Darkness Begets Dusk

Disclaimer Warning!!!

Topics of mental health, depression, mourning, and healing

"That's all I have to say". Easier said than done as I explained to my therapist, Mr. William Clark. Leaving out the obvious supernatural shit in my life. He wasn't sure what to think. "Jacob, this is a lot of ordeals that you haven't been able to deal with". I said, "I haven't done a great job at dealing with them". He looked at me and said, "All of these near-death experiences, the loss of your two friends, the separation in your...friend circle?". I had to say, "friend circle", rather than a werewolf pack. 

But I guess I could agree with that. "Yes. It was a hard thing to process". He replied, "Jacob. You've spent so much time trying to give others care and compassion, but you hardly have given any to yourself". I stayed silent, but I was actively listening to him. "For things to change, you have to put yourself first. I understand that Maxwell has become a priority in your life, but you have to look after your wellbeing". He's...right. I put myself on the backburner when I was supporting Bella, and now with Maxwell. "I never thought of that before".

He looked at with a sad expression, "The last thing anyone would want to see including myself, is for you to have a breakdown from all the stress that you are under". I began to tear up, "I'm afraid of failing the people I love". He said with sympathy, "You haven't failed anyone. You didn't fail Bella, Maxwell, your father, your old friends, or Jared and Embry. The only person you think you failed is yourself". 

I took a tissue, and I wiped my tears away. I said, "T-thank you Mr. Clark". He smiled gently and said, "I'll see you next week". I nodded with respect and bid my goodbye. I left his office, and there was Maxwell waiting for me. "How did it go?", he asked with curiosity and concern. I took a gentle breath and said, "I'm slowly getting there piece by piece". He hugged me and said, "That's more than enough". We both headed back to my dad's house.

As I got through the door with Maxwell, I got a text. It was Leah, to my surprise. The message said, "It's Lee. I know it's an odd message from me, and I'm sorry for that. In fact, I'm sorry for my indifference in this whole debacle with Sam. I miss Jared and Embry, but I really miss you and Maxwell. Seth and I want to do a little meeting to grieve Jare and Emb. We hope we can come over and mourn together -Leah". I had a mixed emotions seeing the message. I was glad to hear from her, but then I was concerned about Sam's retaliation if he found out. Maxwell looked at me with nervousness. 

"Jake, you got a message?". I shook myself and said, "Yes. It's from Leah. She and Seth want to do a small event for Jared and Embry". He asked me, "How do you feel about it?". Honestly, I miss them both. And it does feel good that they want to do something for Jared and Embry. "I would like to see them". M smiled and took my hand and said, "So do I". I told my father about it, and he agreed. He said, "Invite them over. They are welcome".

The next day rolled on by, and later on they came by. Leah and Seth arrived, and it felt great to see them. Maxwell opened up the door and they hugged him, me and my father. Leah had two pictures of Jared and Embry. She said, "I'm so glad to see you guys". Seth said, "I wish it was under better circumstances". My father said, "It's all good that you all are here now". 

My father made a pot of homemade chili, and we all sat down at the table. We all talked among each other, like the old days. Afterwards, we sat down together in the living room. I placed Jared and Embry two solo pictures on the coffee table. My father said, "Would anyone like to say anything about them first?". I was still struggling to say something. 

Maxwell raised his hand and said, "I'd like to start if that's okay?".  My father nodded. "I remember the day when Jared was able to shift for the first time. He told me it felt like being connected to the earth, the soil, the trees, and the wind. I was confused at first about what he meant, but I understand now. He was free and happy. Embry always had his air of coolness. It never felt forced or put on. He had a heart of gold. I'll...always miss them". Maxwell began to weep, and I held him close to me.

Leah was emotional but she composed herself. "Those two always got my nerves, but in the best way possible. Outside of Paul and Quil, they never let up with their jokes and lightheartedness. It was annoying and ear grating, but now it's a thing I'll always miss from them. It's gonna be very hard not to see them around anymore. Cheers to their memory and what they meant to me, family". 

