back to the beginning.

We all do.

I think: Hurt won't be there.

But I'm wrong. Where the water bubbles up. At the spring: Isn't that a wound.

Written by Gregory Orr 

It was cold—no, it was fucking freezing. Sitting in this sterile waiting room, Kiran thought would surely kill her. She couldn't stop the chill creeping into her bones.  There was an uneasiness in her chest, a weight she couldn't quite shake, making it hard to think clearly.

She knew why she was cold, but she couldn't much do anything about it. If she had been dressed as a woman, long hair flowing as was expected, and if her breasts weren't bound to give her a more masculine appearance, well then someone would surely give her a fucking blanket but since Kiran was, now seen as a boy there was nothing to do to help make her warm.

No man would offer her their jackets, no doctors would fall over their feet to quirk up the thermostat. No, right now, she was on her own.

Adrenaline coursed through her veins, a strange mix of focus and unease. It kept her alert and prepared, leaving her hands trembling. She was waiting for one of the doctors or nurses to call her into an office to check if she was 4F or up for military service. To make sure she was actually a he. Well, if the doctor asked her to take off her shirt Kiran thought wirly, he probably wouldn't be disappointed either way.

"Kieran Matek! Kieran Matek to office three, please!

It took a couple of seconds for Kiran to realize that they were calling for her. Of course they were—Kieran Matek was the fake name she'd scribbled onto the forms; it was not the only lie on the form, her birth date was also a bit of.

However, Kiran figured that a lot of the real boys lied about things on their forms and didn't get in trouble for it, so why would she? Sixteen-year-olds weren't exactly prime candidates for military service either, right? Surely, a woman in disguise wasn't worse than that.....

"Yeah, this will go real good" She muttered to herself, in a desperate attempt to calm herself and her beating heart. The walk to the office felt far too short. The door to the secluded space creaked as she pushed it open, and her heart sank the moment she stepped inside.

Walking into the office space Kiran caught sight of the nurse at the table. Kiran had taken a bus three towns away to make sure she didn't know anyone in the waiting room as well as the staff. It seemed however like luck was not in her favor.

Sitting at the desk was a pretty nurse, her sharp blue eyes flicking up from the paperwork in front of her, the woman quickly caught sight of her standing there; awkwardly. She didn't say anything at first, just stared at her. Kiran stared back, hesitantly, frozen in the doorway. Mind racing. Should she bolt? Pretend she had the wrong room? Or maybe, just maybe, she could bluff her way through this.

The nurse found this to be a sufficient time to think of something to say.

"Hello, soldier. Come in, come in. Won't you sit down?"

"Uh, you sure? I could go to another station, maybe grab you some coffee or, like, just—"

"Sit down, soldier."