Burning Ice

I sat beside my mom in the sterile hospital room, the soft beeping of the machines in the background a constant reminder of what we'd just been told. Her hands were trembling as she gripped the edge of the bed, her face pale, drained of the color it had when she laughed.

The doctor's words echoed in my head, too sharp to ignore. Cancer. Aggressive. Treatment options, but no guarantees.

Mom's gaze drifted to the window, her eyes distant. I could feel the weight of it in my chest, the sinking feeling like the floor was falling out from under me.

"Mom," I whispered, my voice barely steady.

"We'll figure it out. I'll help you. We'll fight it together." I tired to reassure her, as much as me.

She looked at me then, her expression a mix of sadness and strength, like she was trying to reassure me while fighting her own fear as well.

"I'm sorry, baby. I didn't want this for you." She stroked my head.

I shook my head, the words stuck in my throat. She was the one who needed reassurance, not me. But I couldn't seem to find the right words to make her feel better. All I could do was be there, even if the world around us felt like it was shattering.

Her hand reached for mine, a soft, trembling touch, and I squeezed it back. We didn't speak for a while, just holding each other's gaze, silently acknowledging the storm that was coming.

——

I sat on the edge of my bed, phone in hand, the quiet of my apartment pressing in around me. It had been a few days since I'd seen that Nate guy, but he'd occasionally been on my mind, even though I knew it was stupid. I shouldn't be thinking about him. He was just some guy, right?

But that damn pull wouldn't go away, no matter how much I tried to distract myself.

I opened my browser and typed his name. What the hell was I even looking for? Some sign that I wasn't completely crazy for thinking about him?

Most of what came up were links about his family, his father, the real estate empire, the kind of legacy he came from. A few interviews with him, but nothing personal, just the typical athlete stuff. He'd been in the spotlight for years, but still, it felt like he was a stranger.

I found the article about a suspension. Fighting too much, too reckless. Typical hockey stuff, I guess. But the fact that it was there, that bit of information, it made something stir in my chest.

So much for the perfect image.

But, then again, it didn't surprise me. He didn't take me as the kind of guy to follow rules.

I set the phone down, staring at the screen. I should've stopped. I knew I should've. But somehow, I couldn't.

If it wasn't for my food being delivered, I probably would have spiraled out of control until I reached that last page on Google.

Gross and greasy Chinese food was exactly what I need right now. Only, like some curse from above, I was given a salad loaded with chicken and bacon and everything else that defeated the purpose of a salad.

I felt like I could cry from disappointment.

I slipped on some slippers and walked out to my car. I have to seemingly do everything myself around here.

I drove a 6pm to the city mall about 10 miles away, that's how desperate I was. And we all know that the mall has the best Chinese food.

The mall was practically empty except for a few janitors and teenage kids. I ordered my food and took a seat at a table. I couldn't wait to get home to eat, I needed it now.