I smiled, and then Seth spoke. "This is has been the hardest thing for me since Dad died. I don't have many close friends in the world we live in, but those two will always have a special place in my heart". Leah took Seth's hand in response. My father finally talked. "They were both big kids, and we all loved them for it. Death is a tragic thing, but that is not the finality of their memories. We will all cherish them and keep them alive in our hearts".

Everyone had beautiful eulogies and I was the last one to say anything. No one judged me but myself. But then I finally had the words. "For me, Jared and Embry were two of the best people you could ever have in your life. I'll never forget their laughter and bright smiles. They were braver than me, and they'll never be a day I won't miss them. They were my brothers, my friends, my comrades, and a part of my strength. I'll hold their memories in my heart, until the last day I draw breath. To our fallen, we will never forget". 

We had a moment of silence for the departed. I broke down crying, and Maxwell pulled me into his arms. As painful as that conversation was, it was good to do this. It's heartbreaking that it's not all of us together, but there is peace in the small victories. Leah and Seth are here, and that's more than I could ever imagine right now.

Maxwell lit a lone candle and placed it carefully next to Jared and Embry's pictures. He looked peaceful doing a silent prayer. It was now the evening and Leah and Seth had to go. "Thank you for having us", Leah said with a sad smile on her face. Seth said, "I hope Jare and E both see us altogether". Maxwell gave them both hugs and said, "I think they are". I gave them hugs, and so did my father. They left and it was a quiet night. Maxwell went outside in the backyard. My father said, "Go check on him. I'm going to get some rest". 

I nodded and I went to check on M. He was sitting on the wooden outdoor bench. I sat next down to him. Tears in his eyes. I said, "Maxwell? Are you alright?". He gently rubbed his tears away, looked at me and said, "Things will never be the same". I reached for his hand and held it. I said, "I understand. We can never go back, but we have to press on for ourselves and for our fallen". Maxwell bursted out in anguish, "I don't know if I can Jake". His emotions overtook him, and I pulled him into my arms. He rested his head on my chest.

I didn't have any words left to say. All I could do is hold him and let his feelings pour out of his body. After a bit he emptied himself out, and said, "Thank you Jake. I always find myself falling down, and you always pick me back up". I replied, "I'm here for you Max. Always". We both looked at the night sky, watching the small stars shine. It was a tranquil moment in time. 

Maxwell said, "I'd like to think the stars could be Jared and Embry, looking down from above". I said, "That's beautiful M". In the back of my mind, I was thinking about the heated anger in Sam. He won't remain somewhat dormant forever. When the time comes, I have to be ready to face him. Maxwell said, "Jake? Are you okay?". 

I said, "I try to not feel scared but I am. Sam's anger, it really scared me. I'm afraid that...I'm not strong enough to protect what I love". I began to wrestle with my own tears. Maxwell said, "You never have to worry about not being strong. Visceral strength perhaps is Sam's resolve, but you have so much more". I asked him, "How?". He responded, "Your kindness. Your heart. Your dedication. Everything I love about you. That's your true strength. You may not feel enough right now, but you'll always be more than enough to me". Maxwell's smile....I felt that the whole world change just by looking at him. I chuckled and said, "How do you do that?". He tilted his head in curiosity, "What do you mean?".

I asked, "How do you find a way to soothe the pains in my heart?". He looked down with a blush on his face, and he pondered before he could reply. "I don't know exactly. But I try to search my own heart to find the answer to yours. Maybe that?". I said, "You are truly a gift Maxwell". He said, "And you are to me". We kissed and sat outside for a while, and then we both went to bed. 

As time passed, things became quieter with Leah and Seth. The only consolation I could get out of that was they were with us to mourn Jared and Embry. Soon after, it was one week before Bella and Edward's Wedding. A day that I would never forget.

-To Be Continued

Thank you so much for reading!! ~TheeOnly