Finding Jaime

The first few days Jaime was awake, he wasn't moved out of bed at all. Physio came to work with him in his bed, manipulating his joints as they had been while he'd been unconscious.

Jaime had yet to speak. During his physio, his eyes were the most expressive. I could see it tired him and that he was trying to follow directions but he wasn't moving much on his own.

After a couple of weeks, Jaime had been moved to a medical rehabilitation floor and his physio started in the physio gym.

When they came to take him to his physio sessions, he was moved into a wheelchair and they'd had to get one that would support his head. He couldn't hold his head up on his own. I could see we had a much longer road than we'd had after his accident in the canyon and his fight with cancer.

Jaime's hands had curled into fists and his elbows pulled them into his chest. Physio tried putting splints on his arms to keep his arms straighter. They worked to get his mobility in his arms improving first.

I could see he was trying. I could see the determination in his eyes when they asked him to do a task. And I watched his disappointment grow as his body refused to listen to him.

One afternoon, after a particularly tiring physio session in which Jaime hadn't been able to lift a light weight off the tray in front of him, he seemed to shut down.

He was brought back to his room and moved into his bed. He refused to look at me. He wouldn't look at anyone.

"Meag," I said after telling Jaime I was going to go make a phone call while he rested.  "Don't bring the kids tonight. I don't think Jaime is in the mood for visitors. Physio did not go well this afternoon."

"Poor kid," she said. "The boys and Marvel won't be happy, but I understand. I'll get them to understand, too."

"Thanks," I said. "I'm worried about him. He doesn't speak, he can't move. And we don't know if this is permanent even."

"We have to be patient, Pete," Meagan said. I knew she was right. I just hated ever second we were here because of why we were here.

The nurses came in and helped Jaime get ready for bed. He didn't move to try to help them at all. His eyes had clouded over and he was back in wherever it was he went when this happened.

In the morning Jaime was the same. He was staring straight ahead and wouldn't respond to anything or anyone. I started to get concerned because he wouldn't eat, either.

Meagan came by with Marvel and even she couldn't get Jaime to interact with us.

"What happened?" Meagan asked me. I shrugged.

"He had a bad physio session and he's completely shut down. But I'm not sure this is just that. This seems... deeper.  The nurses are keeping an eye on him and they'll tell the doctor when he's here," I said.

Marvel just laid against Jaime talking to him as though he was just laying there listening.

A little while later, the doctor came in and spoke with us. He examined Jaime first.

"I'm not exactly certain what this is. I've ordered more imaging to make sure he hasn't experienced a late bleed or another issue had cropped up. They'll be here in ten minutes to bring Jaime down for an MRI," he said. I wasn't feeling optimistic.

Meagan left with Marvel when Jaime was taken for his MRI. She said she'd be back with the boys for dinner.

Jaime was brought back to his room in the same state he'd left in. Staring ahead and not communicative.

The doctor came by an hour later.

"So, there are no new bleeds or stroke, which is good. This could be a temporary catatonia or a vegetative state brought on by trauma. I wish I could tell you more, but structurally there's nothing that has caused this state."

"So, this could be it?" I asked. "My son could live the rest of his life like this?"

The doctor nodded solemnly.

"I wish I could give you better news," he said.

I sighed and rubbed my face. I thanked the doctor and he left, patting my shoulder.

I looked at Jaime, laying on the bed, here, but not.

"Come on, Jaime. You were coming back. You were making gains. What happened, huh?  Please. Jaime," I cried.

Joe came by after lunch, and Brendon came a little while later. Meagan and the kids showed up just as Joe was getting ready to head out. Brendon stayed for a little while longer, chatting with Meagan and the kids.

Jaime remained unaware. The only change was when he seemed to close his eyes and sleep.

The boys looked worried as Meagan started getting them ready to go home.

"Do you want to take the kids home? Have a shower? Sleep in a bed?" She asked.

I shook my head. I didn't want to leave Jaime's side.

Meagan hugged me, packed up the kids' belongings and took them home.

I stayed and watched Jaime sleep.

Around three he had a seizure. It lasted fifteen minutes.

He didn't open his eyes at all the next day and more imaging was done.

When they checked his eyes for pupil dilation, he wasn't there. My son was gone again. His body was working. He was breathing, his heart was beating, but he wasn't there. Whether he'd lapsed into a coma again or had locked himself away, I didn't know.

I cried as I held his slack hand. Even if he survived this, those kids had taken my son from me. Jaime was unreachable. I couldn't bring him back. I didn't know if he could ever come back.

"Jaime," I wept. "There's so much I want to do with you still. So much to show you still. Please. Please, Jaime. Fight to come back to us. We miss you."

Jaime didn't react to my words. He didn't squeeze my hand back when I squeezed his.

I would never give up on my son, but I had some decisions to make.